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REMEMBERING THE OTHER INVENTIONS OF SIR CLIVE SINCLAIR

21/3/2017

20 Comments

 
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Everybody who grew up in the 80s had heard of the ZX81 and ZX Spectrum. Indeed, the latter was considered such a British success story that Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher presented one as a gift to the Prime Minister of Japan, as an example of Britain's technological prowess.

No doubt he laughed when he saw the rubber keys and the colour clash graphics, then climbed into a big robotic exoskeleton and kicked it into a whale's face.

Regardless, the much loved Spectrum offered an affordable entry point to home computing, and unexpectedly gave birth to the British games industry as we know it today.

However, success wasn't always on the cards for Sinclair founder Sir Clive Sinclair. Either side of the Spectrum, his fortunes were somewhat more mixed. Here's a loose timeline of the lesser known endeavours of this singular genius and staunch supporter of the lapdancing industry.
MICRO AMPLIFIER (1962)
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Sinclair's very first product, the Micro Amplifier, was exactly that: a really, really small amplifier kit, which nimble-fingered hobbyists could put together "in under two hours".

The amp could be used in "micro-radios" and "transmitters" - and was "ideal for modellers and experimenters". For a one-man company, the Micro Amplifier was a considerable success, and - get this - smaller than a 3d piece!​

Not bad from a man who thought it was a good idea to name his children Belinda, Crispin and Bartholomew.
MICRO 6 (1964)
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Another do-it-yourself kit, the Micro 6 was a tiny radio that could be built "in a single evening". Claiming to be the smallest radio in the world, it could be worn on the wrist with a special nylon strap, which Sinclair dubbed the "Transrista", for some reason - rather than the more logical "nylon strap".

​Unfortunately, in the above advertisement the Micro 6 appears to have been modelled by a corpse, its arm hanging limply from a mortuary gurney. Perhaps Sir Clive was foreshadowing the 1985 death of his marriage, shortly after which he briefly made a home with his former secretary.
PROJECT 60 (1969)
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Yet another kit, Project 60 was a modular stereo system. Sinclair sold the various pieces separately - the loudspeaker, amplifier and power supply could all be purchased in their unassembled form. The Project 60 went on to become Sinclair's biggest selling product of the 1960s, and true to the fashion of the time was housed in an attractive wooden casing.

Unfortunately, Sir Clive Sinclair believes he may have hastened the extinction of mankind through his contributions to technological progress. 

He has said: "Once you start to make machines that are rivalling and surpassing humans with intelligence, it's going to be very difficult for us to survive. It's just an inevitability."
CAMBRIDGE CALCULATOR (1973)
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Prior to the Sinclair Cambridge - so named for Cambridge was the home of Sinclair Radionics - anybody wanting to use a machine to do sums had to have the space to store a massive, elk-sized electro-adding machine.

Unfortunately, to keep the costs down when it came to manufacturing its compact Cambridge Calculator, Sinclair used low quality, cheap, components. This resulted in a fault whereby, after some use, the already power-hungry Cambridge refused to switch off.

Apparently, one of the ways in which Sir Clive has reportedly liked to "switch off" over the years, is by visiting the lapdancing club Stringfellows.
THE BLACK WATCH (1975)
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Not to be confused with the 3rd Battalion of the Royal Regiment of Scotland, Sinclair's "Black Watch" was indeed a black watch (unless you bought the grey version that was also available).

One of Sinclair's most iconic products, it was a digital watch, which had to be activated to display the time. Unfortunately, the battery life was a mere ten days, the batteries were difficult to replace, and in its kit form was a nightmare to put together.

This was just the tip of an iceberg of problems surrounding The Black Watch, with so many being sent back to Sinclair for repair, that the company built up a two year backlog - and would've gone bankrupt, had the government's National Economic Board not stepped in to save it.

It was the sort of nightmare headline that Sir Clive must have hoped to avoid. Unfortunately, worse was still to come in the mid-80s, when he had a fling with 27 year-old Vicky Lee, which resulted in the memorable News of the World headline:  "Sir Clive liked boffin me C5 times a night."
MICROVISION POCKET TELEVISION (1976)
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Sinclair first started work on a miniature television in the 1960s, but had to wait for technology to catch up to his inspiration. Demand was high for the Microvision, but Sinclair was unable to meet it at first.

By the time Sinclair managed to catch up to demand, interest in the device had moved on. Consequently, Sinclair was left with a ton of unsold stock - and further financial woes.

Is it any wonder that Sir Clive later sought solace in the arms of numerous blonde women many years younger than him?
WRIST CALCULATOR (1977)
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Despite being incredibly fiddly to put together, the Sinclair Wrist Calculator was a much-needed hit for the company. This was despite the fact that many shipped with the wrong-sized parts, meaning it was impossible to put together.

