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REVIEW: APPLE iPHONE 7

19/9/2016

21 Comments

 
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Something I've struggled with as I've gotten older is the curse of developing a conscience. I've become aware that my actions, simply by dint of being born and living in the West, have consequences.

While I feel utterly powerless to do anything significant to change the world for the better, I have become wracked with a sense that I should at least stop being complicit in things which make life worse for others.

​I realise that the way I've lived until now has had repercussions for the rest of the world. My partner and youngest daughter are vegan, and I've been unable to avoid their endless discussions about ethical eating, and it has resulted in my own conscience getting a kick up the backside.

Unfortunately, I don't have anywhere near the strength of will to give up eating meat - the thought of never again having a bacon sandwich or a lovely, medium-rare steak covered in blue cheese sauce - makes my stomach perform a cartwheel, while shouting "Feeeeeeed meeeeee!".

It would require me to unpick 45 years of being borderline carnivore, and I'm not ready to do that yet. But I sort of want to, because I know enough about the meat industry to know that it's incredibly wrong, and bad for the planet, and bad for the animals in their cages... and actually quitting meat would be like  trying to slow down an oil tanker with a ping pong ball on the end of a stick.

Consequently, I'm haunted by this sort of low-level buzz of guilt, that's with me at all times. And it's not just about what I eat. I mean, I had a pang of worry recently, when I suddenly feared that our Digitiser t-shirts might've been made in sweatshops. I'm actually a bit scared to check. 

However, talking of sweatshops, I bought an iPhone 7 last week. 
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MULTICOLOURED SWEAT SHOP
You've probably heard the stories about how the factories where iPhones are made are covered in netting, to stop the workers flinging themselves to their deaths. 

Moral crusaders allege that working conditions are terrible, because China doesn't have the same sorts of regulations which protect workers in the West.

The people who make our phones are paid next to nothing to do so, and work for up to ten hours a day ensuring the screens are all shiny... only for our greasy fingers to make such effort redundant the second we pluck them out of the box.

Apple, like so many other huge companies, is taking advantage of all that - much as it takes advantage of tax loopholes, which means this multi-billion dollar corporation paid probably less tax in the last five years than I have in the last five months.

Through passive culpability and consumer brainwashing, we in the West exploit people in the less developed world as much as we exploit animals for their delicious meat. We turn a blind eye, because we want the shiny, tasty things more than we want a country full of people we've never met to be able to afford to feed their children, or animals other than ourselves to roam free in fields like they're meant to.

And I'm saying all this, despite being an Apple fanboy in as much as I own a MacBook, Apple TV, and the latest iPhone. I'm culpable, and partially responsible, as much as all of us are, and it's entirely down to my own weakness of character.

Indeed, I'm worse even than people who are ignorant to where their iPhones come from: at least they have that excuse. What's mine? I try to ignore the reality, for the sake of having a bunch of connected technology which makes all my photos and apps available on all of them simultaneously.

​I'm a monster... a literal monster.

IMPORTANT QUESTION
The really important question here, however, is whether my iPhone 7 is any good as a new phone. And the answer to that question is: it's alright.

At the moment, I can't tell much difference between it and my iPhone 6, other than the fact that my screen isn't shattered. Admittedly, it doesn't have a headphone socket, but I never listened to music on my iPhone anyway, so I have precisely zero intention of spending close to £200 on those stupid wireless earphones.

The camera is supposedly a bit better, but I can't really tell. And apparently, the processor is more powerful than the last one, but that's hardly going to make much of a difference to the few basic games I play on it. Battery-life seems about the same; it lasts all day, so long as I'm not actually using it for anything.

They tell us that it's water-resistant, but I'm not about to pour a cup of coffee on it to find out, and the home button is now grafted to the case, and doesn't actually click. It uses Apple's "Taptic" feedback, to tap back when I press it, like there's the soul of a dead Chinese sweatshop worker trapped inside. Candidly, I'm not sure I like it.

