As we left, I reassured her that I did pretty badly in my O Levels, leaving school with just four measly pass grades, and a U in Geography, because I'd chosen to play video games rather than revise... and yet... and yet, here I am in 2016AD - the owner of an actual virtual reality headset.
That's literally what I thought, and I wasn't trying to be funny. For all my carping and crowing and moaning and naysaying about VR over the past couple of years, I finally own a proper VR headset, thanks to Sony's almost-affordable new PS4 add-on... And I think I love it. It feels like the future. Like owning a jetpack, or a machine which 3D prints small dogs, or a big, bronze, chair with LEDs in the armrests, or something.
However, this isn't a review of the PSVR's games; those are on the way. This is a review of the hardware, of the very idea of PSVR. And despite everything, despite all my resistance to VR, it's a very good idea indeed.
And like many of the best ideas - hen parties, drinking from an un-flushed toilet, licking a football stadium seat for a bet - it also made me feel sick.
The first thing you need to know about the PSVR is that it isn't as cheap as Sony wants you to believe. £349 will merely get you a headset.
You also need the camera, and probably a couple of Move controllers - because only idiots bought those first time around. You're probably looking at another hundred quid at least on top of the initial outlay. Plus games.
Yes, that's still cheaper than Oculus Rift, or Vive - especially when you factor in a meaty PC - but prior to my PlayStation VR turning up yesterday... I spent a lot of the day fretting over the cost. You know: "Because I don't even like VR".
And then it turned up. And now I do like VR - but with a few beefy caveats.
PSVR comes in a really nice box, containing the headset, and about 500 metres of cable. There are a lot of different things you'll need to plug into other different things in order to make PlayStation VR happen. A surprising number of things. THINGS! However, it was remarkably easy to set up. From accidentally ripping the box as I opened it, to having the headset on and being in another place entirely, took about ten minutes, tops.
The headset is light, comfortable, and though the lenses aren't the best - sometimes there's a sort of "dusty" effect, in low-light scenes, and being a fat, sweaty, man, they do tend to mist up for me - it feels like a quality bit of kit.
Nonetheless, any issues I have are really only niggles. Basically, PlayStation VR works. It's more than good enough, and significantly better than I expected it to be. For the games/experiences I've played so far, I've even managed just fine with the Dualshock. I've yet to even plug in my Move controllers.
To date, I've only really played on Sony's VR Worlds - to the PSVR what Wii Sports was to the Wii - but they do the job, as collection of proof-of-concept demos. To a point.
Like most of the demos on Worlds, The Heist is fantastic, but sadly short-lived. It's pure Guy Ritchie - all East End gangster cliches, from torture scenes, to an hysterical shoot-out during which I was repeatedly ducking for cover, to a bonkers motorway chase.
In fact, it's so good at demonstrating what VR is capable of, that you have to question Sony's wisdom in littering it with real bad swear-me-ups: I wanted the kids to play it, but didn't feel entirely comfortable at the sheer barrage of effing. In that respect, Wii Sports it ain't.
Ocean Descent is sedate - barring a surprise appearance from a shark - but does a fine job of showcasing the awe that VR can inspire. Under the waves, surrounded by submersibles and sea life, I finally understood that, in the right hands, VR is incredible. Thing is, you have to experience it. There's no way to really convey its power in words alone. That might be a problem for the medium going forwards, in terms of it punching through.
Also, my experience became a little more problematic when I played the sci-fi shoot 'em up Scavenger's Odyssey. Something I've learned in my day or so with PlayStation VR is this: so long as the games/experiences are relatively sedate, I'm fine. The second it all gets action-packed, and I'm driving, or moving... I can manage about five minutes before I want to throw up. And it's not just feeling a little nauseous: it's proper back-of-the-throat, I'm going-to-be-sick-any-second, nausea.
Apparently, you can build up a resistance over time - gradually increasing the amount of minutes you spend in the virtual worlds - but at the moment, I'm a long way from being there.
That simply adds to something I kept thinking while I was playing: this is a theme park in your home.
It's little wonder that the go-to demo for virtual reality has long been a rollercoaster.
A Theme Park is the best way I can describe the PlayStation VR - and, likely, VR as a whole. I'm still not sure it's ever going to work for full games. At least, not with the current technology.
It might be best reserved for experiences - like you get in a theme park. And that's fine, really. I mean, I love theme parks, and the irony about VR - for all its sensory deprivation - is that I want other people to try it. It has that same "You've got to give this a go" quality, which gets me evangelising about the best theme park rides (if you ever dare risk getting me started on them, I swear I won't shut-up for hours - I probably watch more YouTube videos of people visiting Universal Studios and Disney than I do regular TV).
In that respect, in terms of games, it reminds me of the first Christmas I spent with the Nintendo Wii, the whole family gathered around the telly, taking it in turns to play Wii Sports. At its best, PlayStation VR really transported me beyond real life, and that's something I don't want to experience alone. I wish there was a way to hook up a second headset.
I mean, there's a protracted dialogue scene early in The Heist, where a gangster boss monologed at me. After a couple of minutes, my brain genuinely thought I was sat at a pub table. After playing with a cigar and a lighter, just enjoying picking them up and holding them to my face while he blathered on... I tried resting my arm on the table - forgetting entirely that it wasn't really there. When I finally removed the headset, there was a real moment of bewilderment.
So, for me... the jury remains out, to a degree, and is going to depend on whether I can get over the whole sickness thing. I've got a bunch of proper games to review, and I'll let you know how I get on.
But know ye this: VR really does feel like we've been flung suddenly into the future. And as the most affordable option on the market, if you can justify the initial splurge, I doubt you'll be disappointed by PlayStation VR - just have a bucket nearby.