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REVIEW: GODS REMASTERED (SWITCH)

4/4/2019

65 Comments

 
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The Bitmap Brothers were among the first "rock star" games developers - an image they chose to cultivate, with photographs of them in sunglasses and denim jackets, fannying around next to helicopters.

From 1988 to 2001 they released a string of diverse games - from the arcade shooting of Xenon and Xenon 2 to the futuristic sports of the Speedball series - becoming best known for their distinct visual style... which was all sort chunky and shiny, with no deep blacks... Look, I know that's a terrible description of it, but you try coming up with something better. 

Truthfully... I loved what The Bitmaps' games looked like, but always found them a bit wanting in the gameplay department. They were too tough, too fiddly; often a case of style over substance. Still, you know what people are like; they just want good looking games that have been made by some men in sunglasses who fanny around near helicopters, pretending to be cool.

And here we are in 2019; one of The Bitmaps' most heralded Amiga/ST games - Gods - is back to be reevaluated in the harsh, unflattering, light of the 21st Century. 
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SODS MORE LIKE
Gods is one of those games that, in this day and age, would be called a "Metroidvania" - a term I don't particularly appreciate, because it reminds me of the early days of gaming, when old people would describe every game, irrespective of what it was, as "A Space Invaders". 

In short, it was, and is, a platform shoot 'em up, set in a demon-infested Ancient Greece, with some annoying puzzle elements. That's basically what a "Metroidvania" is, isn't it? Sort of? To be honest, I'm not entirely sure, and I don't think many people are entirely sure. What was wrong with "platform shoot 'em up" or "platform adventure"? Why d'you have to come up with stupid new names for things?

And while I am at it, you can shove the term "Roguelike" up your arse too. What does that even mean? Call it a "randomly-generated RPG" or something. Now you even get these idiots calling Dead Cells a "roguelike metroidvania", which to anybody with a life just reads like a load of random nonsense words stuck together.

Back in my day, at least the names we gave genres made sense. If you asked some millennial games journo to find a way to describe driving games, they'd probably call them "speedthrusters" or "winvards" or "drift-bois".

Hey - let's come up with a term for people who come up with these terms! Let's call them, oh, I dunno... "wankertwats" or "callowcretins".

It gets right under my shirt it does. Metroidvania and Roguelike, for pity's sake. Just fuck off.

​Where was I? Oh yeah. I was meant to be reviewing Gods...
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SWITCH BACK
Right, basically, Gods Remastered overhauls the visuals and sound of the original - albeit in a way that cleverly adds absolutely nothing to the experience. Beyond that, it's the same, clunky, nicely-animated-but-not-much-else, game that it always was. 

Though you can flick back and forth between the new version and the old one, it's completely pointless, given that Bitmap Brothers games were mainly known for their visuals and sound. It's like asking some rando to remix The Joshua Tree, and he replaces The Edge's guitar with the yelps of a robot dog.

The new graphics add nothing, and merely serve to strip away the character of the original. Without that distinct Bitmaps sheen, Gods is revealed as a slow, frustrating, and woefully dated game. I defy even the most rabid Amiga fanboy to think that it stands up to scrutiny in 2019. 

I'm fine with old games getting remastered - and I appreciate that the remastering here is optional - but we have to be prepared to see these games in the context of the era in which they were released. At the time, Gods was heralded as a classic. That's fine. Once upon a time, people also thought asbestos was a pretty neat idea.

But at £15, or whatever it is selling for on the Nintendo store, you're essentially saying it's still worth fifteen quid - and you're asking it to be considered alongside the likes of Unravel or Pikuniku.

Frankly, time has not been kind to Gods, and I don't know why anybody barring the most masochistic of nostalgists would even bother with it. 

SCORE: £15 out of £35
65 Comments
Kieren
4/4/2019 09:04:20 am

I detest the term Metroidvania, it's like Nintendo fans have to have their own special genre. They are just arcade adventures, nothing more.

A few years ago I interviewed the creator of the Lynx/Mega Drive/PC Engine game Todd's Adventures in Slime World and asked him what he thought about his game being called a Metroidvania. His reply was I don't even know what that is, Slime World is just an arcade adventure! I love him.

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Wapojif
4/4/2019 09:07:49 am

"Detest"? Always amazes me how strongly some gamers react about something so entirely innocuous. And the genre really has little to do with "Nintendo fans" these days, it's most active in the Steam community and the most popular ones are then disseminated across consoles. Yes, one of those might be a Nintendo one. Shock horror!

