I appreciate that this makes me sound like a decrepit geriatric, but thick colds give me the sensation of being strapped to a waterbed during an earthquake, theme park rides render me clammy and woozy, and when I made the mistake, a couple of days before Christmas, of looking at my phone while in the back of a cab, I came so close to "airing my stomach" that I wound down the window and started screaming at passers-by.
Suffice to say, I've not played anything in VR since Resident Evil VII - which was great and all that, but resulted in me fleeing outside to vomit over my neighbour's fence. Old-fashioned it may be, but I'm of an age where I prefer entertainment which doesn't make me throw-up.
And then there's the other thing which was putting me off using my PSVR: the wires.
It was a faff-and-a-half to set up. The floor around my TV already resembles an eel farm, and the PSVR invited a fresh bed (the collective term for eels, apparently) to join this "liquorice orgy". It was only a matter of time until the wires got all knotted, and my bun-fisted behaviour ended up ripping off one of the HDMI connectors. And that is indeed what has happened. Which is fine, because I didn't want to play the thing anyway - because of the "ralphing".
And yet... VR as an idea still appeals. I get why people think it's the future. I get the potential. And thus, because it takes me a long time to learn my lesson, just before Christmas I splashed out on a mid-range Oculus Go in the hope that it would offer some family-friendly whimsy.
Behold, then, a very belated review of this.
The Oculus Go is obviously underpowered compared to its PC-fuelled big brother, the Rift - with little more oomph behind the eyes than a smartphone. That's mostly fine though, because modern smartphones are already absurdly powerful. They boast thousands of times more welly than the computer they had aboard Apollo 11, which even struggled to run Minecraft. Experts suggest that if you'd shown an iPhone to Neil Armstrong he'd have burned you at the stake for being a witch.
What the Go really has in its favour is its price (there are 32gb and 64gb options, with the cost reflected accordingly), and a complete lack of tethers; it's essentially a step-up from a Google Cardboard or Gear VR, with everything you need built into the goggles, and a rather nice ergonomic controller/buttplug.
This means you can, providing you're not a clumsy oaf, experience VR in a friend's bath, or while sat up a tree. The ease of set-up has seen me using it far more than I'd anticipated.
The build quality of the Go is excellent; it's fairly lightweight, comfortable, responsive, and the lenses are crisp - though can't disguise the relatively low resolution (and there is some fisheye-ing around the edges). It even comes with an adaptor to make it usable with glasses. This is good.
It also has a healthy battery life - a couple of hours - though charging could be quicker (indeed, most things to do with the Go could be quicker; navigating the menus and loading times are somewhat grind-y).
The positioning of the volume and power buttons rather irritated; having them on the top of the unit meant that I tended to switch the thing off while trying to adjust its position. It's possible to plug in a pair of headphones, but there are already speakers built into straps, which are surprisingly decent and provide a good surround sound-style effect.
Purchasing software from the Oculus store is a cinch, offering a broad selection of games, apps, experiences and virtual chat rooms. Inevitably, with literally thousands of products available - and not much in the way of an approval process - the quality varies from remarkably good to toilet-level. Virtual Virtual Reality and They Suspect Nothing showcase the immersive potential of VR gaming, while Anshar Online and Republique VR aren't far off PSVR quality in terms of their visuals.
Mostly, though, I've been using the Go for casual experiences; 360-degree videos, interactive documentaries, or exploring Google Street View via the app Wander. I've spent some happy times wandering Chernobyl and - somewhat coincidentally - travelling to the moon with Neil Armstrong. He didn't even attempt to burn me at the stake!
So here's the thing... Oculus Go has done the impossible; it's pulled me tentatively back onto the path of being a believer in VR.
I don't know if it's because I'm just getting used to it, or because I was mainly using it for more passive adventures, but the nausea has been less of an issue (though not entirely eradicated). Also, I can't overstate the impact of having a standalone VR headset.
As I've said already, the sheer fiddliness of setting up my PSVR was a huge barrier to me using the thing. Being able to play games while sat on the sofa as other people watch TV has made an enormous difference. Although, I can hear them laughing - and I frequently get filmed while wearing it...
Oculus Go is what VR should be; accessible to everyone, and good enough that the potential of VR is there to see. I tried it on my family, and my 84 year-old dad's reaction summed it up; "This shouldn't be possible."
Of course, then he had to take the headset off because he felt sick, but... y'know.
It's close to being the 'VR for the masses' solution that virtual reality has needed, and as good a product as you could realistically expect for the price.
I'm now cautiously excited for the release of the Oculus Quest later this year, which will offer all the benefits of the Go, but with power closer to the Rift.
Imagine if Neil Armstrong had a go on one of those. He'd probably not only burn you at the stake, but also punch Buzz Aldrin in the nipple!
SCORE: 360 degrees out of 400 degrees