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REVIEW: Elite Dangerous (PC)

28/1/2015

20 Comments

 
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Here's a thing no gamer of a certain vintage is expected to admit: we really never got along with the original Elite. 

We're sure there was nothing wrong with it, but it always left us cold - like we'd iced our gems with a limited edition blackcurrant Fab.

As if that wasn't irritating enough, the way our more spoddy friends talked about it you'd think the game reached out of their screens and gave them regular sensual groin-rubs.

Unfortunately, we were forced to feign indifference because, frankly, we were rubbish at it. It really wasn't the fault of the game, but our own inherent impatience; we wanted to play the clever 3D space game, but - really - we only wanted to do shooting and stuff. All that trading so that we could afford better guns and ships, and evade the police? It just felt like a load of effort for such incremental reward; we wanted Star Wars: The Arcade Game, and we got The Phantom Menace. Mmm! Taxes! 

And yet - incredibly, despite our indifference and frustration - Elite is considered a landmark game. 

So, you can imagine our delight when our requirement to play Elite: Dangerous necessitated a level of faff that you honestly don't need to hear about. But just know this: it didn't start well...
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IN SPACE NO-ONE CAN HEAR YOU YAWN
So, this isn't going to be a popular opinion among a certain crowd, but we're sorry to say that we didn't get along much better with Elite: Dangerous than we did its progenitor, all those years ago. 

Once again, it's a game of space combat and trading, though sometimes it feels like there's a bit too much emphasis on all that resource management. At least, for our tastes. Surely we cannot be alone in this? Can we...?

This is a game for proper gamers - the sort who are prepared to put in the hours. It's begins with the slowest of burns - smelly, vulnerable, ship, barely any credits, and just like building an online funny badge business from scratch, you can't expect any exotic holidays for at least a couple of years. But - by Zant! - does it drag. It's a slow, painful, grind of trying to make enough money to buy a slightly better craft with slightly better guns, punctuated by the occasional bit that makes you go "Oooh!" or "Oh, I see now...".

There's no handholding in Elite: Dangerous - this is not a game which talks down to the player. You're expected to find your own way to success. And it seemingly takes forever, as you work out how exactly to pilot your ship and get around - mostly through trial and error. This is not an experience for those looking for an instinctive space shooter. Even docking with space stations can become a chore, and lead you to wonder whether they couldn't have just made it a tiny bit more user-friendly?

There are moments of delight in those early hours - jumping through hyperspace, your first kill, the sheer realism of the universe beyond your cockpit. But between those moments Elite Dangerous comes perilously close to being, well... pretty enough... but boring. So very, very boring. Sort of like inputting an Excel spreadsheet while your neighbours are having a fireworks party.

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ADMIRABLE NELSON
And yet... there's something admirable about Elite: Dangerous's stubborn approach. It doesn't want to be anything other than it is. 

And, increment by aching increment, as you get to grips with space travel and the quirks of the game's mechanics, it becomes increasingly playable. 

It just takes an age to get there.

As a crowdfunded project - via Kickstarter - Dangerous gives its backers exactly what they wanted: a hardcore space simulator, a new, tastier, more modern take on the original Elite - inside an enormous online universe. It's funny that so epic a game should be so niche, but not everything can be Angry Birds.

It's a game that absolutely refuses to patronise: it's almost limitless, and - once they're through that initial barrier of tedium - players are given a freedom of choice in how they play. Want to be a bounty hunter? Go ahead. Or would you rather be the intergalactic equivalent of Del Boy Trotter? It's up to you. It's an experience that treats its players like grown-ups.

We're smart enough to know that, perhaps, in this instance, we're not the target audience. It's going to be a difficult one for us to score... but if you're a fan of Elite, one of its Kickstarter backers, or someone who can dredge enjoyment from the most anal of slogs... add another 15 - 20.4343% to the score below.


SUMMARY: We honestly appreciate what it does, but the sheer grind almost killed it for us. Sorry - we can only mark this on how much WE enjoyed it. You know what they say: opinions are like teapots... and... ours are the best. PSYCHE!!!
OVERALL: 68.2214%

20 Comments
MrPSB
28/1/2015 06:56:13 am

I am thoroughly addicted to Elite Dangerous, but then, I am a very tedious human being.

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The Great Jim Dove
2/4/2015 03:16:51 am

And a rapey looking mass murderer.

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GigerPunk link
28/1/2015 07:06:18 am

I'm with you on the original. My experience with it was invariably:
Load game.
Leave space station.
Turn ship around and marvel at vector graphics.
Shoot space station to see what happens.
Get promptly murderised by space-rozzers.
Load something else instead.
I'm aware this is my own fault and not that of the game, but it's just the way it is...

