I wouldn't say I've been putting off playing Destiny 2, but I've been daunted by it. I've not been shy in stating that I didn't exactly get along with its predecessor. I played it a lot - admittedly, before all the DLC started dropping, and the game reportedly got good - and I just couldn't get into it no matter how hard I tried.
I mean, I love first-person shooters. It confused me that anybody would make a first-person shooter which seemed designed to undermine all the things I enjoy about the genre. I'm all for breaking moulds, but I couldn't fathom how players were feeling rewarded by its relentless slog.
Most frustratingly of all, I looked on - helpless - as Destiny grew into a bona-fide phenomenon. The people who loved it really loved it, and I felt like I was on the outside, looking through the window as everyone enjoyed a party.
It's the same feeling I get when it comes to Dark Souls; desperately wanting to be part of something, while a sense creeps up on me that - whisper it - this is not designed for me. It's hard not to feel shunned, or like I've been told I'm not worthy enough.
"It's fine. You stick to your little kiddy games, love..."
And yet, that message had failed to go in entirely, because I bought Destiny 2 - and I set out last weekend to play it. This time it was going to click with me, I'd decided. I would put in the work. I'd find a team. I'd do the raids, and suffer the grind, and build my character. I'd play it properly, and I would love it, and it would be my reward for a hard year's worth of work.
But first... there were other things which needed doing.
I mean, I love first-person shooters. It confused me that anybody would make a first-person shooter which seemed designed to undermine all the things I enjoy about the genre. I'm all for breaking moulds, but I couldn't fathom how players were feeling rewarded by its relentless slog.
Most frustratingly of all, I looked on - helpless - as Destiny grew into a bona-fide phenomenon. The people who loved it really loved it, and I felt like I was on the outside, looking through the window as everyone enjoyed a party.
It's the same feeling I get when it comes to Dark Souls; desperately wanting to be part of something, while a sense creeps up on me that - whisper it - this is not designed for me. It's hard not to feel shunned, or like I've been told I'm not worthy enough.
"It's fine. You stick to your little kiddy games, love..."
And yet, that message had failed to go in entirely, because I bought Destiny 2 - and I set out last weekend to play it. This time it was going to click with me, I'd decided. I would put in the work. I'd find a team. I'd do the raids, and suffer the grind, and build my character. I'd play it properly, and I would love it, and it would be my reward for a hard year's worth of work.
But first... there were other things which needed doing.
JUST DO IT
I hate DIY.
Like, it gives me proper anxiety. I'm clumsy at the best of times, but put a spanner in my hands and I lose all control of my limbs. My attempts at DIY in the past have been - at best - harrowing (I once blubbed following a four hour attempt to build a barbecue, only to realise I'd put the legs on wrong, meaning it was on a permanent slant), and disastrous (removing an interior wall, I inexplicably chose to use an axe, which rebounded off the brick, and went through the living room ceiling).
It didn't help that I used to be married to somebody who was actually good at DIY, and whose home improvement work was constantly compared, by family members, to my own efforts. Eventually, I just stopped bothering. It wasn't worth the stress, or how it would always undermine my own self-esteem.
These days, I'm with somebody whose DIY ability is roughly on a par with my own - and much happier for that - but it does mean that fixing stuff around the house is a responsibility that I can no longer shy away from.
I mean, it's like P.E. at school. I was fine if a sport didn't require accuracy - running in a straight line, throwing someone to the floor - but the second I had to catch something, or kick a ball into a goal, I knew I was doomed to catcalls and jeers. Of course, let's not forgive the fact that the poor kid was virtually blind without his glasses. Noooo... let's all call him names, and remind him how useless he is.
Similarly, I'm okay - on the whole - if DIY doesn't require any degree of precision. Consequently, I felt pretty good about the fact that I've spent every day for the past month with my hand down the bowl of our downstairs toilet, after it got blocked with kitchen roll by a pooing visitor.
Saturday was my deadline for getting the blockage cleared once and for all (admittedly, I failed... but in a remarkable quirk of serendipity, the water company came and shoved a big stick into our neighbour's blocked drain on Saturday night - shifting a blockage of "fat and grease" (I was listening in, just in case we were going to be fingered as the culprits) - which cleared our toilet straight away.
I also had to try and fix a leak under the sink (it hasn't worked). And then, water started pouring through the kitchen ceiling while my stepdaughter was taking a shower (that one I did fix successfully). And I replaced the seal behind the kitchen sink, as water had also been going behind there.
It has been a bit like being trapped in a gradually disintegrating submarine.
Anyway. The point of all this is to say... while my Saturday DIY score was 1 successful fix, 1 accidental fix, 1 semi-fix, and 1 no-fix... I was feeling pretty good about myself. At least I'd tried some DIY, even if not all of it had worked. For me, that in itself is an achievement.