​20,000 were distributed to the US - though sales were so dreadful that the majority of the US stock was returned to Sinclair HQ, unsold. 

Outside of technology, Sir Clive would later invest in legitimate theatre, helping to support the career of one girlfriend, Tricia Walsh-Smith, by funding a play she wrote entitled 'Bonkers'.

​Prior to this, Tricia was perhaps best known for her starring role in the children's BBC series Grange Hill, as "Mother in park". In 2008 she reached new levels of fame, when a tearful YouTube rant, aimed at a former husband, went viral. 
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MK14 MICROPROCESSOR (1977)
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Sinclair's first bona-fide computer, the MK14 would point to the future of the company - off the back of a respectable 50,000 sales. It led directly to the ZX80, ZX81, ZX Spectrum - and the entire home computer boom of the 1980s.

The success of the MK14 would eventually lead to a brief relationship with Ruth Kensit, cousin of the actress and singer Patsy Kensit. At the time, Sir Clive was 55 years old, and Ruth a mere 21, and there's nothing wrong with that, probably.

According to The Daily Sport, Ruth enjoyed going on dates with Sir Clive while not wearing knickers. It is unreported whether her beau had to keep his pants on in the event of any urine leakage caused by an enlarged prostate (common in men over 50).
C5 (1985)
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After the seismic success of the ZX Spectrum, Sinclair's fortunes in the home computer market started to wane.

The successor to the Spectrum, the QL, was blighted by technical issues, resulting from a rushed production process. The launch of the QL was also overshadowed by Sinclair's other 1985 release - the Sinclair C5, a ridiculous electric trike, which would go down in history as the company's greatest folly.

Much of its failure can be attributed to its chronically ill-conceived design - handlebars beneath the thighs, virtually no impact protection, or shielding from the elements, a top speed of just 15mph, and a limp battery life (which, when it ran down, would require the driver to try and pedal the weighty machine manually).

Following criticism, Sinclair ended up having to include a hi-vis mast with every C5, so that other road users would be aware of its presence, and not inadvertently crush it beneath their wheels. Indeed, the vehicle was considered so dangerous in the Netherlands, that it was banned outright.

Fortunately for Sir Clive, there was no law preventing him, at the age of 58, getting engaged to a 21 year-old accountant called Bernadette Tynan. Sadly for Sir Clive, Bernadette would later call off the relationship, claiming to have had second thoughts the day after he proposed. Mensa member Bernadette Tynan reportedly has an IQ of 158 (just one brain-point less than Sir Clive himself).

​Which might explain her decision.
ZIKE (1992)
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Having flogged the rights to its computer products to rival Amstrad in 1986, by 1990 Sinclair consisted of just three employees - Sir Clive... and two other blokes.

Undeterred by the utter failure of the C5, Sinclair had another crack at an electric vehicle - the Zike. Billed as "The greatest invention since the bicycle", a pitiful 2,000 Zikes were sold via mail-order, and production was halted after just six months. 

Sinclair later developed the Zeta - or Zero-Emission Transport Accessory - a motor which sat on the rear wheel of an ordinary pedal bike, and gave it a powered boost (it was also adapted for use on wheelchairs). It sold significantly better than the Zike, but was still a long way from the halcyon days when Sinclair's home computers threw themselves off shelves, like lemmings. 

His relationship with the late Howard's Way actress Sally Farmiloe - perhaps best remembered for her affair with Jeffrey Archer and hang-gliding naked - may have softened the blow.
SEADOO (2001)
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Sinclair finally had a hit electric vehicle in the shape of the Sea-Doo sea scooter - a handheld unit that could propel people through water (a boon for lazy scuba divers). It was developed in conjunction with several partners, as the offshoot of their attempts to develop the aforementioned Zeta-like wheelchair drive unit.

Though it hasn't become synonymous with Sinclair in the way some of the company's earlier products did, the Seadoo has been a considerable success for the "randy" boffin. As has - thus far - his marriage to Angie Bowness, whom he met while she was giving him a £10 "erotic" dance at the gentleman's club Stringfellows. 

Despite the 36 year age difference, she once said of her multimillionaire husband: "He's actually incredibly attractive to women. You can't tell from the pictures."

Following the wedding, Lady Angie Sinclair briefly became a "lads mag favourite", and released her own "posh and sexy" swimsuit calendar... Another Sinclair success story!

FROM THE ARCHIVE:
​A SPECIAL GALLERY OF SINCLAIR USER COVERS...
​
12 BOOTLEGGED 16-BIT GAMES FROM THE GOLDEN ERA OF PIRACY
18 BIZARRE BOOTLEG TOYS
20 Comments
Biscuits the character
21/3/2017 11:41:56 am

This article is unfair, in my brief tenure as Clive's wife I found him nothing short of rich.