It even looks much the same as my last iPhone, and only complete idiots are going to get excited about the fact they've made the antenna strips slightly more subtle. The one real difference I've noted is in the new iOS 10 software, which I could've had on my iPhone 6 anyway. I can now send balloons with my text messages, or draw little pictures.

What baffles me is that the main thing people seem to be excited about is that one of the new models comes in a sort of shiny black casing. It's the technology equivalent of that Simpsons episode where Smithers queues up to get a new Malibu Stacey doll, because it comes with a new hat. Aren't we all just going to cover it with a protective case anyway?

Bottom line: I regret upgrading. It cost me £200 - that I can ill afford - to pay off my old contract, and in the process I appear to have inadvertently signed up to that new deal whereby I'm going to get a new iPhone every year until I die. I'm a sucker. I'm a massive sucker. I am the human lamprey.

Indeed, I'm so locked into the Apple ecosystem now - I've bought so many things from their Apple Store, and all of it only exists so long as I stay shackled to their contracts. Should I ever step away, I'd lose all my music and photos, unless I want to take my phone to Boots, and get them all printed at the cost of thousands of pounds.

I'm screwed, and Apple, with their tax dodging and their smugness, is laughing in my face.
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ROTTEN APPLE
So, I hate Apple now. I hate owning so many Apple products, and yet I continue to do so. Unless I can extricate myself from the ruddy contract I'm now locked into, I'm going to continue to do so for the foreseeable future.

​When the first iPhone came out it was sufficiently cool and different for me to overlook any ethical concerns. Or, rather, my excitement at getting some sort of Star Trek gadget thing drowned out the protestations of my shrieking conscience. 

At the behest of Steve Jobs, Apple created a brand which felt as if it was the future. With his quasi-zen persona, he built the company in his projected image - the feeling was that Apple were changing and improving the world. We never really stopped to ask what the real cost of all that was, and I feel like I've been suckered into a religious cult by stealth. Like any cult, you don't realise what you're a part of until it's too late.

​Now I just feel robbed and exploited. The phones are dull comparison to their predecessors - and, indeed, other makes and models on the market - and the annual updates feel as cynical as the decision not to bundle the wireless earphones in the box.

When it comes down to all that, the curtain falls away, and I can't help but think of the phone's point of origin, and then I come back around to the guilt. It feels like I'm stuck in an abusive, co-dependent relationship with someone who is spending all my money and cheating on me, while I'm flapping around them trying to make them happy. Everything has its breaking point, and I think I might've reached mine.

FROM THE ARCHIVE:
​SONY & APPLE: A TALE OF TWO PRESENTATIONS - BY MR BIFFO
​
A TRIBUTE TO STEVE JOBS
PLAYSTATION VR: WHERE'S ALL THE HYPE? - BY MR BIFFO
​
21 Comments
wunk
19/9/2016 12:02:05 pm

I can do an impression of Harry Enfield doing an impression of Nelson Mandella saying "you have got an iphone. I would veeeeery much like an iphone". It really is very good but doesn't translate too well on a typing based forum granted. That is all I have to say today.

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Adam
19/9/2016 12:29:12 pm

So where was my Digi t-shirt made?

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paulvw
19/9/2016 12:32:11 pm

So....you went for the shiny black one then.

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Voodoo76
19/9/2016 12:46:24 pm

Oh Biffo I thought you were the one person I could count on not to be brainwashed by the evil Apple. Do it, escape while you can, pay the £1000's to Boots but at least you'll be free, freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

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Mr Biffo
19/9/2016 04:58:58 pm

I know, I know... I'm just another victim...

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Antony Adler
19/9/2016 12:48:49 pm

Although I've moved away last year from the iphone, I made 2 predictions earlier this year...
1) This year's iPhone would be very dull indeed.
2) Next year is the 10th anniversary of the iPhone and it's going to be spectacular.

I was right on the first half and apols Mr Biffo but you might not be able to bow out just yet !!

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Chris Wyatt
19/9/2016 01:39:17 pm

Smug Cyanogen user here. Yes, I do have Google apps on my phone, but I have the option of breaking away from the monopoly of Google, and only using their open source code, which, being open source, probably doesn't mean my privacy is being violated too much, and has been heavily vetted by greasy, spotty nerds.

