It's all changed now. The great, unwashed masses finally have access to VR, thanks to Sony and their almost-affordable PlayStation option. Making matters worse, with EVE: Valkyrie, we're not even content to stay in our slums and shanty towns; this is the first cross-platform multiplayer VR game, where PlayStation owners and Oculus Rift owners can rub their bellies against one another in the same virtual space.
That's right: it's like some immigration nightmare for the PC Master Race. We're no longer staying confined to our communities. Instead, they can now find us wandering around their villages, trying to eat the thatch on their cottage roofs, and using their Post Offices to transfer money back to our poor, PlayStation-owning families, and opening Consoleski Skleps that sell weird sausages.
Of course, it would've been lovely if there was some way in EVE: Valkyrie to organise players into teams of PC or PS players, and pit them against one another. We could finally decide things one way or another, like some sort of historic peasant revolt.
Alas, there's no way to tell whether you're shooting at one of your own. The important message here? Once we're strapped into billions of dollars worth of death-spewing space technology, there's no way to tell one person from another...
So, EVE: Valkyrie puts you the cockpit of a spaceship, fires you out of a launch tube, and deposits you into an outer space battle.
Nicely, the launch tube bit was the only time I felt sick while playing; the movement of your ship is that much more deliberate than it might've been in a non-VR game, presumably to compensate for any potential nausea.
It totally works, however - and actually makes the game more enjoyable to play for someone like myself, who has always found any space dogfighting game a frustrating and confusing experience.
The VR is put to spectacular use, allowing you to look around your cockpit, or - should you wish - stare at your virtual groin. Nicely, you use your head to lock missiles onto enemies, which means you can fly in one direction and shoot in another.
It all feels right, a shamelessly arcade-y, desperate-to-please, control system, which puts the experience above the simulation; something which, I'm fast discovering, is when VR works best.
That isn't to say there aren't vague attempts to offer some depth. You earn credits as you play, which can be spent on ship or cybernetic upgrades - the usual sort of thing. Or, if you're short on patience, you can use real money. Yes, that's right: EVE offers microtransactions, which feels like a massive cuss to the player, not least because this is already a full price game.
There are moments where EVE: Valykrie is spectacular.
There are also more moments when you wonder if you've seen everything it has to offer. It's frustratingly light on content.
The single-player mode - such as it is - amounts to little more than a souped-up, blink-and-you'll-miss-it, training mode.
There's nothing wrong with a multiplayer-only title - lord alone knows we've enough of them - but even that feels slight here, a bare bones, handful of maps.
Single-player eases you into the three ship classes you'll be using in multiplayer - the highlight of which is a mode called Carrier Assault, which will have you going full Luke Skywalker, essentially attacking a Star Destroyer, before going on a trench run to hit a weak spot. It's shamelessly enjoyable, and - as much as anything else - demonstrates just how good Star Wars is going to be in VR.
But the issue here has nothing to do with what is on offer: just that there isn't more of it, coupled to the double cuss that they try to tempt you with microtransactions.
It reminds me of original PlayStation launch title Ridge Racer. As I recall, at the time Digitiser offered the sole review which called into question the utter lack of content offered by the game. We even got complaints from people who were furious we'd apparently not considered the quality of the graphics and the gameplay. Yes, Ridge Racer was great - it also wasn't worth full price. Accept that, plz. EVE: Valkyrie isn't quite Ridge Racer bad in that respect, but for £60 it isn't far off.
SCORE: I dunno. Choose your own, yeah?