DIGITISER
  • MAIN PAGE
  • Features
  • Videos
  • Game Reviews
  • FAQ

PLEASE: DO NOT HATE THE DIGITISER2000 FRIDAY LETTERS PAGE

10/6/2016

8 Comments

 
Picture
Alright? How are you? Everything okay? Good.

How are we doing though? No, really: how are we doing? Anyway. That's that. That's the fishing done. Here's another Digitiser2000 Friday Letters Page. 

If you want a slice of this sweet cherry pie, please deposit your snide comments, opinions, and questions into my father's trousers: 
digitiser2000@gmail.com
PRANG!
When I was just a little boy, I asked my mother, what will I be? 
She said an old anxious weirdo who'll read teletext on the Internet on his phone while using the loo.
Son of Mystic Meg
Press reveal to see what your mother, Mystic Meg, is up to these days:
REVEAL:
Picture
KLANG!
​As you recently wrote about your wild youth playing roleplaying games, 
I was wondering if you might enlighten us with regards to your experience of another species of game, namely the board game. Since they have also become somewhat normalised of late, I wondered if you had enjoyed any recently, or indeed in the distant past.
Chris who writes about boardgames
I can't say I've played any board games recently. Various funny card games were played. Including the profound error of playing Cards Against Humanity with my daughters.

Man Bites Dog caused furious arguments on most evenings of my summer holiday last year. And we had fun with our custom version of Jenga, which became known as Das Schtack, and had to be played while speaking in a German accent.

As a kid it was the usual suspects over Christmas. Monopoly, Cluedo, Ker-Plunk. Though I loved games with a 3D component - Mouse Trap, Ghost Train, Slime Monster and Haunted House - but only because I could use them with my Star Wars figures. 

Tell me now: what should I be playing?

QUANG!
I find myself at a bit of a quandary and it's all to do with the latest GTA Online cash grab 'Further Adventures in Finance and Felony'.

I'm a dad of three in my mid-thirties and have been playing GTA Online (as time allows) since it was released a few years ago.  I've enjoyed playing the game and I have scraped by on the meagre earnings from the heists or the occasional story mission.

Yet I find myself at a complete loss with the extortionate prices of the new GTA Online DLC and feel that I am now unable to play a game I have paid cash for, expecting it to be 'a complete experience'.  To participate in the latest series of missions, you need to purchase a minimum of $13,600,00 worth of properties and then fund each individual mission. 

This amount of money takes several hours to earn through grinding missions or heists, meaning getting to the point where you can play this content is a dreary and boring affair.

Am I alone in feeling frustrated at being excluded from participating in content merely because the fact I have a job and kids means I can't grind the amount of virtual money?  I wouldn't mind if there were servers I could play on where this content wasn't available, but it's forced on you at every opportunity.
​Adam
I've not played a lot of GTA Online, and certainly haven't bothered with the DLC. Is anyone else irritated by this shameless virtual cash-grab?
SRILANG!
I've just finished reading your excellent article "10 Things Every Eighties Gamer Remembers',  and this bit in particular really struck a chord with me.

​Exactly 13 years previously, on September 29th 1987, everyone, wherever they were, turned to the person nearest to them and remarked: "On this day 13 years hence, Sony shall release a smaller, redesigned version of its first home console, and it shall be called the PSOne. We must never forget this day."

Thanks to my dad's new camcorder we managed to get the whole thing on video as it happened in my household. I look and sound like a chain-smoking Barry White as I speak those sacred words, which is incredible considering that a) I'm not black and b) I wasn't even two years old at the time. 

I'm forever grateful that dad just so happened to be filming with the camcorder at that exact moment and thus catch it all on tape. It did ruin the footage for the snuff film he was making, but swings and
roundabouts.

Anyway, thanks for the trip down memory-lane, Mr B.
Dr Dagless 
I think I've found that footage. Press reveal to see it:
REVEAL:
Picture
B'DANG!
I think Sega should revive console making, with a new machine, with backwards compatibility & call it the “Sega Multi Slot” 
Mr D. Balls
Press reveal to see what Insincere Dave has to say about that: 
REVEAL:
Picture
"THANKS FOR WRITING IN, YEAH!!!!!?!!!"
K-PANG!
Hi, my name is Trip Hazard and I’m the CEO of Bodacious Games. We produce some of the World’s most innovative, provocative and evocative gaming products on the market TODAY. (Apologies for block capsin’ you there, dude; I sometimes get a little over-excited on account of the Soya Frappuccino.)

Our games are developed for PCs, consoles, tablets, smartphones and a few models of Breville toaster. They’re ethically-sourced, SJW-proofed, 100% non-problematic, gender unspecific hope-narratives that are Crowdsourced, Kickstarted, Private and Publically funded by the Masses and your Missus.

They’re available on DVD, Blu-ray, Tassimo Pod, Download, Brownload and discretely and hygienically uploaded to your bed linen as you sleep.

I hope in the future to confirm the production of one of our latest efforts; moulded in our San Canteeno offices by our team of ashen, spindly code-vegans. We hope to break the mould, shift the paradigm, change the game and smash the patriarchy with our first person, third person, missing person, isometric, isotonic puzzle quest action adventure RPG walking simulator.

