To recap: it wasn't in, y'know... a sort of fit of spite. It had gotten into the cavity wall in the extension, because an idiot builder repositioned an outside tap without me asking, and then forgot to bung up the hole.
The rat was getting from there into the kitchen, before retreating into the walls. You could hear it at night, doing the rat things. The rustling and the scratching.
Putting down a trap was the only option... and... by Wozniak... when I retrieved it the next morning, I swear the thing was the size of a toddler. It was the largest thing I'd ever killed, and I felt terrible about it (though not as terrible as a friend of mine after he drowned a squirrel in a bucket, because it had been chewing through his electrics).
Anyhow, the short of it is... I felt so bad, that I have barely killed any animals since. Apart from a dog. And a couple of gnus. And 5.5 worms. But they were for food, sort of. I'm not a vegetarian, but my other half and one of my daughters are both one of these vegans they have nowadays, and I do sometimes eat Quorn, when I'm forced to, and I'd never go up to a horse and just hit it in the face with a shoe anymore. So... y'know... I'm practically the new Linda McCartney.
Therefore, you might want to know how I coped with the wanton animal slaughter in Far Cry Primal.
When you're not killing other cavemen, there's a lot of killing animals in Far Cry Primal - a new version of Far Cry that drags you back to prehistoric times, stripping you of the guns and vehicles that fans of the series will have become accustomed to.
Without access to gun shops or garages, animals become just another resource: their skin, their fat, their meat... there's really no way to get through the game without jabbing a spear into a badger's back, or setting fire to a bison. There's always been a bit of this in Far Cry, but here it goes further than ever. Hammering a tortoise to death is one of the most horrible things I've ever done in a game.
Fortunately, Primal's biggest addition to the Far Cry franchise goes some way to counter this: it's possible to tame animals, Crocodile Dundee-style.
These include an owl - which can be used to scout areas, tag enemies, and attack them with its claws and bomb-type things. As you unlock more skills and abilities - chiefly through spending skill points, recruiting new members into your village and upgrading their huts - you'll grant access to bigger animals. In a nod to Far Cry 4, you'll ultimately be riding mammoths and tigers into enemy camps.
Beyond all that, and the execrable cut-scenes - everything is rendered in absurd caveman-speak with subtitles - there's not actually much here which sets it apart from the last couple of Far Cry games. Structurally it's exactly the same game - you even get a grappling hook at one point, and embark on trippy hallucinogenic missions. You'll be attacking enemy villages, and saving hostages from flesh-eaters.
If you've read my review-in-progress, you'll know that my initial experience with Far Cry Primal was disappointing. I'd gone into it wanting something different to what it was giving me.
I wanted a game brimming with prehistoric atmosphere, a game of survival.
Instead, what it was giving me was something that felt not only familiar, but almost cartoon-y... with a terrible storyline which made it difficult to care about anything I was doing. I wasn't taking into account the most important, obvious, thing about Far Cry Primal: it's a Far Cry game.
Once I dropped my resistance to that, and began embracing what is, frankly, a ludicrous load of old cave-nonsense, I started to enjoy it. In fact, I really enjoyed it.
It has its issues - the story and characterisation are, as I've said, profoundly terrible. The combat should've been addressed, given its dependency on hand-to-hand brawling. But certain things I had been concerned about - running around on foot - have been tackled by not having your character ever run out of puff. It's not the chore I'd expected, and nobody could accuse it of ever being boring.
It might not have the atmosphere I wanted - I am getting a little bored of video game forests now, but there is real beauty here at times - and it might be a little too over-populated as a world, but beyond that it's a hoot. I laughed like a toilet when I set fire to a bear, and it ran around in circles setting fire to everything it touched. And before you accuse me of animal cruelty: I was on a mission. I had no choice.
SUMMARY: Go in expecting a Far Cry game with cavemen, and it delivers.
SCORE: 10,000 BC out of 9,000 BC