Back in the day, I always lived in hope that Digitiser would eventually start reviewing Neo Geo games.
Unfortunately, that would've required a) Having a Neo Geo on which to review said games, and - at £600-plus (the games alone could be several hundred quid) - it was unlikely that either Teletext or myself was going to buy one, and b) It was only really available in the UK via import, an offering for lunatics who didn't have anything better to do with their money.
The most alluring aspect of SNK's Neo Geo - apart from it being sternum-disruptingly expensive - is that it offered true arcade-quality graphics in your own pantry.
Yeah, the Super NES and Mega Drive may have intermittently claimed the same, but the Neo Geo really was an arcade machine; its innards were designed for something called the Multi Video System - a multi-game arcade Jonesy, which used cartridges that could be swapped around by arcade owners.
SNK later released a rental-only version for home users, thinking nobody in their right mind would've been stupid enough to pay the astronomical asking price to own one. Ultimately, though, the company caved to pressure from stupid people who were clearly not in the right minds, reconfigured it - in the process making it the first home console with removable memory cards - and flogged it to consumers as a high-end, luxury, proposition.
You know: like the console equivalent of a Heston Blumenthal-branded prawn cocktail from Waitrose (it's just like a normal prawn cocktail, except that it costs forty quid, and the secret whimsical ingredient is a dugong's cortex).
Unfortunately, it arrived in homes just in time to have a brief window where it strutted supreme as the console with the best graphics, before its cheaper rivals started offering 3D visuals which the sprite-laden Neo Geo didn't have a hope in Hot Hairy Heck of displaying.
And now? Now, in celebration of SNK's 40th birthday, it is back as the Neo Geo Mini! Although, there have been Neo Geo machines released steadily since the system's 1991 debut, most recently in 2012 with a Neo Geo handheld.
But anyway....
Thrrrrrrppppp-pp-p-p!
Unfortunately, that would've required a) Having a Neo Geo on which to review said games, and - at £600-plus (the games alone could be several hundred quid) - it was unlikely that either Teletext or myself was going to buy one, and b) It was only really available in the UK via import, an offering for lunatics who didn't have anything better to do with their money.
The most alluring aspect of SNK's Neo Geo - apart from it being sternum-disruptingly expensive - is that it offered true arcade-quality graphics in your own pantry.
Yeah, the Super NES and Mega Drive may have intermittently claimed the same, but the Neo Geo really was an arcade machine; its innards were designed for something called the Multi Video System - a multi-game arcade Jonesy, which used cartridges that could be swapped around by arcade owners.
SNK later released a rental-only version for home users, thinking nobody in their right mind would've been stupid enough to pay the astronomical asking price to own one. Ultimately, though, the company caved to pressure from stupid people who were clearly not in the right minds, reconfigured it - in the process making it the first home console with removable memory cards - and flogged it to consumers as a high-end, luxury, proposition.
You know: like the console equivalent of a Heston Blumenthal-branded prawn cocktail from Waitrose (it's just like a normal prawn cocktail, except that it costs forty quid, and the secret whimsical ingredient is a dugong's cortex).
Unfortunately, it arrived in homes just in time to have a brief window where it strutted supreme as the console with the best graphics, before its cheaper rivals started offering 3D visuals which the sprite-laden Neo Geo didn't have a hope in Hot Hairy Heck of displaying.
And now? Now, in celebration of SNK's 40th birthday, it is back as the Neo Geo Mini! Although, there have been Neo Geo machines released steadily since the system's 1991 debut, most recently in 2012 with a Neo Geo handheld.
But anyway....
Thrrrrrrppppp-pp-p-p!
BUCK'S SAKE
The Neo Geo Mini bucks the current retro console trend of being a shrivelled-up version of the original home hardware - no great loss given that the Neo Geo isn't particularly iconic - in favour of doffing a frond towards the system's roots.
In short, it looks like a tiny SNK arcade machine, complete with built-in screen and interchangeable marquee artwork. There are 40 games thrust into its guts - one for every time SNK's chairman has suffered a bout of diarrhoea.
The hardware is... a mixed bag. The screen is bright and crisp, but the in-built speaker has about as much bass as a penny whistle in an underpass (you can play through headphones at least). Annoyingly, however, there's no physical volume control - you have to go into the settings to change it, and - as I learned to the distress of my ears - the default is set to LOUD.
You can plug the thing into a TV via a HDMI cable (which costs extra; SNK also offer joypads for an additional fee), but the resolution is, for some reason, terrible. There's an option to apply a filter, but one that, for inexplicable reasons, makes it look like SNK's chairman has done his diarrhoea all over your TV screen.
The arcade cabinet-like design is cute and solid, but they made the odd decision to go with an analogue joystick - which, when playing the Neo Geo's 2D games, makes them challenging for all the wrong reasons.
