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REVIEW: GHOSTBUSTERS (PS4, Xbox One, PC - Ps4 version tested)

25/7/2016

10 Comments

 
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So, I went to see that new Ghostbusters film. You know: the one that brought a ton of racist abuse down on one of its stars, in what might've been the most unusual movie marketing campaign since Jennifer Lawrence starved to death in a toilet to promote The Hunger Games. 

It was alright. I mean, y'know, it's basically fine. I even laughed a couple of times. Everyone I went with enjoyed it too. Really, that's all you can ask for from a film.

It's not a patch on the original classic, of course - I had no real sense of who the characters actually were beyond a handful of personality quirks, and it didn't feel real or grounded in the way the first one did. Its faults, misogynists - you bunch of inexplicable weirdos - had nothing to do with the main characters being women. 
HOLLYWOOD FEELS
You've got to feel for Hollywood studios, though. I mean, they're businesses, and exist to make people rich and powerful. However, there's no way they can do that if audiences don't like what they're peddling.

Unfortunately, with every idiot on earth being given voice by social media, they can't do anything right these days. I mean, look at the stick Joss Whedon got for giving Black Widow a romantic subplot in the last Avengers movie. That's one whole swathe of Marvel's audience upset in a heartbeat.

And then when studios go the other way and populate a remake with women who don't seem to have a romantic bone in their bodies, they get grief for that too. Make Sulu gay and you even upset George Takei. There's no winning.

I'm not saying that gender inequality shouldn't ever be addressed, but I just wish it could be addressed in a way that reflects how the world actually is, how people actually are, rather than merely being a projection of some ideal that doesn't exist.

If we can no longer write stories in which female action heroes fall in love, and display emotional weakness, then we're damning girls with the same gotta-be-strong-and-bottle-up-your-feelings role-models boys have suffered for generations. That's how we got in this mess in the first place.

Wouldn't it be better to turn it the other way, and show everyone as vulnerable sissies?

Anyway. Now look what you've made me do. This was only meant to be a review of some poxy Ghostbusters game.
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PEDIGREE CHUMS
Ghostbusters has a bit of a pedigree when it comes to games.

Admittedly, that pedigree is based entirely upon the first ever Ghostbusters game, released back in 1984. Since then, every Ghostbusters game has  had to live up to that benchmark.

32 years on, here we have the subtitle-lacking 'Ghostbusters', a game which positions itself as a sort of cartoon sequel to the movie, starring a whole new playing-it-safe, mixed-gender, team of 'Busters.

There's a map; levels are set in haunted houses, cruise ships, graveyards, and that, while it plays as a top-down, twin-stick shooter (though only really comes into its own with four characters playing simultaneously, presumably). ​

Ghosts pour out of the walls, or g-holes... some of them floating around in formation, like they've hovered right out of Galaga. Others will just home in on you, as you fire at them with your assortment of proton weaponry (including the classic proton packs, as well as incongruous shotguns and a variety of grenades - which differ depending on which character you play). You're also equipped with a PK meter, that scans the area for hidden runes and silk Henries (other treats). 

Overall, it's the sort of thing that would be entirely acceptable 20 years ago, but which feels horribly dated now. Probably because of the ghosts, and the cartoony visuals, and the top-down viewpoint, it reminded me a bit of Zombies Ate My Neighbours. Also, my own mortality.

Unfortunately, it isn't helped by some weird design decisions - such as the slow movement of your characters (this can be upgraded, but it takes forever to reach a point where it becomes playable), or the way your guns overheat and have to be cooled down by pressing one of the shoulder buttons (again - you can upgrade this, but it's an unnecessary faff which gets in the way of your enjoyment). 

Making all these problems worse is the length of the levels - they're massive. Normally, that wouldn't be an issue, but with the other elements, it makes the game a tedious grind. How tedious? Tedious enough to make this impossible to recommend. It's like attending a party with a dead wolf strapped to your ankle.

SUMMARY: Be afraid of these ghosts. They're rubbish.
SCORE: 0.1mph out of 30mph

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FROM THE ARCHIVE:
EVERY GHOSTBUSTERS GAME EVER
COULD YOU BE A GHOSTBUSTER? FIND OUT WITH THIS GALLERY OF GHOSTBUSTERS COSPLAY!
 
WHAT NINTENDO, VIRTUAL REALITY, POKEMON GO, GAMERGATE, TRUMP & MILO YIANNOPOULOS HAVE IN COMMON - BY MR BIFFO
10 Comments
Spiney O'Sullivan
25/7/2016 12:54:58 pm

Well, this is disappointing. I know the old model of movie tie-in games has gone the way of VHS, but I was really hoping for something more resembling the 2009 game visually and in gameplay terms (albeit with a clearer way of understanding your health situation than "sometimes you get up, sometimes not"). This looks utterly lacklustre by comparison.

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Barrybarrybarrybarry
25/7/2016 04:04:15 pm

Um, 'misogynist', lovely.

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Mr Biffo
25/7/2016 07:32:53 pm

Aiieeee!

Reply
PeskyFletch
25/7/2016 05:01:53 pm

I lurved Zombies ate my neighbours

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castlevania
27/7/2016 01:27:18 am

More shocking than level 5, Level 6: Pyramid of Fear

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David W
25/7/2016 06:14:57 pm

Have you watched The Real Ghostbusters cartoon?

The writing is entertaining, with some very dry humour, but has depth. It draws on mythology from all over the world, adding some wonderfully weird twists, while keeping the nuanced characters grounded.

Things fall apart from the third season, when greedy idiots gutted the show in the belief that youngsters would rather be patronised than inspired. Janine suffered most, losing her style, accent, and spunk. Hearteningly, the mistakes were admitted before it was too late to bring back some wit and intelligence.

Incidentally, is the Sedgewick Hotel reversible?

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Spiney O'Sullivan
25/7/2016 08:25:05 pm

I maintain that the sequel series Extreme Ghostbusters deserved more love than it got. The stupid name was the only thing wrong with it.

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Kendall9000
25/7/2016 11:50:23 pm

I quite enjoyed the new Ghostbusters myself. Perhaps it helped that the obnoxious troll based marketing and shitty trailer lowered my expectations enough to make anything watchable a pleasant surprise.

I half expected to hate it so much I'd fly into an endless misogynistic rage, transferring my loathing of the gender swapped reboot onto each and every member of the opposite sex, forever swearing off women and having to live the rest of my life alone in some remote cave, hiding away where I'd never have to catch sight of another female ever again. That, or maybe feel the need to give it 1/10 on IMDB (I've forgotten my login details so I'd have to re-register - it'd be a real pain).

Instead I thought it was quite good fun, with more genuinely funny moments than I expected from the clips I'd seen. Worth seeing in my opinion, even if Paul Feig's antics and all the bullshit surrounding it have put you off. Or you could go see the new Star Trek - (spoiler) stuff explodes and everything BOOM BOOM WHOOSH BOOM!

chal-na-nee
25/7/2016 10:05:36 pm

That stuff you wrote at the beginning was really beautiful. Since the rebirth of Digi, you've found a new voice - poetic, honest, and completely disarmed. I love that you have the courage and confidence to write so openly and genuinely. You're cutting through a lot of bull**** and writing stuff that matters. Thank you.

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Mr Biffo
26/7/2016 08:06:27 am

Thank you! I do my best...

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