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Cleansectir
4/4/2019 10:05:20 am

Hyperbole is totally the best to prove you're better and more sensible than someone else.

Spiney O'Sullivan
4/4/2019 12:06:34 pm

I'm all for going after the cultlike behaviour of a lot of Nintendo fans, but Castlevania has been multiplatform for decades, and the "vania" in "Metroidvania" refers to the way the Castlevnia games have been since going multiplatform (since Symphony of the Night, I think).

Also, what exactly is an "arcade adventure"? I could tell you what a Metroidvania is (open-world-ish platformer where map progression is tied to ability progression), but "arcade adventure" is kind of broad, especially in a world where the term "arcade" is something of a relic.

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Hemroidmania
5/4/2019 11:49:23 am

Yeah, a Metroidvania may have a shitty name, but it's a distinct thing

Chris
6/4/2019 01:04:29 pm

An Arcade Adventure is obviously a Dizzylike. Or an Eggsventure, if you will. I propose we call Metroidvanias, whatever they are, Eggsventures from now on.

Meatballs-me-branch-me-do
5/4/2019 01:10:23 pm

Please announce when you do things like that so I can tell you to give him a big warm hug for making such a beautiful game. The sights and sounds of dripping tunnels and refreshing water are still clear as day in my aging head.

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Wapojif
4/4/2019 09:05:55 am

Yeah, I'm not getting this thing. As for the other stuff, Metroidvania doesn't bother me as I love the genre so much. Roguelike I dislike as I don't tend to enjoy those sorts of games.

But as a Millenanial, and someone who studied journalism at uni, my main issue with journalists is when they write a piece as fact... when it's clearly subjective. "The 10 Best Switch Games," "Breath of the Wild is Terrible" etc.

How'd you like them apples?

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Nick
4/4/2019 09:31:27 am

I guess the headline "The 10 Best Switch Games in my Opinion, Yours May Vary but Have A Look Anyway" wouldn't scan as well.

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Kieren
4/4/2019 09:36:08 am

Indeed! To criticise Top 10 lists is baffling, they are always subjective, just like reviews. If you go in the supermarket and see avocados, bananas and mangoes as this week's top 3 fruit, but you don't actually like them, you don't just buy them anyway thinking "oh these are the best fruit, I must own" do you?

Wapojif
4/4/2019 10:02:20 am

Really? I hadn't thought of that, dear! What I suggest is a slight adjustment to such a headline, or to have the good grace within the copy to acknowledge it's an opinion piece. And not sacrosanct.

Wapojif
4/4/2019 10:05:07 am

Baffling, is it? There are endless lists out there with journalists making their respective lists out as sacrosanct. It's a narcissism thing, mainly, but it's an intrinsic part of the industry. But it's why I've always liked Digitiser, Mr. Biffo is ego free.

James of the North
4/4/2019 10:11:57 am

N-No. Of course not. That would be... silly.

Nick
5/4/2019 08:26:45 am

Dear? Oh dear.

Jam link
4/4/2019 09:09:57 pm

I can't stand it when articles are titled like, "Blah-de-blah is your new favourite roguelike metroidvania". No, it's not my favourite, it's yours.

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Meatballs-me-branch-me-do
5/4/2019 01:11:11 pm

I am likewise a journalism graduate (though a “xennial”, Biffo please do not see that word) and am likewise infuriated by games journalists who take an arrogant, authoritative tone on subjects they are either factually wrong about or are just, like, their opinion, mang.

Some on Digi the Show have said how the whole thing felt like a community, and stuck up attitudes like that sabotage it because you worry you’re associating with dickheads. There’s much more that makes me Fat Sow-furious (like how they can’t write about or mention the Worms series without using the word “annelid” to show off) but I’ll leave it there. For now.

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Andrew Gillett
4/4/2019 09:12:04 am

The key thing about a Metroidvania is about how you unlock new abilities which allow you to access inaccessible parts of the map, which you will have passed by previously. For example, you might see a door on a high ledge which you can't reach, but later obtain a double jump which allows you to reach that ledge. There's also an element of non-linearity. Gods doesn't have any of that.