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MerseyMal link
28/1/2015 07:16:35 am

I sort of agree but on the other hand I still want to play it nonetheless. Even gone so far as shelling out for a flight stick and plus a headtracking gizmo that I've taped to my headset which allows me to look around the cockpit of my ship.

I'm hopeless.

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Favus link
28/1/2015 08:37:18 am

I loved it, I kickstarted it, and i think its beautiful, and although i have 3 screens and a joystick to play it with, I never load it up (it is a real faff setting all the stuff up) I am playing Divinity: Original Sin instead - Elite Dangerous is EXACTLY as great as I hoped, and I love reading about it - and seeing videos and stuff - But i can't be bothered to play it

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Mr Biffo
28/1/2015 10:00:49 am

It sort of pained me to have to run this review, as I know how beloved the game is by some, and can ABSOLUTELY see its worth. It's weird though, isn't it? I mean, what are reviews? At the end of the day they can only really be personal opinion, but back in the Digi days I tried to step outside that, and review games objectively, in a broader context. I kind of don't want to do that anymore, I guess. All I can really do is say what I do and don't like. Which is going to be fun when it comes to reviewing the next FIFA game...

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HappyFLAPPS
28/1/2015 09:16:54 pm

I get where you are coming from too, never got on with the original, but decided to back this via Kickstarter as I thought it should be the sort of game that deserves to be made for the good of games as a whole. But now I've got it I feel the same about it as I did the original especially after crashing about 50 times when trying the docking tutorial

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Mentski link
28/1/2015 11:19:25 am

Let me laugh at your failure in my 150 million credit Anaconda.

Ahem. Let's be serious for a second, though : Review scores, eh? Why aren't we over those yet?

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Mr Biffo
28/1/2015 12:16:10 pm

Good question, Mentuss.. I might write something about that. Since being back, I'm finding them ever more pointless.

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Gaijintendo
29/1/2015 02:45:08 am

Total! pretty much used facial expressions, if you ignored those numbers.

Commander Heironymus Drake
28/1/2015 12:04:25 pm

I love the game, although nobody wants to buy these David Bowie Lps. I might end up throwing them in the bin, but I imagine some mohawked guy will coming out jangling his gold chains and waving his fist at me.

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Mr Biffo
28/1/2015 12:16:46 pm

I wish I loved it more. I always wanted to love Elite... :-( I feel like there's something broken in me.

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Super Bad Advice
28/1/2015 12:26:20 pm

I was much the same with the original and - though the visuals and sheer scope are astounding - I know without even playing 10 seconds of it I'd be the same with E:D. It's the space version of those niche train sims that are popular in Japan - utterly flawless for what they set out to be, but at the same time EXACTLY what they set out to be.

That said, I'd love an update to Warhead. That was Elite with 90% less chug.

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thekelvingreen link
29/1/2015 12:27:33 am

I'm not that fond of the original game either, although I did enjoy the sequel. Even then there would come a point where there was nothing new and interesting to do -- aside from discover a game-breaking bug -- and I'd go away and play something else instead.

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Chorltonwheelie
29/1/2015 09:04:32 am

I love it.
It may be because I'm old.
It may be because you are wrong and a dirty boy.

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Sartrus
29/1/2015 09:34:14 pm

What's with the plural pronouns on every article? Are the writers not allowed to have individual voices or experiences?

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Mr Biffo
30/1/2015 01:03:56 am

Confusing "we" know, Sartrus, but chalk it up to "house style".

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Soft Whisps
17/3/2015 06:59:59 am

I much prefer "we" than "I, I, I - me, me, me" - too many writers are in it to just boost their own egos or talk about themselves. This is not Gonzo journalism - it's a community. Isn't it?

Superbeast 37
30/1/2015 01:23:48 am

I was crazy into Frontier back in the day.

Yet I bought ED, started playing in the beta and was totally underwhelmed. I haven't actually played it since it was formally released.

I was disappointed by them forcing it online as I play a lot of MMO's so am conscious of how other players break immersion and generally spoil the experience.

Worse I think MMO's have burned me out when it comes to repetition and grinding plus the inability to land on planets made it feel like a backward step.

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Soft Whisps
17/3/2015 06:53:06 am

I paid £75 for this game and the unlimited add-ons, installed it on the day of release, and haven't fucking touched it since. I've not played a single minute of it... Why? 1. I haven't got a flightstick, 2. Too busy playing games on Steam that I bought in the winter sale. 3. I am an idiot.

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