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REVIEWS ARE STUPID by Mr Biffo

12/2/2015

10 Comments

 
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Earlier this week, Eurogamer announced it was dropping scores from the end of its reviews. Instead of marks out of ten, there will be one of three words: "essential", "recommended", or "avoid". The site joins the likes of Joystiq and Kotaku in replacing an arbitrary numerical value with a text summary.

Things have been striding gaily this way for a while, but games journalism's sudden lurch away from the traditional review score appears to have been sped up by the number of Triple-A titles released last year in some sort of buggy state. How can anyone realistically review a broken game, which might be great once it gets patched?

Good question. But a better question might be this: is there any point to reviews in the first place?

DUH!
Of course there's a point to reviews. Don't be so stupid. But heed this fact: reviews are dangerous. They're a cocktail, and the primary ingredient is absinthe (opinion). Not keeping that in mind is only gonna prod your rage buttons. 

It's something I've wrestled with since Digitiser 2000 launched. Something has clearly shifted in zeitgeist, and reviewing things the way we used to, in Digi's Teletext days, does feel a bit strange now. It's part of the reason I try to make our review scores obviously ridiculous, with the decimal points. I know it's essentially plucking a figure out of the air. I know it's kind of meaningless, but I'm not sure that Eurogamer's approach is any more accurate either.
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See, the fundamental issue with reviews - of anything; music, movies, games, scarves and hats - is that you're dealing with a human being. There's no way of inputting a bunch of statistics into a review computer, and having it print out a 100.3232% accurate review score that every single person on earth is going to think is fair and precise.

There's no such thing as that, see. There is no accuracy in reviewing, whether there's a score at the end or not; it's all down to the individual as to whether they like the game or don't It's all subjective. All reviewers are their own hot mess of likes and dislikes, and however much a reviewer might try to lift those out of the equation, he or she is never going to be able to completely detach themself from who they are.

ELITE: BORINGNESS
Take our Elite: Dangerous review, for instance. I just couldn't get on with that game, even though I knew it had its fans. I felt bad saying I didn't like it, but... I didn't. What to do in that situation? Put that dislike to one side? Is that what restaurant reviewers do, if they don't like the flavour of the pudding? How can anyone do that?

We never reviewed Dragon Age: Inquisition, but I hated it. I mean, really, really hated it. Like, hated it so much I wanted to march on Bioware and demand they give me back the hours of my life that I'd wasted, while wafting tepid bum-wind throughout their premises.

Admittedly, I'm not a fan of Bioware games at the best of times - and there's a big, long list of reasons why - but in Inquisition I felt assaulted by... stuff. I didn't like the way it told its story - despite everyone else seemingly thinking it was a narrative masterpiece, and convincing me to play it. I thought it was cliched, long-winded, nowhere near as playable as everyone thought, and even the graphics seemed a bit dated to me. Everyone else appeared to love it. Was I wrong? I did ask myself that question, more than once. But the reality is probably simpler still: I just didn't like it.

Well, actually, I hated it, but y'know.

In just the same ways as I've never liked the Final Fantasy games, or got what the big deal was about Super Smash Bros, or Bayonetta... I don't think there's something I'm not getting in those games. I just think they don't appeal to me.

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IN SUMMARY
For now at least, Digitiser 2000 will be keeping its review scores. We like the fact that a number at the end suggests something more than a preview or news piece. 

We like that we're all in on the nonsense that it's just an arbitrary value that has, in some respects,  been pulled out of a tramp's pants in a bid to summarise all the wordiness that has gone before.  

Unless, that is, we get struck with a brainwave and come up with a better alternative. A series of embedded audio parps, indicating our opinion through the relative abrasiveness of their sound? Actually, that might work. PAARP! But let's not pretend any method is going to be more "accurate", or change the basic truth about all reviews: they're just one person's opinion, not a bold statement of fact... even if the body of text may contain facts.

FROM THE ARCHIVE:
  • REVIEW: Elite: Dangerous (PC)
  • REVIEW: Assassin's Creed Unity (PS4/Xbox One)
  • FEATURE: Both Sides of the Fence

10 Comments
Jumbo Eggs
12/2/2015 07:01:48 am

I think games reviews are slightly less stupid than something like music reviews as they can include things to do with the mechanics and functionality of the game. A lot of people seem to take scores far too seriously as well. I suppose it can still be helpful as a general overview if someone says "I played this game. It's a bit like this other game. It was fun. I especially liked it when I shot that guy in the face. 4 thumbs up". Music reviews are pointless though.

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Fantasy Wrongslurp
12/2/2015 07:27:38 am

I objectively give this article 10 out of 10. Goodbye.

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Taskbaarchitect link
12/2/2015 07:54:21 am

IDEA: Replace Metacritic with a sort of "Metacupid", where games reviewers can register their personal favourite games (and check a few boxes like "story", "challenge" and "music", too) as well as link to reviews they've done.

Then you can search for reviewers whose feelings about games you've played tend to match your own, and check out things they've reviewed. The repurosed "Luv-O-Matic 9000" tech I assume dating sites use would eventually get smart enough to suggest reviews for you, and maybe even shack you up with Jaz Rignall as a bonus.

