What is Godzilla? Where did he come from? We get that, in a cultural context, Godzilla is some sort of metaphorical embodiment of the destructive potential of nuclear power.
We think they missed a trick, however, by not making him a more literal representation of the devastation wreaked on Japan by America. Say, a giant, atomic fire-breathing Guy Fieri, who stomped and spat death on Japanese cities while chanting "U-S-A! U-S-A!".
Fictionally speaking, Godzilla is supposedly a cross between a gorilla and a whale - some sort of giant prehistoric creature, awakened by atomic testing. If you ask us, that sort of mix should result in a peaceful, social, hairy creature, who eats krill... not some giant reptilian thing, who smashes buildings with his big, fat, dinosaur tail.
But perhaps we're overthinking this.
We think they missed a trick, however, by not making him a more literal representation of the devastation wreaked on Japan by America. Say, a giant, atomic fire-breathing Guy Fieri, who stomped and spat death on Japanese cities while chanting "U-S-A! U-S-A!".
Fictionally speaking, Godzilla is supposedly a cross between a gorilla and a whale - some sort of giant prehistoric creature, awakened by atomic testing. If you ask us, that sort of mix should result in a peaceful, social, hairy creature, who eats krill... not some giant reptilian thing, who smashes buildings with his big, fat, dinosaur tail.
But perhaps we're overthinking this.
FOR GODZ SAKE
Do you remember Rampage, the old Bally Midway arcade game, wherein three giant creatures attack a city? They're making that into a film apparently. We're not sure how that'll pan out, but as a game it was a classic.
Indeed, given that they got it so right thirty years ago, you'd think it'd be hard to mess up a game in which you control a massive, atomic fire-breathing, whale-gorilla thing, with the express aim of destroying as much of Japan as possible. But actually, it's pretty easy to do that.
Firstly, all you have to do is burden your main character with one of the most inexplicably clumsy control schemes ever, making it especially difficult to manoeuvre an already slow and lumbering beast. You know: rather than use the control sticks, which would seem like the most logical thing to do, assign turning left and right to the buttons. Make this control even more challenging through a woeful camera system.
Secondly, you need to wear down the player with repetitive and apparently pointless gameplay tasks - march across the landscape, destroy buildings, fight another giant monster, swat helicopters, destroy reactor. Also: tease them with the promise that doing this will power up your creature, but never convincingly deliver on that pledge.
Lastly, cripple the game with some appalling, bland, dated graphics, so they don't even have the incentive of ever more lush visuals to push them through the tedium.
That's Godzilla in an atomic nutshell.
Do you remember Rampage, the old Bally Midway arcade game, wherein three giant creatures attack a city? They're making that into a film apparently. We're not sure how that'll pan out, but as a game it was a classic.
Indeed, given that they got it so right thirty years ago, you'd think it'd be hard to mess up a game in which you control a massive, atomic fire-breathing, whale-gorilla thing, with the express aim of destroying as much of Japan as possible. But actually, it's pretty easy to do that.
Firstly, all you have to do is burden your main character with one of the most inexplicably clumsy control schemes ever, making it especially difficult to manoeuvre an already slow and lumbering beast. You know: rather than use the control sticks, which would seem like the most logical thing to do, assign turning left and right to the buttons. Make this control even more challenging through a woeful camera system.
Secondly, you need to wear down the player with repetitive and apparently pointless gameplay tasks - march across the landscape, destroy buildings, fight another giant monster, swat helicopters, destroy reactor. Also: tease them with the promise that doing this will power up your creature, but never convincingly deliver on that pledge.
Lastly, cripple the game with some appalling, bland, dated graphics, so they don't even have the incentive of ever more lush visuals to push them through the tedium.
That's Godzilla in an atomic nutshell.
GODZILLA? SOD 'ZILLA
There's not really much more to say about Godzilla. We could go into some greater detail about what's wrong with it, the game modes, about the opponents you'll face from Godzilla's rogues gallery, but we don't recommend you buy this game, or even look at it, so there seems little point.
Much as Godzilla himself is a relic from an age when giant, reptilian, atomic gorilla-whales walked the earth, Godzilla: The Game is a relic from an era when licensed games were pumped out with the minimum of care, on the hope that the name alone would shift sufficient copies to justify the initial investment.
SUMMARY: A rampage of tedium. Looks like an early iOS game, and plays like a dead pig.
SCORE: Nothing out of Everything.
There's not really much more to say about Godzilla. We could go into some greater detail about what's wrong with it, the game modes, about the opponents you'll face from Godzilla's rogues gallery, but we don't recommend you buy this game, or even look at it, so there seems little point.
Much as Godzilla himself is a relic from an age when giant, reptilian, atomic gorilla-whales walked the earth, Godzilla: The Game is a relic from an era when licensed games were pumped out with the minimum of care, on the hope that the name alone would shift sufficient copies to justify the initial investment.
SUMMARY: A rampage of tedium. Looks like an early iOS game, and plays like a dead pig.
SCORE: Nothing out of Everything.
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