It's a given that successful game franchises will continue indefinitely. However often they might tell us that the story is wrapping up, or it's the end of the trilogy, economics dictates that publishers will always find a way to ensure their biggest brands endure.
But what if there was a more organic way to continue the big game series? What if the characters in those games were capable of procreation, and could produce offspring with characters from other games - like a couple of rare pandas being encouraged to go at it, while concerned zoologists look on, taking notes and photographs? Why, the gaming gene pool would diversify in the most natural way imaginable.
We inputted the features of a number of the most popular games characters into the software at Make Me Babies, to see what slid out the other end.
But what if there was a more organic way to continue the big game series? What if the characters in those games were capable of procreation, and could produce offspring with characters from other games - like a couple of rare pandas being encouraged to go at it, while concerned zoologists look on, taking notes and photographs? Why, the gaming gene pool would diversify in the most natural way imaginable.
We inputted the features of a number of the most popular games characters into the software at Make Me Babies, to see what slid out the other end.
LARA CROFT and GORDON FREEMAN
With Valve reluctant to milk Gordon Freeman for another drop of his precious DNA, perhaps the only way for Half-Life franchise to thrive is by mating it with another successful series. If Gordon got it on with Lara Croft, this would be the resultant spawn - a beautiful pouting boy, by the name of Jelbord - who goes around firing crowbars out of a bow.
LINK and ZELDA
Link and Zelda have been threatening to get together for decades now, and were it to happen, Zelda would later give birth to this little cherub - with twin ear piercings and everything - whom they would probably name Shelly.
MARIO and PRINCESS PEACH
Talk about punching above your weight... Mario is just a pot-bellied plumber with a terrible moustache, but he's forever courting the fragrant Princess Peach. Were he ever to get lucky enough to find himself in the royal boudoir, and successfully fertilise those aristocratic loins, Peach would eventually squeeze out Mario's heir. She would note (after she was sewn up, cleaned up, and the drugs had worn off) that he was a blonde, chubby-cheeked imp who simply demands to be called Gerald.
BAYONETTA and NATHAN DRAKE
Both Bayonetta and Nathan Drake like guns - as do Lara Croft and Gordon Freeman - so it's little wonder that there are similarities between their offspring. Notably, the same hat. However, the Bayonetta/Drake infant, Prawn, has squintier eyes. He can probably have surgery in later life to get that corrected.
JYNX and TREVOR PHILLIPS
We doubt that Trevor Phillips is the sort of man to be put off by a racist stereotype, which is why we can see him not batting an eyelid when offered the chance to sow his horrible smelly seed with Pokemon's Jynx, probably behind a skip. Here's their tot - a girl called Branx.
SONIC and PAC-MAN
We appreciate that both Sonic and Pac-Man are meant to be male, but this is the 21st Century, and we're pretty sure there are ways around that sort of thing, what with those surrogate mothers they have now. All Sonic and Pac-Man would need to do is provide a sample of their sperm, mix it up in a jug, and let their surrogate do the rest. Unfortunately, with two such dysfunctional parents, the girl - Thorne - would grow up to suffer from ADHD, drug addiction, and ghosts.
TINGLE and ZANGIEF
Zangief and Tingle are both boys, as far as we know, but let's assume for a moment that Tingle is also equipped with a complete and fully functioning female reproductive system, and that the two of them enjoyed a brief night of passion which resulted in this curious little chap - their son, Del.
GHOST and COMPANION CUBE
So. Apparently, Make Me Babies can make us babies out of anything. With that in mind...
SHIGERU MIYAMOTO and MARCUS FENIX
You've probably wondered what a child would look like if his parents had been Mario's creator Shigeru Miyamoto and Marcus Fenix from the Gears of War games. Well, wonder no more - for we have the answer, and her name is Prizzym.
GABE NEWELL and MATTHEW SMITH
Staying in the world of games development, what would happen if Valve boss Gabe Newell and Manic Miner creator Matthew Smith were able to have full sexual intercourse, and one of them was capable of getting pregnant? According to Make Me Babies, this would happen - a handsome young chap called Steve-o. Congratulations, you guys!
PETER MOLYNEUX and A CHILD'S DRAWING OF PETER MOLYNEUX
And if Peter Molyneux were to one, lonely, evening make sweet, sweet, steamy love to a 3 year-old's drawing of himself, and the drawing had a baby? The baby would obviously look exactly like this darling little thing - her name is Stinkholepoofart.
THE PLAYSTATION LOGO and A POTATO
Yeah, whatever.
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