I shall keep you posted on this potentially exciting release.
Trip Hazard – CEO of Bodacious Games
I wonder what took longer: the amount of time that took you to write, or the five minutes trying to work out whether you were an actual CEO.
POTATOES?
I'm worried that Dark Souls 3 is driving me towards self harm. My problems started a few days ago when, after a particularly annoying setback, I hit myself in the face with a slipper. This has now progressed to punching my leg with a clenched fist while screaming silently.

​What's even worse is my neighbour saw me doing this through the window while he was watering the plants in his garden. I can only assume he thinks I'm some kind of a crazy, although I avoid talking to him anyway so this might not be so bad.

Do you think I should stop playing Dark Souls, or should I instead just start again with a different character, perhaps going for a high dexterity build this time?
S. Hawke
Neither: I think you should murder your neighbour.
Picture
MAN DIARY - Friday June 10th 2016
I've got a new job as a male stripper. I've been hired to attend the Queen's 90th birthday party later today.

I plan to turn up dressed as a Coldstream Guard. I'm going to jump out in front of Her Maj', push Prince Phillip to his knees, straddle him, then whip off my bearskin and uniform, while shouting "How's this for a bare foreskin, your Majesty?!"

She'll probably give a knighthood when she sees "it".

DO NOT write to Digitiser2000 here: digitiser2000@gmail.com​
DO NOT send all your money here:
Picture
DO NOT come and meet Mr Biffo on the Saturday of this:
Picture
8 Comments
Da5e
10/6/2016 09:58:14 am

"Tell me now: what should I be playing?"

Warhammer Quest Silver Tower, bruv. No, really, look at Rab Florence's review of it. It's quite good.

Reply
Waynan The Barbarian
10/6/2016 10:50:34 am

"And we had fun with our custom version of Jenga, which became known as Das Schtack, and had to be played while speaking in a German accent."

Pissed my pants laughing at this! I think i need to pick up Jenga on the way home from work. Sorry, Das Schtack.

Reply
Mr Biffo
10/6/2016 12:55:11 pm

We have a history of doing this. A few Christmases ago we also played a game called "Jenga Spores", where we pretended to be shot in the face with a cloud of toxic spores every time we removed a block. And that isn't even a lie.

Reply
RichardM
10/6/2016 12:26:04 pm

You'd probably like Star Wars: Imperial Assault (minis game, dice rolling, Star Wars). Or maybe X-Wing or Armada also by Fantasy Flight Games? The problem is finding someone who likes Star Wars enough to learn the rules.

Reply
Chris
10/6/2016 12:50:47 pm

If you like word and/or party games, you might like Codenames. You have to give clues that help your team guess the right words from a grid, without giving too much away to the other team.

Currently popular is the episodic (yes, an episodic boardgame) cooperative save-the-world-me-do Pandemic: Legacy. It's tremendous fun to suck at.

I have a feeling you might enjoy Smallworld, if you can cope with generic fantasy nonsense, since the rules are straightforward but there's a good deal of friendly competition.

If you have the time and complexity-tolerance of course, I personally love Arkham Horror. Every turn involves reading some flavourful cards in your attempts to prevent Cthulhu or one of his besties from destroying the world. It's another game that's excellent fun to lose at.

Reply
Mr Biffo
10/6/2016 01:45:16 pm

Ta for these suggestions, gents.

Reply
Mickey "One Eye" Swain
10/6/2016 11:26:14 pm

I too play a bit of GTA Online and was in the same position as Adam - the cash grab is getting more obvious now that Rockstar is desperately trying to squeeze as much money as it can from remaining GTA players who are willing to pay for Shark Cards.

I gave up grinding after the Ill Gotten Gains DLC after spending 4 days doing the same mission over and over in order to buy ONE plane. Fortunately, as I'm on PC I was able to find a "guy" online to "hook a brother up" as the kids say, and 5 minutes later I had $90 million in cash. I now have 5 houses with full garages of fully modded cars, every item of clothing, all guns and full ammo, all Pegasus vehicles, the most expensive yacht and the new office they added in Maze Bank - still have $20m left. The amount of in-game money I spent would be £1000 in Shark Cards... that's just mental.

I don't like to resort to cheating but the 4 months of legit grinding for pennies I did after the game's release I think is more than enough!

Reply
Kelvin Green link
11/6/2016 10:22:38 am

The thing with Pandemic Legacy is that you have to play it a lot to get the most out of it; it's designed with the assumption that you will play it every couple of weeks for a year.

Non-Legacy Pandemic doesn't have that assumption and is also excellent, so I would suggest that instead. If you end up loving it and want to play Pandemic all the time, then get the Legacy version.

Lords of Waterdeep is also excellent, far, far better than it should be.

Small World is good fun and is easy to play, and King of Tokyo is wonderful. Both are excellent introductions to board gaming.

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    This section will not be visible in live published website. Below are your current settings:


    Current Number Of Columns are = 2

    Expand Posts Area =

    Gap/Space Between Posts = 12px

    Blog Post Style = card

    Use of custom card colors instead of default colors = 1

    Blog Post Card Background Color = current color

    Blog Post Card Shadow Color = current color

    Blog Post Card Border Color = current color

    Publish the website and visit your blog page to see the results

    Picture
    Support Me on Ko-fi
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    RSS Feed Widget
    Picture

    Picture
    Tweets by @mrbiffo
    Picture
    Follow us on The Facebook

    Picture

    Archives

    December 2022
    May 2022
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    November 2020
    September 2020
    July 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014


    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.
  • MAIN PAGE
  • Features
  • Videos
  • Game Reviews
  • FAQ