Show me a chapter in On The Origin of the Species which explains that, Darwin. You can't can you? You have messed-up yet again. As with bumblebees and giraffes, your so-called "theories" fall apart under close scrutiny. The only explanation for Kirby is that God made him.
And this, sweet reader, is why Kirby is more commonly known by the appellation "Darwin's Aberration".
Weirdly, there have been more Kirby games released in recent years than there have Mario games. For a character that was always sort of Nintendo's dirty underdog - despite having his fans - that seems to be quite the indicator of faith. And good, because - dating back to Kirby Super Star on the Super NES - I've always had a bit of a soft spot for the squidgy fuchsia stress ball.
If you've played Kirby: Triple Deluxe, you'll feel so at home with Planet Robobot you'll be going to the lavatory with the door open.
It's very much that game - traditional side-scrolling platformer, with a main character who can assume the abilities of his opponents by inhaling them - with one major addition. This time around, for large swathes of the levels, Kirby can jump into robotic exoskeletons, which makes him virtually indestructible.
Nicely, the robotic exoskeletons can also absorb the abilities of the enemies - but they're given a typically big-robot twist. Respire on an umbrella guy, for example, and your robosuit will develop massive helicopter rotorblades. Suck in a sword dude, and you'll be hacking your way through thick wooden beams.
Like Triple Deluxe, Robobot makes dazzling use of the 3DS's capabilities. Levels stretch into the background, and at points Kirby can move back and forth between the rear of the screen and the foreground. Cars and buses will streak towards the front of the screen. Enemies will lob stuff at you from the distance. Big spinny things swipe across both planes, threatening to poke out your retinas. The graphics - like the levels and abilities - are properly great.
Also lovely are Kirby's abilities. As well as several old favourites, Kirby can now become a deadly chemist, a a sort of poisonous witch doctor, and a disembodied armpit that whimpers and shivers beneath a tarp.
As well as the regular story mode, there are a couple of bonus modes - a simple isometric arena brawler, and something called Team Kirby Clash, that plays a bit like a turn-based RPG battle.
Neither lasts terribly long, but they're welcome additions nevertheless.
Bottom line: games this joyful, this beautiful and this uncynical, are few and far between these days. It's a throwback, chronically unfashionable, but it looks backwards with the benefit of modern technology and new ideas. It might not offer anything in the way of challenge, but you'd have to be the most embittered and contemptuous misanthrope not to enjoy it.
In an industry where our games often seem to be reflections of a world that has lost its innocence, that seems to grow darker and more depressing by the day, Planet Robobot is the perfect antidote.
SUMMARY: A joy. Right now, games don't get more essential.
SCORE: 15.7 hominins out of 15.8