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NeillWilkinson link
12/2/2015 08:53:04 am

I broadly agree. Even the percentages given as scores at the end are the reviewer's opinion but still ultimately pointless as part of the review.
"I like this game 92.8% much." Someone else would disagree. But if I buy a game based on your positive review and I hate it, I won't be asking for compensation because reviews are simply opinions and we've all got our own.
I like reading reviews, though. Especially humorous, entertaining ones.

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Keith
12/2/2015 10:12:28 am

Weirdly, this criticism of reviews has validated my sense, a couple of hours in, that Dragon Age is rubbish. I'm going to trade it in, I think.

But yeah, further to what others have said, I think that review scores can only be useful in terms of rating how well executed a game is - for example, I got frustrated reading reviews of Alien: Isolation which seemed to hate the premise of the game. I thought the premise of the game was superb, and that is clearly a matter of opinion.
There were reviews which pointed out that the story seemed to be falsely dragged out, in such a way that it took you out of the game and actually undermined the scares, and that it was stupid that in the game you actually couldn't pick up dropped guns for no other reason than that the game didn't want you to have them yet, and that turned out to be true, and a valid criticism.

So, I guess that reviews should only mark down games on things that detract from the intention of the game, maybe?

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Mr Rash
12/2/2015 11:50:38 am

Eurogamer has been going down the pan for a while, this new review system seems daft, it's not going to solve anything (except for reviewing release versions). But, if you dare say anything bad about it on their comment sections you get virtually bullied to death, whatever that means. I used to go there regularly, thank the Baptist that Digi has come back, ffs by the Many Arms of Alan Dale we know we need it!

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Sam
12/2/2015 02:22:49 pm

I for one have always loved Digi's reviews, even if it was for games I enjoyed myself that Digi pasted at the time (Turok and Shadowman come to mind). I have always respected that if Mr Biffo didn't like something, he would say so and why and not just follow the droves of reviewers that would unanimously say certain games were the best thing ever. I think that fearlessness is missing from modern gaming reviews with nobody really criticising the stacks of yearly updates that periodically make up the end of year lists. Criticism is supposed to be exactly that, criticism. And if you enjoyed something that was trashed because it was ugly or dated or whatever but still found something to enjoy about it then kudos. I hope you never change how you review.

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Superbeast 37
13/2/2015 12:24:16 am

I haven't visited Polygon, Kotaku, EG etc for six months now and guess what? The world didn't end.

I don't need them or their reviews. They can do what they like with regards to scores for all I care. Lately their reviews have turned into ideological lectures anyway so even the review text is useless.

I believe that most gamers buy based on hype, preview footage, a general "feeling" and post launch word of mouth from friends. With so many preorders so that people get bonuses or want the game delivered on launch day, people clearly can't be basing purchases on reviews. Who is waiting for The Order 1886 reviews? You want Amazon to deliver on launch day right?

If you buy it and love it but reviews come out saying 7/10 so what? If you buy it, hate it and reviews say 10/10 so what? The real tragedy would have been if in the first instance you had read the 7/10 and not bought a game you would have loved. I'd rather buy five duds than miss out on one game I would have loved.

Review scores simply end up either being used to pat them on the back after buying and say "you have good taste sir" or say "you fool you bought a rubbish game". This is why you see so much fighting and abuse in review comments sections and why readers take reviews as seriously as personal criticism.

I just watch previews and dev interviews explaining the concept, a few let's plays on YT (if I wait till post launch) and then buy it.

If I like it fine, if it turns out bad I will have learned more about how to spot a dud. I don't look up scores after purchase either. If I'm enjoying it then I won't let a review score detract from that. If I hate the game I won't allow a review score to influence me either. If I'm in two minds I buy it on PS4 instead of PC so I can always trade it in and get most of the money back or I will buy a grey import key.

Btw I tried DA:I and thought it was absolute garbage. I avoided reviews but now I see stories about it being nominated for awards! I'm guessing it scored 9's out of 10's on the main gaming sites then!

It's funny but I used to pick movies on Netflix based on review scores at rotten tomatoes or imdb etc. I stopped doing that and just started going with the random recommendations and I've seen some of my favourite films of all time that way.

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Reviewer 2457F
14/2/2015 02:03:10 pm

"We like the fact that a number at the end suggests something more than a preview or news piece."
This. Whenever I review stuff I like the fact that I have to give it a score. It reminds me I have an audience other than myself and it keeps me from noodling around the subject. I've no problem with subjectivity, but I think you need some basic consumer info as well. Are the controls wanky? Are there any game-breaking glitches? etc, etc. It might not be that exciting for the writer, but it's what separates a review from an opinion piece. It's what helps people make an informed purchase.

It's why one of the best pieces of writing about games was also a terrible example of a review. The Eurogamer 10/10 review for Never Alone gave me a whole new perspective on the game from an Alaska native's POV. It was genuinely moving to see someone reconnecting with their culture through a game. It is also a quality bit of longform writing.

But it told me sod all about the imprecise controls and occasionally dodgy AI, two things that are vital to a platformer's quality.The ideal review is a mixture of the reviewers personal take on things (including cultural points etc), basic consumer information and the consideration of what people playing the game's genre typically expect. Finding the balance between these isn't easy, but I respect reviewers that at least try to do this, rather than skewing too far in any direction (that would be most of them).

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Mr Biffo
15/2/2015 10:43:50 am

Excellent point on Never Alone: rarely has a game coupled such worthy and excellent narrative content to such cack-handed controls.

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