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lilock3
4/4/2019 09:46:38 am

Yeah, that's what "Metroidvania" means to me, the structure of the game - a single, open world where gaining new abilities allows access to previously out of reach areas/items - much like Metroid or the PSX era Castlevania games. The term seems to have been misunderstood and watered down though, and Biffo's right when he says that it's being flung around to describe just about anything these days.

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James of the North
4/4/2019 10:14:08 am

Bang on the money, Andrew.

Say, can I interest you in some mangoes?

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Stuart Gipp
4/4/2019 09:12:24 am

I'm tired of this "Metroidvania" and "Roguelike" nonsense as well. Give me a nice, normal Shlooter like Destiny any day.

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Chris O’Regan link
4/4/2019 09:31:24 am

I’m sure you know this already and maybe you expressed your ignorance of these terms for comedic effect, but I’m going to assume you don’t know what they mean and why they exist, so here’s a break down of them:

Metroidvania: Based on a hybrid between Castlevania and Metroid, this phrase is reserved for games that have a non linear map that has parts within it that are only accessible via a special ability. It’s a popular form of action adventure game and this phrase is a good shorthand for it.

Roguelike: These are action adventure games that have a persistent element added to them that provides awards to the player that enhance their abilities after their character dies in the game. This results in a self generated difficulty level for the player as they replay the game over and over they gain abilities that make the game less challenging.

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Dan Whitehead
4/4/2019 09:45:35 am

I would argue that any term which needs three lines of text to explain its meaning is not "good shorthand" for anything.

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Mr Biffo
4/4/2019 09:48:21 am

What Dan says.

Steve Perrin link
4/4/2019 10:37:28 am

That's the whole point of shorthand... to shorten something more lengthy.

Spiney O'Sullivan
4/4/2019 12:10:33 pm

Alright, as unlike me as it is to ever use fewer words when more would do, here's some shorthand for that explanation of the shorthand.

"Gated open-world platformer that ties map progression to ability progression".

Better?

Andrew Gillett
4/4/2019 10:10:09 am

What you're describing there is a Roguelite. Rogue doesn't have persistent upgrades. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G9FB5R4wVno

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Bruce Flagpole
4/4/2019 09:48:00 am

I don't have any issues with the term metroidvania (or roguelike), since it's just shorthand for a style of game that would otherwise be described as a mish-mash of other genres.
However it does feel to me like every other game (and it's dog) being released these days is calling itself a metroidvania-roguelike-with-some-dark-souls-and-whatever-else-is-cool type thing, and that winds me up a bit. I'm a simple person and would like some simple games that are just straightforward and fun without so much FAFF!

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David Heslop
4/4/2019 09:51:12 am

As someone who didn't have a console till the first Xbox, I spent years not knowing what Metroidvania meant. I mean, I figured "a bit like Metroid", but having never played a Metroid that meant nothing.

Then I played Guacamelee, which was described as a Metroidvania, and I went "oh, a bit like Flashback. Right, I get it"

I agree that "arcade adventure" or "platform adventure" would be better. I thought we'd stopped describing genres using individual games when we got rid of "Doom clone".

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lilock3
4/4/2019 10:09:26 am

We got rid of "Doom clone"? I worked out that style of game wasn't for me around 1997, and that's where my knowledge of them stopped progressing, so FPS's are still all "Doom style games" in my head.

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Spiney O’Sullivan
4/4/2019 11:28:40 am

Language changes to meet new needs and frames of reference.

The term “arcade adventure” strikes me as being completely incomprehensible to a couple of generations that have collectively barely set foot in an arcade. Not to mention that just about any game can be an “adventure” (platformers, RPGs, open-world map-moppers, survival horrors, FPSes...).

The only reason we think some of these terms are more accessible is because we used them a lot. Now there’s new terms for people with different frames of reference. “Metroidvania” isn’t perfect, but it is a far better term for “open-world platformer that ties map progression to ability progression” than “arcade adventure”, which could mean anything from “space invaders DDR RPG” to “light-gun survival horror racer” to “block-dropping puzzle scrolling beat-em-up platformer“ depending on what you consider “arcade” to mean. Plus, in a world where footage of Metroid and Castlevania is available on YouTube immediately (and where retro games are easily available via ports or more questionable means) it’s not that hard for the kids of today to grasp what the portmanteau means.

I have my issues with essentially making two games synonymous with a genre/sub-genre, but I can see the usefulness of the phrase.