Reply
Trevor Cod
21/3/2017 12:06:17 pm

Good luck to him, i say. He won't die wondering "what if..."

Reply
Cheeky William
21/3/2017 12:13:01 pm

Unless it's 'what if...I was a competent inventor?'

Reply
Alastair
21/3/2017 01:30:02 pm

He was a prolific and proficient inventor, but it was poor production that let him down and led to selling to the actual businessman Alan Sugar.

Spiney O'Sullivan
21/3/2017 12:54:29 pm

If the Sinclair QL advert is to be believed, he's also an incredible athlete. This may further explain his success with the ladies.

Reply
Nick
21/3/2017 01:18:48 pm

Blimey. He got around a bit. No wonder he was always too tired to pedal.
I never new he invented the Sea-Scooter. It was probably for the best that he let someone else manage the marketing.

Sinclair is certainly my third favourite Clive after "James" and "the orangutan" who hold the first and second places respectively.

Reply
RG
21/3/2017 02:57:40 pm

I'll raise you an Owen and a Barker. And maybe an Anderson. But he's deffo a top 10 Clive...

Reply
Nick
21/3/2017 03:12:17 pm

Damn it! I'd forgotten about Anderson and Barker. I'm not a fan of Owen so he's still top five but it can't be denied, his star is slipping.

RG
21/3/2017 04:45:23 pm

How's about Dr Clive Gibbons from 80's Neighbours?

Paul
21/3/2017 01:37:03 pm

Also not forgetting the Cambridge Computers Z88 - a small, A4 sized portable computer with a thin strip of an LCD display, and a keyboard that (felt more like dead flesh than the Spectrum keys did (apparently, according to Dangerous Dave who seems to know such things). It, bizarrely, carried an implementation of BBC Basic and PipeDream - a work processor/spreadsheet thing. It was an odd thing, but very useable - it ran off 4 AA batteries that lasted more than a couple of days. It was also expandable - you could add RAM and EEPROM storage under the keyboard.

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Andee
21/3/2017 02:31:39 pm

Following from the terrible things listed above he had another crack at "electric transport for the people" with the tippex dispenser inspired x-1
Available 2011 - or perhaps not.
https://www.wired.com/2010/11/sinclair-x-1-sir-clive-tries-another-electric-bike/

Terrible transport choices run in the family. His nephew is having another go with the possibly fictional e-tricycle here
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/technology/2017/02/22/sinclair-c5-reborn-1980s-electric-tricycle-gets-21st-century/

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Chris
21/3/2017 03:51:43 pm

"Hang-gliding naked"

Wait... what?

Reply
Mr Biffo
21/3/2017 08:38:25 pm

Google it...

Reply
Jabberwoc
21/3/2017 04:42:08 pm

A couple of years ago I worked as an underwater photographer for a rubbish log-cabin-based holiday firm which rhymes with "Meant Her Larks".
They used Sea-Doos. They were rubbish. Their batteries always ran out 5 minutes into the "lesson".
More bad news - the Sally Farmiloe nude hang-glider fridge magnets on Amazon are out of stock again.
http://amzn.eu/6WUu31s

Reply
Skanker Fitzgerald
21/3/2017 08:27:49 pm

No wonder the 8-digit calculator flopped. All those people wishing to do sums with the number 9 in them must've been seriously disappointed.

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biscotti
21/3/2017 08:42:44 pm

'8 + 1 innit. Easy. Next.' - Sir Clive Sinclair, press conference 1976

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Raybies
22/3/2017 07:59:38 am

We had a micro vision when I was a kid. It was pretty decent (while it might seem shite now, all TV was back then) but only black and white.

Seeing as we were in Ireland, it probably cost an arm and a leg more than the UK price (whatever about the 48k zx spectrum), and as my dad was neither young, blonde, a woman or convincing in a wig, I'm sure he paid "full whack" for our Sinclair products.

The last thing I remember watching on the micro vision was a movie from the late 70s /early 80s involving an android or cyborg hitman. The robot man was locked in a room by his targets, and he started to turn around repeatedly looking for a way out. Not seeing a way out, robot man span faster and faster, and then the filmmakers sped up the footage and robot man exploded.

Answers on a postcard, folks!

Reply
Tony Mann
15/3/2019 06:07:10 pm

I have more than 100 inventions/ideas. I can not finance or market
any of them. I'll be glad for Mr Clair Sinclair to help with any of them,
in return for any royalty or agreement. It's worth studying the
details and drawings of my inventions to further improve them.
Thanks,
Tony Mann

Reply
yu5uyr link
12/9/2019 11:46:44 am

VDFSFGSFGSDGSFG

Reply
MATTHEW
12/9/2019 11:47:29 am

BOB

Reply



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