Lastly, the International version of the machine (there's also an Asia-only one with a different selection of games) has grey buttons atop a dark grey base, which is neither as attractive as the Asia edition's rainbow-hued controlss, nor as practical. Making matters worse, the four buttons are arranged in a rough cross-hair (like on most joypads). On what is essentially a tabletop machine, this makes them awkward and counterintuitive.
I was surprised by how light and easy it was to hold, but any hope of it being properly portable is beasted by the lack of an internal battery. The only way to play the Neo Geo Mini is by plugging it into the wall or an external battery pack.
The Neo Geo Mini bucks the current retro console trend of being a shrivelled-up version of the original home hardware - no great loss given that the Neo Geo isn't particularly iconic - in favour of doffing a frond towards the system's roots.
In short, it looks like a tiny SNK arcade machine, complete with built-in screen and interchangeable marquee artwork. There are 40 games thrust into its guts - one for every time SNK's chairman has suffered a bout of diarrhoea.
The hardware is... a mixed bag. The screen is bright and crisp, but the in-built speaker has about as much bass as a penny whistle in an underpass (you can play through headphones at least). Annoyingly, however, there's no physical volume control - you have to go into the settings to change it, and - as I learned to the distress of my ears - the default is set to LOUD.
You can plug the thing into a TV via a HDMI cable (which costs extra; SNK also offer joypads for an additional fee), but the resolution is, for some reason, terrible. There's an option to apply a filter, but one that, for inexplicable reasons, makes it look like SNK's chairman has done his diarrhoea all over your TV screen.
The arcade cabinet-like design is cute and solid, but they made the odd decision to go with an analogue joystick - which, when playing the Neo Geo's 2D games, makes them challenging for all the wrong reasons.
Lastly, the International version of the machine (there's also an Asia-only one with a different selection of games) has grey buttons atop a dark grey base, which is neither as attractive as the Asia edition's rainbow-hued controlss, nor as practical. Making matters worse, the four buttons are arranged in a rough cross-hair (like on most joypads). On what is essentially a tabletop machine, this makes them awkward and counterintuitive.
I was surprised by how light and easy it was to hold, but any hope of it being properly portable is beasted by the lack of an internal battery. The only way to play the Neo Geo Mini is by plugging it into the wall or an external battery pack.
MEAT BAG
The real meat of any retro system is the games, and... as with the hardware, it's a mixed bag - at least on the International Mini that I have.
If you like Metal Slug games or King of Fighters games, or beat 'em ups which are pretty much interchangeable with King of Fighters, then you're well served. Admittedly, that's to be expected, given SNK's long history of producing quality, Capcom-baiting, beat 'em ups.
In addition, there are some scrolling shoot 'em ups, a few sports games, and a couple of platformers, but variety is not a big selling point here. What might also be an issue for some is that all of these games have for years been readily available - with varying levels of legality - elsewhere.
It's hard to know exactly who the Neo Geo Mini is aimed at. It doesn't do enough right to appeal to the hardcore, while the brand itself is possibly too obscure to appeal to a more casual audience - despite looking and feeling like one of those cheap-and-cheerful consoles you find in Menkind next to the nose-hair trimmers shaped like erections, and Only Fools And Horses-branded drones (it isn't cheap and cheerful, though; it'll set you back £129.99).
For all that, I didn't dislike the Neo Geo Mini. There are no real duffers in terms of the selection of games, but the stark reality is... if I wanted to play, say, Metal Slug 5, there are more convenient and more comfortable ways to do so without hunching over a tiny arcade cabinet, with a tiny stick, looking like I'm... I dunno... Hagrid trying to retrieve a fowl from a cranny.
SCORE: 22 out of 40 Glorious Years
The real meat of any retro system is the games, and... as with the hardware, it's a mixed bag - at least on the International Mini that I have.
If you like Metal Slug games or King of Fighters games, or beat 'em ups which are pretty much interchangeable with King of Fighters, then you're well served. Admittedly, that's to be expected, given SNK's long history of producing quality, Capcom-baiting, beat 'em ups.
In addition, there are some scrolling shoot 'em ups, a few sports games, and a couple of platformers, but variety is not a big selling point here. What might also be an issue for some is that all of these games have for years been readily available - with varying levels of legality - elsewhere.
It's hard to know exactly who the Neo Geo Mini is aimed at. It doesn't do enough right to appeal to the hardcore, while the brand itself is possibly too obscure to appeal to a more casual audience - despite looking and feeling like one of those cheap-and-cheerful consoles you find in Menkind next to the nose-hair trimmers shaped like erections, and Only Fools And Horses-branded drones (it isn't cheap and cheerful, though; it'll set you back £129.99).
For all that, I didn't dislike the Neo Geo Mini. There are no real duffers in terms of the selection of games, but the stark reality is... if I wanted to play, say, Metal Slug 5, there are more convenient and more comfortable ways to do so without hunching over a tiny arcade cabinet, with a tiny stick, looking like I'm... I dunno... Hagrid trying to retrieve a fowl from a cranny.
SCORE: 22 out of 40 Glorious Years
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