My reward was video games.
Specifically Destiny 2. Despite everything I've already told you about my feelings toward the original, I was pretty excited to sit down and play something epic. Something I could really get into.
I hate DIY.
Like, it gives me proper anxiety. I'm clumsy at the best of times, but put a spanner in my hands and I lose all control of my limbs. My attempts at DIY in the past have been - at best - harrowing (I once blubbed following a four hour attempt to build a barbecue, only to realise I'd put the legs on wrong, meaning it was on a permanent slant), and disastrous (removing an interior wall, I inexplicably chose to use an axe, which rebounded off the brick, and went through the living room ceiling).
It didn't help that I used to be married to somebody who was actually good at DIY, and whose home improvement work was constantly compared, by family members, to my own efforts. Eventually, I just stopped bothering. It wasn't worth the stress, or how it would always undermine my own self-esteem.
These days, I'm with somebody whose DIY ability is roughly on a par with my own - and much happier for that - but it does mean that fixing stuff around the house is a responsibility that I can no longer shy away from.
I mean, it's like P.E. at school. I was fine if a sport didn't require accuracy - running in a straight line, throwing someone to the floor - but the second I had to catch something, or kick a ball into a goal, I knew I was doomed to catcalls and jeers. Of course, let's not forgive the fact that the poor kid was virtually blind without his glasses. Noooo... let's all call him names, and remind him how useless he is.
Similarly, I'm okay - on the whole - if DIY doesn't require any degree of precision. Consequently, I felt pretty good about the fact that I've spent every day for the past month with my hand down the bowl of our downstairs toilet, after it got blocked with kitchen roll by a pooing visitor.
Saturday was my deadline for getting the blockage cleared once and for all (admittedly, I failed... but in a remarkable quirk of serendipity, the water company came and shoved a big stick into our neighbour's blocked drain on Saturday night - shifting a blockage of "fat and grease" (I was listening in, just in case we were going to be fingered as the culprits) - which cleared our toilet straight away.
I also had to try and fix a leak under the sink (it hasn't worked). And then, water started pouring through the kitchen ceiling while my stepdaughter was taking a shower (that one I did fix successfully). And I replaced the seal behind the kitchen sink, as water had also been going behind there.
It has been a bit like being trapped in a gradually disintegrating submarine.
Anyway. The point of all this is to say... while my Saturday DIY score was 1 successful fix, 1 accidental fix, 1 semi-fix, and 1 no-fix... I was feeling pretty good about myself. At least I'd tried some DIY, even if not all of it had worked. For me, that in itself is an achievement.
My reward was video games.
Specifically Destiny 2. Despite everything I've already told you about my feelings toward the original, I was pretty excited to sit down and play something epic. Something I could really get into.
DOWNLOAD FESTIVAL
So, you can imagine my disappointment when I slid Destiny 2 into my PS4, only to be confronted with the need for a system update... then another system update... then Destiny 2 needed to download an update that was over 5gb, and was going to take 99+ hours. No - wait - 72 hours. Oh, hang on - now it has gone down to four hours. And that is where it remained for the rest of the day.
So instead, I set about trying to finished Uncharted: The Lost Legacy while Destiny 2 chugged along in the background. By evening, it still hadn't downloaded. I left the PS4 on overnight, optimistic that Destiny 2 would be ready by morning.
When I switched on the TV, I was shown the message that the update could not be downloaded.
At that point, I just gave up trying to download anything, and stuck to The Lost Legacy for the remainder of the weekend. I thought I'd probably try again on Monday, when people were at work - and the local broadband was a bit nippier. Except... the Destiny 2 servers were offline for six hours on Monday, so there was no way that was happening either.
And there's no way it's happening for the rest of this week, because I've got an episode of Mr Biffo's Found Footage to finish editing, I've got a document to write for the day job, I've got kids, and myriad other commitments, including Digitiser2000, and this coming weekend I'm best man at a wedding, so it's not going to happen then either.
Oh, and I also need to write my speech.
This is the reality of life for most adults; our days are full of stuff. We barely have time for your ridiculously massive games, that we can't even pause because they're more or less online-only experiences. What we don't need on top of that is another game where we have to try and install an update before we can even play it.
So, you can imagine my disappointment when I slid Destiny 2 into my PS4, only to be confronted with the need for a system update... then another system update... then Destiny 2 needed to download an update that was over 5gb, and was going to take 99+ hours. No - wait - 72 hours. Oh, hang on - now it has gone down to four hours. And that is where it remained for the rest of the day.
