Here's a thing no gamer of a certain vintage is expected to admit: we really never got along with the original Elite.
We're sure there was nothing wrong with it, but it always left us cold - like we'd iced our gems with a limited edition blackcurrant Fab.
As if that wasn't irritating enough, the way our more spoddy friends talked about it you'd think the game reached out of their screens and gave them regular sensual groin-rubs.
We're sure there was nothing wrong with it, but it always left us cold - like we'd iced our gems with a limited edition blackcurrant Fab.
As if that wasn't irritating enough, the way our more spoddy friends talked about it you'd think the game reached out of their screens and gave them regular sensual groin-rubs.
Unfortunately, we were forced to feign indifference because, frankly, we were rubbish at it. It really wasn't the fault of the game, but our own inherent impatience; we wanted to play the clever 3D space game, but - really - we only wanted to do shooting and stuff. All that trading so that we could afford better guns and ships, and evade the police? It just felt like a load of effort for such incremental reward; we wanted Star Wars: The Arcade Game, and we got The Phantom Menace. Mmm! Taxes!
And yet - incredibly, despite our indifference and frustration - Elite is considered a landmark game.
So, you can imagine our delight when our requirement to play Elite: Dangerous necessitated a level of faff that you honestly don't need to hear about. But just know this: it didn't start well...
And yet - incredibly, despite our indifference and frustration - Elite is considered a landmark game.
So, you can imagine our delight when our requirement to play Elite: Dangerous necessitated a level of faff that you honestly don't need to hear about. But just know this: it didn't start well...
IN SPACE NO-ONE CAN HEAR YOU YAWN
So, this isn't going to be a popular opinion among a certain crowd, but we're sorry to say that we didn't get along much better with Elite: Dangerous than we did its progenitor, all those years ago.
Once again, it's a game of space combat and trading, though sometimes it feels like there's a bit too much emphasis on all that resource management. At least, for our tastes. Surely we cannot be alone in this? Can we...?
This is a game for proper gamers - the sort who are prepared to put in the hours. It's begins with the slowest of burns - smelly, vulnerable, ship, barely any credits, and just like building an online funny badge business from scratch, you can't expect any exotic holidays for at least a couple of years. But - by Zant! - does it drag. It's a slow, painful, grind of trying to make enough money to buy a slightly better craft with slightly better guns, punctuated by the occasional bit that makes you go "Oooh!" or "Oh, I see now...".
There's no handholding in Elite: Dangerous - this is not a game which talks down to the player. You're expected to find your own way to success. And it seemingly takes forever, as you work out how exactly to pilot your ship and get around - mostly through trial and error. This is not an experience for those looking for an instinctive space shooter. Even docking with space stations can become a chore, and lead you to wonder whether they couldn't have just made it a tiny bit more user-friendly?
There are moments of delight in those early hours - jumping through hyperspace, your first kill, the sheer realism of the universe beyond your cockpit. But between those moments Elite Dangerous comes perilously close to being, well... pretty enough... but boring. So very, very boring. Sort of like inputting an Excel spreadsheet while your neighbours are having a fireworks party.
So, this isn't going to be a popular opinion among a certain crowd, but we're sorry to say that we didn't get along much better with Elite: Dangerous than we did its progenitor, all those years ago.
Once again, it's a game of space combat and trading, though sometimes it feels like there's a bit too much emphasis on all that resource management. At least, for our tastes. Surely we cannot be alone in this? Can we...?
This is a game for proper gamers - the sort who are prepared to put in the hours. It's begins with the slowest of burns - smelly, vulnerable, ship, barely any credits, and just like building an online funny badge business from scratch, you can't expect any exotic holidays for at least a couple of years. But - by Zant! - does it drag. It's a slow, painful, grind of trying to make enough money to buy a slightly better craft with slightly better guns, punctuated by the occasional bit that makes you go "Oooh!" or "Oh, I see now...".
There's no handholding in Elite: Dangerous - this is not a game which talks down to the player. You're expected to find your own way to success. And it seemingly takes forever, as you work out how exactly to pilot your ship and get around - mostly through trial and error. This is not an experience for those looking for an instinctive space shooter. Even docking with space stations can become a chore, and lead you to wonder whether they couldn't have just made it a tiny bit more user-friendly?
There are moments of delight in those early hours - jumping through hyperspace, your first kill, the sheer realism of the universe beyond your cockpit. But between those moments Elite Dangerous comes perilously close to being, well... pretty enough... but boring. So very, very boring. Sort of like inputting an Excel spreadsheet while your neighbours are having a fireworks party.
ADMIRABLE NELSON
And yet... there's something admirable about Elite: Dangerous's stubborn approach. It doesn't want to be anything other than it is.
And, increment by aching increment, as you get to grips with space travel and the quirks of the game's mechanics, it becomes increasingly playable.
It just takes an age to get there.
As a crowdfunded project - via Kickstarter - Dangerous gives its backers exactly what they wanted: a hardcore space simulator, a new, tastier, more modern take on the original Elite - inside an enormous online universe. It's funny that so epic a game should be so niche, but not everything can be Angry Birds.
It's a game that absolutely refuses to patronise: it's almost limitless, and - once they're through that initial barrier of tedium - players are given a freedom of choice in how they play. Want to be a bounty hunter? Go ahead. Or would you rather be the intergalactic equivalent of Del Boy Trotter? It's up to you. It's an experience that treats its players like grown-ups.
We're smart enough to know that, perhaps, in this instance, we're not the target audience. It's going to be a difficult one for us to score... but if you're a fan of Elite, one of its Kickstarter backers, or someone who can dredge enjoyment from the most anal of slogs... add another 15 - 20.4343% to the score below.
SUMMARY: We honestly appreciate what it does, but the sheer grind almost killed it for us. Sorry - we can only mark this on how much WE enjoyed it. You know what they say: opinions are like teapots... and... ours are the best. PSYCHE!!!
OVERALL: 68.2214%
And yet... there's something admirable about Elite: Dangerous's stubborn approach. It doesn't want to be anything other than it is.
And, increment by aching increment, as you get to grips with space travel and the quirks of the game's mechanics, it becomes increasingly playable.
It just takes an age to get there.
As a crowdfunded project - via Kickstarter - Dangerous gives its backers exactly what they wanted: a hardcore space simulator, a new, tastier, more modern take on the original Elite - inside an enormous online universe. It's funny that so epic a game should be so niche, but not everything can be Angry Birds.
It's a game that absolutely refuses to patronise: it's almost limitless, and - once they're through that initial barrier of tedium - players are given a freedom of choice in how they play. Want to be a bounty hunter? Go ahead. Or would you rather be the intergalactic equivalent of Del Boy Trotter? It's up to you. It's an experience that treats its players like grown-ups.
We're smart enough to know that, perhaps, in this instance, we're not the target audience. It's going to be a difficult one for us to score... but if you're a fan of Elite, one of its Kickstarter backers, or someone who can dredge enjoyment from the most anal of slogs... add another 15 - 20.4343% to the score below.
SUMMARY: We honestly appreciate what it does, but the sheer grind almost killed it for us. Sorry - we can only mark this on how much WE enjoyed it. You know what they say: opinions are like teapots... and... ours are the best. PSYCHE!!!
OVERALL: 68.2214%
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