So, I went to see that new Ghostbusters film. You know: the one that brought a ton of racist abuse down on one of its stars, in what might've been the most unusual movie marketing campaign since Jennifer Lawrence starved to death in a toilet to promote The Hunger Games.
It was alright. I mean, y'know, it's basically fine. I even laughed a couple of times. Everyone I went with enjoyed it too. Really, that's all you can ask for from a film.
It's not a patch on the original classic, of course - I had no real sense of who the characters actually were beyond a handful of personality quirks, and it didn't feel real or grounded in the way the first one did. Its faults, misogynists - you bunch of inexplicable weirdos - had nothing to do with the main characters being women.
It was alright. I mean, y'know, it's basically fine. I even laughed a couple of times. Everyone I went with enjoyed it too. Really, that's all you can ask for from a film.
It's not a patch on the original classic, of course - I had no real sense of who the characters actually were beyond a handful of personality quirks, and it didn't feel real or grounded in the way the first one did. Its faults, misogynists - you bunch of inexplicable weirdos - had nothing to do with the main characters being women.
HOLLYWOOD FEELS
You've got to feel for Hollywood studios, though. I mean, they're businesses, and exist to make people rich and powerful. However, there's no way they can do that if audiences don't like what they're peddling.
Unfortunately, with every idiot on earth being given voice by social media, they can't do anything right these days. I mean, look at the stick Joss Whedon got for giving Black Widow a romantic subplot in the last Avengers movie. That's one whole swathe of Marvel's audience upset in a heartbeat.
And then when studios go the other way and populate a remake with women who don't seem to have a romantic bone in their bodies, they get grief for that too. Make Sulu gay and you even upset George Takei. There's no winning.
I'm not saying that gender inequality shouldn't ever be addressed, but I just wish it could be addressed in a way that reflects how the world actually is, how people actually are, rather than merely being a projection of some ideal that doesn't exist.
If we can no longer write stories in which female action heroes fall in love, and display emotional weakness, then we're damning girls with the same gotta-be-strong-and-bottle-up-your-feelings role-models boys have suffered for generations. That's how we got in this mess in the first place.
Wouldn't it be better to turn it the other way, and show everyone as vulnerable sissies?
Anyway. Now look what you've made me do. This was only meant to be a review of some poxy Ghostbusters game.
You've got to feel for Hollywood studios, though. I mean, they're businesses, and exist to make people rich and powerful. However, there's no way they can do that if audiences don't like what they're peddling.
Unfortunately, with every idiot on earth being given voice by social media, they can't do anything right these days. I mean, look at the stick Joss Whedon got for giving Black Widow a romantic subplot in the last Avengers movie. That's one whole swathe of Marvel's audience upset in a heartbeat.
And then when studios go the other way and populate a remake with women who don't seem to have a romantic bone in their bodies, they get grief for that too. Make Sulu gay and you even upset George Takei. There's no winning.
I'm not saying that gender inequality shouldn't ever be addressed, but I just wish it could be addressed in a way that reflects how the world actually is, how people actually are, rather than merely being a projection of some ideal that doesn't exist.
If we can no longer write stories in which female action heroes fall in love, and display emotional weakness, then we're damning girls with the same gotta-be-strong-and-bottle-up-your-feelings role-models boys have suffered for generations. That's how we got in this mess in the first place.
Wouldn't it be better to turn it the other way, and show everyone as vulnerable sissies?
Anyway. Now look what you've made me do. This was only meant to be a review of some poxy Ghostbusters game.
PEDIGREE CHUMS
Ghostbusters has a bit of a pedigree when it comes to games.
Admittedly, that pedigree is based entirely upon the first ever Ghostbusters game, released back in 1984. Since then, every Ghostbusters game has had to live up to that benchmark.
32 years on, here we have the subtitle-lacking 'Ghostbusters', a game which positions itself as a sort of cartoon sequel to the movie, starring a whole new playing-it-safe, mixed-gender, team of 'Busters.
There's a map; levels are set in haunted houses, cruise ships, graveyards, and that, while it plays as a top-down, twin-stick shooter (though only really comes into its own with four characters playing simultaneously, presumably).
Ghosts pour out of the walls, or g-holes... some of them floating around in formation, like they've hovered right out of Galaga. Others will just home in on you, as you fire at them with your assortment of proton weaponry (including the classic proton packs, as well as incongruous shotguns and a variety of grenades - which differ depending on which character you play). You're also equipped with a PK meter, that scans the area for hidden runes and silk Henries (other treats).
Overall, it's the sort of thing that would be entirely acceptable 20 years ago, but which feels horribly dated now. Probably because of the ghosts, and the cartoony visuals, and the top-down viewpoint, it reminded me a bit of Zombies Ate My Neighbours. Also, my own mortality.
Unfortunately, it isn't helped by some weird design decisions - such as the slow movement of your characters (this can be upgraded, but it takes forever to reach a point where it becomes playable), or the way your guns overheat and have to be cooled down by pressing one of the shoulder buttons (again - you can upgrade this, but it's an unnecessary faff which gets in the way of your enjoyment).
Making all these problems worse is the length of the levels - they're massive. Normally, that wouldn't be an issue, but with the other elements, it makes the game a tedious grind. How tedious? Tedious enough to make this impossible to recommend. It's like attending a party with a dead wolf strapped to your ankle.
SUMMARY: Be afraid of these ghosts. They're rubbish.
SCORE: 0.1mph out of 30mph
Ghostbusters has a bit of a pedigree when it comes to games.
Admittedly, that pedigree is based entirely upon the first ever Ghostbusters game, released back in 1984. Since then, every Ghostbusters game has had to live up to that benchmark.
32 years on, here we have the subtitle-lacking 'Ghostbusters', a game which positions itself as a sort of cartoon sequel to the movie, starring a whole new playing-it-safe, mixed-gender, team of 'Busters.
There's a map; levels are set in haunted houses, cruise ships, graveyards, and that, while it plays as a top-down, twin-stick shooter (though only really comes into its own with four characters playing simultaneously, presumably).
Ghosts pour out of the walls, or g-holes... some of them floating around in formation, like they've hovered right out of Galaga. Others will just home in on you, as you fire at them with your assortment of proton weaponry (including the classic proton packs, as well as incongruous shotguns and a variety of grenades - which differ depending on which character you play). You're also equipped with a PK meter, that scans the area for hidden runes and silk Henries (other treats).
Overall, it's the sort of thing that would be entirely acceptable 20 years ago, but which feels horribly dated now. Probably because of the ghosts, and the cartoony visuals, and the top-down viewpoint, it reminded me a bit of Zombies Ate My Neighbours. Also, my own mortality.
Unfortunately, it isn't helped by some weird design decisions - such as the slow movement of your characters (this can be upgraded, but it takes forever to reach a point where it becomes playable), or the way your guns overheat and have to be cooled down by pressing one of the shoulder buttons (again - you can upgrade this, but it's an unnecessary faff which gets in the way of your enjoyment).
Making all these problems worse is the length of the levels - they're massive. Normally, that wouldn't be an issue, but with the other elements, it makes the game a tedious grind. How tedious? Tedious enough to make this impossible to recommend. It's like attending a party with a dead wolf strapped to your ankle.
SUMMARY: Be afraid of these ghosts. They're rubbish.
SCORE: 0.1mph out of 30mph
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