Being some sort of hilarious slapstick idiot, I really badly burnt my thumb earlier this week.
It was quite a nasty burn - the skin split, like it had been sliced with a knife. And - ha ha - just when it was starting to scab over, I dropped my laptop, and it sliced the scab off, and there was blood everywhere.
Anyway - this is all unnecessary preamble to tell you this: I'm a bit late getting Tom Clancy's The Division reviewed, due to this thumb injury. It's a big game, as Ubisoft games tend to be, so I thought I'd give you a bit of a review-in-progress/first-thoughts sort of a thing.
And here are those thoughts, illustrated with a gallery of babies doing a lovely poo.
It was quite a nasty burn - the skin split, like it had been sliced with a knife. And - ha ha - just when it was starting to scab over, I dropped my laptop, and it sliced the scab off, and there was blood everywhere.
Anyway - this is all unnecessary preamble to tell you this: I'm a bit late getting Tom Clancy's The Division reviewed, due to this thumb injury. It's a big game, as Ubisoft games tend to be, so I thought I'd give you a bit of a review-in-progress/first-thoughts sort of a thing.
And here are those thoughts, illustrated with a gallery of babies doing a lovely poo.
18. This game would be baffling if you didn't already know how video games do things. Remember when manuals weren't just a flimsy pamphlet full of nothing but copyright info, and a plug for the publisher's website, but actually explained the game?
17. Because its an online-only game, you have to download a massive patch before you can start playing. Remember when you used to be able to just play a game the minute you got home with it? Do you? Mm? Do you remember that as well?
16. Slick opening sequence with real, live actors, sets up yet another post-apocalyptic scenario: a virus is spread through money that exchanges hands on Black Friday. It just about sets the scene, and what titular 'The Division' is - sort of - but doesn't do a lot else.
15. The character creation screen isn't the most exhaustive ever seen - but who cares, right? I managed to make myself a very handsome man, with sweet brown eyes and no tattoos.
14. It's a very good-looking game, set in a snowy, post-Christmas, post-abandonment, New York. It's an open world game - of course - and certainly feels like you can go anywhere in Manhattan. We'll see how far that extends.
13. The default weapons are next to useless - about as effective as shooting at enemies with cans of compressed air. And that includes the grenades.
12. The menus and inventory are confusing, fiddly, and a bit off-putting. Feels like there's a lot of flash obscuring their effectiveness.
11. There's no jump button. Combat takes a while to get used to - as it it's more about cover and flanking than storming into action - but once it clicks into place, it's actually a lot of fun.
10. After playing around with some of the skill options, the most vital of the initial choices is the 'pulse' - which gives you a 'detective mode'-style overview of your surroundings.
9. The map is as confusing and unhelpful as the menu screens and inventory. Please stop with the 3D 'holographic' maps - they're never as good as 2D, top-down ones.
8. The hub/home base is also a bit bewildering. Lots of other players just sort of hanging around - you can invite them to team up with you - but it's confusing, at least at first, as to who you're supposed to speak with regarding missions.
7. New York really does feel very authentic and atmospheric, but this is seemingly not a game that's big on story - so heck knows what Tom Clancy's involvement was. It's all a bit written-on-the-back-of-a-fag packet-y.
6. There are a few little bugs and glitches - mostly graphical - but playing online feels pretty solid and reliable thus far.
5. Despite it looking like it'll be yet another Ubisoft map-mopper, they've actually done a pretty good job of making it feel different to all the others.
4. Not all those design choices are for the better, mind - some of them feel idiosyncratic for the sake of it.
3. Though it wasn't as easy to get to grips with as most gung-ho shooters usually are, once you understand the rhythm of the gameplay, it really works - and feels distinct. Finding someone to play with will improve your experience, but it isn't essential.
2. The characters literally couldn't be more bland.
1. I'll keep you posted.
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