I'm terrible. I tend to turn a blind eye and as yourself, I'm locked into Google's consumer model. At least Google do embrace open standards more, but they're still evil, and the "Hey! We embrace open standards" is probably just a front for whatever grand, diabolical schemes they plot behind closed doors.

I did consider switching to Ubuntu Touch to try and break away from using Google for EVERYTHING, but I'm so hopelessly addicted to Zookeeper Battle; it's the one thing keeping me on Android!

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John Veness
19/9/2016 01:42:48 pm

Veganism might be hard, but you could try vegetarianism. You can get some really quite meat-like sausages and burgers (not the ones that are just squashed-together vegetables) if you crave that. Or you could even just cut down a bit on meat but not cut it out entirely. I see it as choosing a point you are happy with on a spectrum rather than as a binary decision.

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Mr Biffo
19/9/2016 04:58:26 pm

Oh yeah... I've done the cutting down - aside from anything, living in a house with vegans means that it's just easier that way. I think I could be veggie at home, but it's when I go out to eat that I think I'd struggle.

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Lofty from EastEnders
19/9/2016 05:02:22 pm

Well, if it's any consolation I recently found out that Brighton-based Vegetarian Shoes now outsources the making of some of its shoes to Poland, before shipping them back to the UK to be sold here. That's a bit like Apple and its supposed exploitation of the little Chinese people -- and should be a bit of a head-spinner for the ecologically-minded folks that like to buy 'vegetarian' shoes. I should point out that I used to buy shoes from Vegetarian Shoes, but I stopped worrying about such things a few years ago because life's too short and the world has bigger concerns. I still don't eat meat but perhaps if someone wants to send me a cow from Poland, I'll give it a go.

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Odin Quincannon
19/9/2016 05:22:25 pm

The God of Meat appreciates your faithfulness

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FEoD link
20/9/2016 07:56:34 am

Hmm. Your ideas are intriguing to me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter as long as you can guarantee that by doing so my entire town will not be unexpectedly wiped out by a massive underground shit-based explosion...

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FatDave
19/9/2016 05:48:20 pm

Can't you just save the whole lot to the hard drive on your mac then just transfer it all over to one of those portable hard drives?

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Patters
19/9/2016 06:39:46 pm

You're dead right about the photos part. That single thing is probably what shackles most people to the metaphorical radiator. No matter how convenient now, you always need to have a way to get the actual photos onto your computer in a neutral format (not the corruption-prone evil that is an iPhoto/Photos library). Today's market leading platform won't always be the frontrunner. Imagine when eventually Facebook implodes and people realise they trusted them with the only copies of all their digital media.

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The Wizard of Odyssey! link
19/9/2016 06:57:16 pm

This is the best melodrama about Apple that I have heard since Mike Daisey's "The Agony and Ecstasy of Steve Jobs" hit the scene and was soon after debunked as mostly fabrication.

(you have to read Mr. Biffo aloud to have the benefit of hearing it, which only adds to the fun)

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Darrel link
19/9/2016 08:44:05 pm

I have an iPhone 6 as a work phone and a Nexus 5 as my personal phone so I'm perfectly positioned to make am unbiased opinion.

Having an iPhone is like owning one of those Ferraris that although you own (in writing), you can only drive it when the Ferrari engineers allow you to and they take it away if they want to.

Having an Android phone however is like having a less slightly tarted up car that you can rev the nuts off whenever you like, modify the hell out of it and tweak the tits out of it to your hearts content.

So in summary, I'd rather have a less glamorous and also common android phone, than a pretentious iphone which you can do very little with.

That my friends, is my scientific explanation. Based on very little science.

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Scott C
19/9/2016 08:47:50 pm

I jumped ship from iPhone to Android 2 years ago. I got a Sony Xperia Z3 Compact and have zero regrets; a) I saved £200 on the handset b) I've had a waterproof phone since 2014 c) with average usage the battery last for 3 days (or 1 with heavy use, e.g. GPS/maps on a sunny day with the screen on full brightness). d) handset still looks great without using a case/screen protector. Did I mention that it also has a headphone port? No going back for me.

