DIGITISER
  • MAIN PAGE
  • Features
  • Videos
  • Game Reviews
  • FAQ

REVIEW: PROJECT CARS (PS4/Xbox One/PC)

10/5/2015

3 Comments

 
PictureSo very, very dull.
Brrm brrrrrrm. That's the noise cars make, isn't it? And aren't cars exciting? 

It's no wonder Jeremy Clarkson keeps punching producers in the mouth - spending all day surrounded by cars, he's probably in a near-constant state of over-excitement, and has no other outlet for the gallons of adrenaline that are coursing through his veins, like a furious river.

So. Yeah. Phwoar. Cars, eh? Cars! Cars cars cars. Cars-y, cars-y cars. Cars go fast, and cars are shiny, and cars look like massive, roaring penises, and... no - wait. What? That's not right. That's not right at all. Let's start again.

Let's start like this: cars are boring. In fact, cars so boring they should change their name to "dullwagons". Hah. HA HA.

HA HA HA HA!!!!

See, you may think you love cars, but you'd be terribly mistaken. Cars are not interesting, and there's no point you spending tens of thousands of pounds on a brand new car to paper over your depression, instead of, y'know, getting a 12 year-old Vauxhall Zafira, or something, and saving the money to buy crisps. Lots and lots of crisps. Push those feelings down with crisps. Cars are for getting from A to B, and being filled with discarded McDonald's packaging. Fact.

So now that we've revealed all this, you might as well cancel your subscription to Top Gear magazine, and burn your Stig calendar, and forget about that holiday to the Nürburgring. Cars, and all things to do with cars (except crashes and stunts and car washes), are achingly, crushingly,  tiresome and awful and insipid and we hate them.

PictureLook: boring.
DULL
So, we may find cars boring, but - and this might surprise you - we actually like a good racing game. Though, of course, we probably all have a different view of what constitutes a good racing game.

To the best of our knowledge, there are three types of racing games: racing games like Mario Kart 8, which are fun and colourful and have no interest in pretending to be real; racing games like Burnout or Forza, which seem grown-up at first glance, but are actually highly silly and instantly playable; and games like Gran Turismo that are the video game equivalent of being stuck with someone who just wants to drone on about his share portfolio all evening. 


Can you guess which type of racing game we like the least? That's right: it's the latter type - the simulation. And can you guess which type of racing game Project CARS is? Yes. Yes - that's also correct. That last one.

MORE BORING
Fact is, if there's one thing more boring than cars themselves, it's writing about cars. One of the most awful and psychologically scarring things that ever happened to Digitiser2000's Mr Biffo was being commissioned to write a 4,000-word review of some ruddy motorbike racing game - and now that he's doing this job for coins he's not about to self-harm like that ever again. 

If you'd like a review of Project CARS that goes into detail, and gets excited by the physics, and the authenticity, well... that's what Google is for.

In short: if you enjoy sensible car simulations, and would like one that doesn't hold your hand - but offers you a ton of options (you can tweak almost anything in the game - dialling it all down for a more arcade-y experience - much appreciated around our parts - or right up for an even more boring and frustrating challenge) - you'll probably love Project CARS. 

There are 60+ real-life brrm-brrms, a ton of real-life tracks, it does a good job of immersing you in feeling like a racing driver (we enjoyed the pit crew radio messages that crackle from your PS4 joypad), and though there are better looking racing games out there, Project CARZZZzzzzzzzzZZZzzzz... zzzzzzz... prrrrrth.

Sorry. Our brain wont allow us to continue. 

Project CARS, then. It's pretty good, if you like deep, dry, punishing racing sims, and want to pretend you're driving around Silverstone for the umpteenth time. In fact, it's probably the best, most exhaustive, straight-laced racing sim on the current-consoles. Now off you go then...

Oh! But wait, Graham! Come back!

We do have one final word: there are a few bugs (we were literally bumped around a track by a CPU-controlled driver during one race, and some of the online races seemed to get off to a glitchy start). 

Anyway, that's really it. That's your review. Whatevs.

SUMMARY: Grown-up, exhaustive, polished, but lacking character and a sense of fun. Let down only by a few AI bugs, and some online glitches, and by not being the sort of thing we'd usually choose to play. We can't love everything, guy.
SCORE: 71.5mph out of 120.42kph.

FROM THE ARCHIVE:
  • REVIEW: BATTLEFIELD HARDLINE (Various)
  • REVIEW: SCREAMRIDE (Xbox One/360)
  • REVIEW: CALL OF DUTY - ADVANCED WARFARE (Various)
3 Comments
kelvingreen link
10/5/2015 02:10:00 pm

It was never going to be anything special with a title that dull.

WOZNIAK!

Reply
Gaijintendo
10/5/2015 03:34:46 pm

I used to love Sega Rally back on my friend's Saturn. And I remember Metropolis Street Racer was amazing fun.
But then, many years later, my grandad died, and I inherited his corsa and had to drive 350 miles home after stupidly viewing his bloated body, and the funeral.
It was my first time driving after I got my license and I couldn't sleep that night because my hands hurt, and the sound of road noise just echoed about my brain.
Now every sim game has a painful getting the head gasket replaced asoect, and a selling it off and hoping the girl doesn't notice the suspension is buggered screen.
I don't need that, to be honest. Life is shitty enough. I worked hard at my job in Shenmue, and where did that get me? Nowhere near a conclusion.
I quit.

Reply
Super Bad Advice
15/5/2015 02:00:59 am

Oh man, the world so needs a new Burnout game.

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    This section will not be visible in live published website. Below are your current settings:


    Current Number Of Columns are = 2

    Expand Posts Area =

    Gap/Space Between Posts = 12px

    Blog Post Style = card

    Use of custom card colors instead of default colors = 1

    Blog Post Card Background Color = current color

    Blog Post Card Shadow Color = current color

    Blog Post Card Border Color = current color

    Publish the website and visit your blog page to see the results

    Picture
    Support Me on Ko-fi
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    RSS Feed Widget
    Picture

    Picture
    Tweets by @mrbiffo
    Picture
    Follow us on The Facebook

    Picture

    Archives

    December 2022
    May 2022
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    November 2020
    September 2020
    July 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014


    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.
  • MAIN PAGE
  • Features
  • Videos
  • Game Reviews
  • FAQ