So instead, I set about trying to finished Uncharted: The Lost Legacy while Destiny 2 chugged along in the background. By evening, it still hadn't downloaded. I left the PS4 on overnight, optimistic that Destiny 2 would be ready by morning.
When I switched on the TV, I was shown the message that the update could not be downloaded.
At that point, I just gave up trying to download anything, and stuck to The Lost Legacy for the remainder of the weekend. I thought I'd probably try again on Monday, when people were at work - and the local broadband was a bit nippier. Except... the Destiny 2 servers were offline for six hours on Monday, so there was no way that was happening either.
And there's no way it's happening for the rest of this week, because I've got an episode of Mr Biffo's Found Footage to finish editing, I've got a document to write for the day job, I've got kids, and myriad other commitments, including Digitiser2000, and this coming weekend I'm best man at a wedding, so it's not going to happen then either.
Oh, and I also need to write my speech.
This is the reality of life for most adults; our days are full of stuff. We barely have time for your ridiculously massive games, that we can't even pause because they're more or less online-only experiences. What we don't need on top of that is another game where we have to try and install an update before we can even play it.
DAYS GONE
This is the depressing reality of gaming in 2017.
Gone are the days where we could be confident that buying a game, and placing it in our machine, would mean that we could play it immediately. Seemingly, no game is ever shipped finished anymore. They're selling us works-in-progress, and we're all just rolling over and taking it like this is acceptable.
It isn't. If your game isn't finished - don't release it. If your game isn't going to be finished in time for the release date - move the release date. And don't assume everyone who is buying your game has super-fast wifi. That simply isn't realistic. We've not reached that point yet, where we can all download your replacement parts in seconds.
Imagine you buy a new washing machine, and you can't use it the day it arrives, because there's another motor you need. But - oh - it's fine, because the manufacturer will send it to you express delivery. Or you buy a car with only three wheels, and you've got to wait for the fourth wheel to turn up.
I've already accepted that I probably don't have the time to play Destiny 2 the way it's intended, but I at least want the chance to give it a go at a point when it's convenient for me - not when it's convenient for the bloody developer.
My life is stuffed with things that need doing. At the moment I've got a list of about forty different things which need my attention, and that's even before you factor in keeping on top of emails and messages, so that I don't get buried beneath them, and ferrying ageing, ailing, parents back and forth from hospital, and making sure my kids know I love them, and not have my friends all think I've dropped off the face of the earth.
That isn't a complaint; it's life, and I'm happy with my life. But gaming was always my escape. It was what took me out of myself, and out of the routine. It was a break in life. It should be stress-free, hassle-free, and - importantly - convenient.
Something has gone very wrong with modern gaming that we've ended up at a point where this is the norm, It shouldn't have to feel like I've got to build a barbecue before I can play something, and it shouldn't feel like a chore. I've got enough of those already.
The pipe under the sink is still leaking.
SCORE: Nothing out of 10.
This is the depressing reality of gaming in 2017.
Gone are the days where we could be confident that buying a game, and placing it in our machine, would mean that we could play it immediately. Seemingly, no game is ever shipped finished anymore. They're selling us works-in-progress, and we're all just rolling over and taking it like this is acceptable.
It isn't. If your game isn't finished - don't release it. If your game isn't going to be finished in time for the release date - move the release date. And don't assume everyone who is buying your game has super-fast wifi. That simply isn't realistic. We've not reached that point yet, where we can all download your replacement parts in seconds.
Imagine you buy a new washing machine, and you can't use it the day it arrives, because there's another motor you need. But - oh - it's fine, because the manufacturer will send it to you express delivery. Or you buy a car with only three wheels, and you've got to wait for the fourth wheel to turn up.
I've already accepted that I probably don't have the time to play Destiny 2 the way it's intended, but I at least want the chance to give it a go at a point when it's convenient for me - not when it's convenient for the bloody developer.
My life is stuffed with things that need doing. At the moment I've got a list of about forty different things which need my attention, and that's even before you factor in keeping on top of emails and messages, so that I don't get buried beneath them, and ferrying ageing, ailing, parents back and forth from hospital, and making sure my kids know I love them, and not have my friends all think I've dropped off the face of the earth.
That isn't a complaint; it's life, and I'm happy with my life. But gaming was always my escape. It was what took me out of myself, and out of the routine. It was a break in life. It should be stress-free, hassle-free, and - importantly - convenient.
Something has gone very wrong with modern gaming that we've ended up at a point where this is the norm, It shouldn't have to feel like I've got to build a barbecue before I can play something, and it shouldn't feel like a chore. I've got enough of those already.
The pipe under the sink is still leaking.
SCORE: Nothing out of 10.
Got something to say? Write to the Digitiser2000 Friday Letters Page: digitiser2000@gmail.com
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