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Taucher
4/4/2019 09:51:18 am

I had an Amiga in the early 90s and the whole Bitmap Brothers being rock star developers releasing cult classic incredible games passed me by somewhat. The only one of theirs that I played was Speedball 2 which was fairly good fun but also only memorable (to me) for the ice cream seller in the crowd.

I wont be buying this but I'm glad it's out there, doing its thing.

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Craig Grannell
4/4/2019 10:26:33 am

I have a lot of time for both Speedball games. I can’t think of anything else that BB did that really tickled my oxen though.

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Guru Larry link
4/4/2019 10:01:24 am

Do you like your Sandbox games and your schmups too? :D

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mrak
4/4/2019 10:24:39 am

OutRun 2006 is definitely my favourite "drift-boi".

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Steve Perrin link
4/4/2019 10:35:08 am

But Metriodvania has a very specific meaning and not just applied to a side scrolling action/platformer.

GODS is nothing like a Metriodvania game.

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Mr Biffo
4/4/2019 11:06:37 am

I don't care.

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RG
4/4/2019 11:23:41 am

I've never played or looked at a Metroid game or a Rogue game. I have no idea what these terms mean. I just see these words and think - probably not for me then...

Journalists could replace the words with &£LK@ and ?&QW87 and it would make as much sense.

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Spiney O'Sullivan
4/4/2019 02:10:55 pm

Here you go:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Metroidvania
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roguelike

We live in an age where basically all of humanity's knowledge is available within seconds. Actively choosing to ignore things because you don't immediately understand them shouldn't be an option anymore.

RG
5/4/2019 11:21:13 am

Am I aloud to ignore things that I don't really care about? I've got a lot of reading to do otherwise. I don't know anything about TOWIE for example. Or micro-biology.

RG
5/4/2019 11:28:53 am

*allowed*

damn it!

My point though is that good web content should be easily understood. If I have to leave the site or open up a new browser tab to look at Wikipedia, is the description working?

Spiney O’Sullivan
5/4/2019 03:00:07 pm

Clearly you cared enough about those terms to post about them, so it just seems like you should at least understand what the thing you’re complaining about is before you go saying how it isn’t a useful concept. Otherwise how do you know that it isn’t useful?

As for finding it annoying that an enthusiast press uses terms that are commonly used by enthusiasts, I really don’t know what to say beyond the old Abe Simpson quote of “I used to be with it, but then they changed what “it” was”. Unfortunately most of us here are part of an older gaming scene, and the world is moving on with or without us. There’s always been assumed knowledge of terms required to read gaming press stuff (even Digi) and as time goes on, new assumed knowledge arises that we simply have to try and keep up with or accept that we’re just choosing to fall behind the scene as we sadly age out of the core mainstream gaming culture demographic.

RG
14/4/2019 01:16:12 pm

OK - sorry - I'm wrong? Bye.

Funky Monkey, Chronicler of Turrican
4/4/2019 11:17:20 am

Oh, for a new Turrican game. We already have the Soundtrack.

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Almighty Casual
4/4/2019 11:26:47 am

Nothing freshens up old shoes like a nice new pair of laces.

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Steve
4/4/2019 11:48:51 am

Good on you still finding ways to annoy Amiga fanboys a quarter of a century on

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Mr Amiga
4/4/2019 12:44:51 pm

Because that's what he's doing?

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Mr Bass
4/4/2019 12:47:19 pm

So "Into...the (not so) wonderful" eh?
I always had Gods pegged as a nice-looking but shit-playing platformer, right from the day I brought it home from John Menzies, and loaded it up on my A600.

Can you see, I made TWO mistakes there?

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@purplephlebas
4/4/2019 12:51:19 pm

At least you didn't buy a Jaguar

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BobbleDog
4/4/2019 12:50:12 pm

Good Lord, those new graphics look just awful. Every element - platforms, background, sprites, "fireworks" - look like they're from a different game. Or at least, you know, made by a totally different underpaid freelance artist who had no communication with the others.

Is pixel art just considered "bad" by the younglings still? I thought we were still in a retro-renaissance and all?

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Jon B
4/4/2019 01:03:24 pm

The thing I hate most about the undeniably awful "Metroidvania" portmanteau is the redundant "vania" part at the end. The Metroid series had pretty much set the template before the Castlevania series decided to follow that template. It just so happened that Symphony of the Night did it rather well. However, by this logic every other game that does so should also be added to the already shit term, making it so unwieldy as to become unusable (This is why we should absolutely insist that this is done).

