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REVIEW: THE LEGEND OF ZELDA - TWILIGHT PRINCESS HD (Wii U)

1/4/2016

6 Comments

 
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Guest review by 'Super Bad Advice'
​
Nipples. HD nipples and Colin. No, not the name of a lewd cabaret double act but rather the overriding memories I’ll take away from playing The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess HD.
 
That’s probably already piqued the interest of the pervos among you, but I’ll come back to them in a sec.

​In the meantime, observe: Twilight Princess is a Wii U remake of the 13th Zelda jaunt, which was coughed out in two forms simultaneously in 2006 as both Ninty’s GameCube swansong and an early Wii title. Technically, this new polished up effort is a remaster of the GameCube version as it features Link in his usual left-handed incarnation. 

​The Wii version was a complete mirror image to accommodate better swordplay with the Wii remote, what with most people being rightys (fact nerds may be interested to know Link has only been right-handed in 2 games: this, and Skyward Sword).

​CH-CH-CH-HD-CHANGES
So 10 years on, what’s changed? Well not a huge amount actually, but what has is all to the good. The game certainly looks much, much nicer as you’d expect, with new, more detailed and richly hued textures used everywhere.

Everything looks suitably lovely in proper HD, though there’s still no denying this is an old game that’s just slapped on the Grecian 2000 and bought some ill-advised skintight jeans from Top Man.

The polygon count whiffs of mustiness in places, and would probably be outclassed by most modern iPad 3D titles. Indeed, the ‘proper’ style of the graphics tends to make this more obvious so in some ways it looks more dated than 2013’s cell-shaded Wind Waker tart-up even though both source material and update are newer.

With that in mind it’s just as well the soundtrack was already a corker (people who buy the deluxe version get a CD of it thrown in, as well as an Amiibo that unlocks an all-new challenge dungeon) and the gameplay holds up remarkably well.
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THE DRILL
It’s a Zelda title, so you probably know the drill: it’s the usual explore dungeon A to get a new item B to allow you to beat boss C, but suffice to say there’s a few unique mechanics in there to prevent staleness (Link’s howling, scent-sniffing wolf form being the most obvious).

Some major annoyances have also been ironed out, such as streamlining the way you change to wolf form to a single button press, and having motion controls for weapons and a map/item screen on the Wii U controller are fabulously convenient. Sadly, despite all the other changes no option to allow wolf Link to wee up lamp-posts has been added.

​All this translates to a more enjoyable experience and the definitive version of what was already a solid game. Though this comes with the caveat that if you’re a game-starved Wii U owner you’d probably have bought this regardless, even if the remake had rendered everything in shades of puce and the soaring orchestral themes had been mystifyingly replaced by a Chas ‘n’ Dave compilation album.

On a personal note it’s certainly drawn me in more than the original did, as back in the day I abandoned playing through the Wii version after simply losing interest. At the time I suspect this was because this game followed the sublime Wind Waker, and with its more doom-laden and straight-faced, grown up approach (this is the oldest age-rated Zelda of them all) it just didn’t feel as much fun.

Of course now I’m older it arguably fits my jaded mindset much more, but that said I’m playing through it with my daughter and she’s enjoying it as much as she did the far more frothy Ocarina of Time.

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​BACKGROUND PERFORMER
The other thing of note is that the titular Zelda is much more of a background character in this one.

​Which is odd, as she’d been more front and centre in both it’s predecessor and follow-up so it’s a bit of a step back (or arguably sideways, to let the mildly annoying Midna take her place).

In fact the supporting cast are a bit more anonymous altogether. Village kid Colin, who I mentioned earlier, is a standout simply because everyone else has suitably elfish fantasy names and he’s inexplicably called Colin.
 
And of course there’s Ooccoo, the hands-down strangest thing in any Zelda game, ever. Functionally Ooccoo is great – a little chum who lets you warp out of any dungeon and save, then warp back in again to where you left off.

​Visually she’s a bloody nightmare: a pallid hen-like creature with what appears to be droopy human breasts with sagging blue nipples, topped by a human-ish face with pinky, pupil-free eyes and half an Easter egg for the back of her head. If there’s one thing that didn’t need bringing into the high-def era, it’s that monstrosity. Bring back Tingle, Nintendo, that’s all I can say (note to Nintendo: please don’t bring back Tingle either).

RUBBISH STRAW
Twilight Princess isn’t likely to ever be the most popular pick for best Zelda game ever – on an admittedly rubbish straw poll of me and about 3 other people I know who have played most of them, we all chose others.

However, not being the best Zelda game ever doesn’t in any way mean it’s bad: like being able to ‘only’ eat 150 cream crackers in 5 minutes as opposed to 200, it’s still a quality effort not to be sniffed at. If you own a Wii U and missed it first time round you’d be daft to miss it again.

​Though much like the aforementioned mass consumption of savoury biscuits, having to look at Ooccoo will doubtless leave you dry-mouthed and bulging with regret.

SUMMARY: Not the best Zelda game ever - but it's still a Zelda game. Ie; good.
SCORE: ​7.6 mutant chicken eggs out of 9.

Mr Biffo is unwell.
FROM THE ARCHIVE:
NO THANKS: 14 GROWN MEN DRESSED UP LIKE TINGLE
MOTIVATIONAL VIDEO GAME QUOTES
10 VINTAGE VIDEO GAME BOARD GAMES - FROM MB GAMES


6 Comments
babloo
1/4/2016 03:08:05 pm

Only one of the three screenshots in this article is from the new version of the game.

First image is the Gamecube version, emulated, with a HD texture pack and the second is a standard Wii screenshot.

YOU CLEARLY DIDN'T EVEN PLAY THIS GAME. OMG! ETHICS!

Reply
Dangerous Dave
1/4/2016 05:49:39 pm

I just can't bring myself to play this game. I was happy enough with Ocarina of Time. This doesn't look all that different. Neither did Majora's Mask.

Reply
Euphemia
2/4/2016 02:07:10 pm

This was such a disappointment after Wind Waker, bored the plums off me. I can't see giving it an HD coat making it any less shit, the graphics were one of the few things wrong with it.

Reply
Super Bad Advice
4/4/2016 09:55:40 am

Re: the screenshots - I can only assume Biffo was already pre-holiday drunk and pressed all the wrong buttons. Still, same game though so you get the idea (sorry).

And yes - as I mentioned in the review I got bored of it first time out too, but it just seemed to work better for me this time round. I think it definitely fits a more traditional control scheme better than the Wii version did with the Wiimote, and some bits that were previously frustrating were no problem this time, so that may be it.

Reply
Dirty Barry
4/4/2016 02:49:22 pm

It always fascinates me that most people are not that fond of Twilight Princess. It is probably my second favourite after Ocarina. All the charm and quirkiness of Ocarina, in a more expansive world. TP was darker than OOT, but not too dark like the halucinagenic nightmare that was Majoras Mask.

The one that bitterly disappointed me the most was Skyward Sword, dull tedium in a world that felt small. The only Zelda game I could not be bothered to complete.

In any case when most of us still have our original wii copy of TP, the remake is pretty pointless. Where is our new Zelda game, Nintendo? You promised!

Reply
Vent-o-matic
8/4/2016 11:12:56 pm

Bring back tingle

Reply



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