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Super Bad Advice
20/9/2016 09:42:33 am

I'm in a similar, if not quite as expensive boat. I buy Apple stuff because for the most part I can't be arsed and it genuinely does just work together. I can get messages on my Mac Mini and reply to them even though my phone is elsewhere, my stuff all syncs between my iPad and my phone and so on. I also like taking photos but have cock-all knowledge about ISOs and the like, so having a phone with what's widely regarded as one of the best and simplest cameras on is great.

Plus...I have this thing about Android. It's way, way better than it used to be but it's just untidy because it's never exclusively made for what it's on, manufacturers can rarely resit keeping their mitts off and always add crud, and it requires fiddling to keep it ticking over. The app store has knockoffs and dodgy stuff. And of course Google are constantly datamining away, ready to sell you something else. It's that sense of buying something but actually you're the 'product' that I can't shake. That, and the occasional security panic and (worst of all) the fact that any Android phone you support has the support lifetime of a gnat.

Thankfully I only have an iPhone SE that I got 2nd-hand (always go for unlocked on eBay) so don't have the big ticket purchase guilt. And why do I have one? Because I bust my iPhone 6 when it fell out of my pocket while I was trying to take a photo of one of those 'Legal name truth' posters. And if THAT isn't a sign of a govt./big business stitch up, I don't know what is.

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Chris Wyatt
20/9/2016 01:28:31 pm

Good point. The bloatware OEMs add can ruin handsets. Samsung are a good example, where they've basically ruined the stock Android by adding their own shitty GUI in place of the usual one. A lot of the bad press that Google have got over Android is actually caused by irresponsible OEMs; however Google should really get some flack for it, seeing as they did introduce that model, and would have been well aware of the problems that it would create.

I bought a Wileyfox Swift recently and I'm very happy with it. It's a budget phone (£120), and it has no bloatware or bundled crap. It's unlocked and has 2 sim cards, so I can pick 2 networks of my choice. It uses Cyanogen OS, which is basically an improved stock Android that allows more customisation, and if you aren't a techy user, then it doesn't matter: all the extra gubbins are hidden away out of view anyway, and it's just as easy to use as stock Android.

I like the freedom Android phones give me, even if I can't be bothered to dick around with them. I have the technical know-how to root and mess around, but I can't be arsed right now, and I'm happy that it 'just works'. It's why I would prefer a desktop PC over an Apple laptop. I can't say I've bought a desktop PC for a long time, but at least with old desktop PCs, it was very easy to replace parts, and often as trivial as taking out a couple of screws, removing something, and then sticking another thing in; couldn't be much simpler really. Newer desktop PCs do sometimes squish everything together, or deliberately make it harder for your average user to do their own servicing, so this doesn't hold for all desktop PCs (again, going back to OEMs being a pain in the arse).

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Spiney O'Sullivan
20/9/2016 11:25:06 am

I now view iPhone announcements less with any excitement and more with apathy tending towards resignation. Much as I actually like my phone, I hate the upgrade cycle. It's basically the same phone every time for a horrendous price, made by the same factory that thinks that providing healthcare for employees means installing a net. If it wasn't for being trapped in the iTunes/iPhoto ecosystem, I'd seriously consider a decent non-Apple phone. I'll probably get a 7 or 7s when this 6 inevitably starts losing battery life badly like the 4 and 5 before it. Usually about the three year mark.

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Ian Henry The Eighth I Am
21/9/2016 08:00:52 am

Just like Mr C off The Shamen above, I broke the Apple cycle with Android. In my case, the Oneplus Two. It does everything I ask of a smartphone. there's the occasional time an app is iOS only, but that's an increasingly rare exception.
My reaction when Apple announced their newest models was one of mild indifference. So they don't have a headphone socket? Neither did the GBA-SP but everyone bought it anyway.

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