Its only redeeming feature is that it isn't the execrable "Shmup" term that necessitates that I bleach my keyboard just for having typed it.

Oh, and in regards to the actual subject of the article, I had to make do with the SNES version of Gods which was generally looked down upon in comparison to the home computer versions even at the time.

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RichardM
4/4/2019 02:01:00 pm

Funny nobody bothered to use the optimum interpretaion of “Roguelike” which is... “Like Rogue.” I find it a useful term because I hate Rogue and all Roguelikes and virtually any game that has procedurally generated anything because it all feels like a calculator made it and is therefore meritless. Here’s a Rogue level for you all to enjoy:

x.[[z█.z.zz[.z.xzxxz█z█xx██.x.[y.xzxxzx.█[[zyyzy



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Spiney O'Sullivan
4/4/2019 02:20:57 pm

I don't get Roguelikes either. I personally want an adventure game to feel like a hand-crafted experience that is the result of the conscious design efforts of a person or a team, not something an algorithm threw together. There's also something about the idea of dying and restarting a new level/game instead of getting better at the one you're initially given that bothers me.

BUT.

Clearly lots of other people disagree as Roguelikes are a huge subgenre now, but as you say, the term is useful precisely because it tells me that the game in question isn't for me.

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Paul
4/4/2019 02:21:37 pm

Never forget that games eventually turn up in CEX for £4.99

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Geebs
4/4/2019 03:35:14 pm

Never mind Gods, sodding James Pond 2 just got re-released on the Switch. Culture is now officially dead.

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Spiney O'Sullivan
4/4/2019 03:56:03 pm

Bafflingly, that game is on EVERYTHING. SNES, MegaDrive, Amiga, Master System, Commodore, MS DOS, Acorn, GBA, DS, Playstations 1, 2, 3 and Portable, and now the Switch.

Even looking back through the fog of nostalgia/childhood stupidity, I remember it wasn't even that much fun back then since its insane length, massive and labyrinthine level design and lack of save or password features meant that the only way to finish it was to cheat.

I'm not even sure who the target market is for all these ports, other than people who fondly remember "that game with the Penguin biscuits in it". And even they'll be disappointed since the McVities product placement deal ended several ports ago.

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Lee
5/4/2019 07:33:45 pm

Apparently the PS1/GBA versions had completely different level layouts - which carried over to all the later versions, including the new Switch release.

It's a bizarre move, and kinda shady - most people will think they're buying the game they remember from the '90s.

Spiney O’Sullivan
6/4/2019 02:07:25 am

In fairness, I don’t think there was a single memorable level layout in the original anyway.

Daph
4/4/2019 04:54:04 pm

This sounds like some one who has never got passed the first level haha 😂.....am I right? Or what

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Lord Arse! link
4/4/2019 05:45:39 pm

Metroidveinier. Like Metroid, just with more veins.

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Marro
4/4/2019 09:44:56 pm

Roid Veiner is Marky Mark's personal trainer.

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Mr Bass
4/4/2019 07:20:29 pm

MOLYNEUX!

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DaveDaveDave
4/4/2019 08:08:36 pm

I *am* a rabid Amiga fanboy, and I hated Gods at the time. Always was a case of style over substance, and as such it lives in the same pile as Shadow of the Beast.

Speedball 2 and Chaos Engine on the other hand are both stone cold classics.

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Marro
4/4/2019 09:34:05 pm

I'd even question Chaos Engine which was fun for a few hours with another player but soon got boring.
Speedball 2 is unimpeachable, though.
Still, my 13 year old self didn't give a toss about substance (good gameplay) he just wanted style (great graphics and music).
Actually, now I think on it my 13 year old self gave lots of tosses. Lots and lots of tossing.

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James Walker
4/4/2019 11:48:28 pm

Bitmap Brothers?

Bitmap Dickheads more like!

MegalolZ!!!!

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Meatballs-me-branch-me-do
5/4/2019 01:12:45 pm

“Metroidvania” is a turn off for me. I had Metroid II and it was decent enough, though I simply could not find one crucial item (I think it was the high jump boots) in spite of having Nintendo Power’s maps. So I got frustrated wandering endlessly around and gave up, quite a long ways in, too. Castlevania, when I played it back in the 8-bit days, seemed like the world’s stiffest, most sluggish game. A man seemingly wearing a lead apron and diving boots shuffled slowly along, trying to whip things.

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