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PANEL 4: 180 PIXELS OF PURE PLEASURE

25/3/2015

3 Comments

 
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By Jesse Ross
So. Battlefield Hardline is here, and it is 900p on PS4 and 720p on XB1. I for one am ENRAGED by this news. 

If you’re an XB1 owner like me you now have 180 LESS pixels than those dirty, scrubbing, "we have better hardware" PeeS4 owners. Let me break it down for you if you don’t think 180 pixels is that much of a big deal: 180 pixels is like a small amount of sand on your palm.

And if you’ve ever held a tiny pile of sand on your palm like most of us have on holiday after a horrible argument with your girlfriend who is walking into the sea as if she might eventually drown herself, you’ll know it’s quite an unnerving sensation.    

To try and explain to you bloody people what the difference 180peas makes to a gaming experience is quite frankly exasperating. Look, imagine your budget flat screen TV that you watch drunkenly from across the room has 20 per cent less pixels than your neighbours TV. How could you EVER enjoy a tv like that? You might think that at an average viewing distance of across a medium sized room it is negligible. You are WRONG.    

BULLSEYE
Waaan hundred and aighty! pixels could and probably WILL be used in a variety of horrifying, nightmarish ways. It is an entire 2002 YouTube clip of a cat crapping onto a photo of George W Bush’s 9/11 face. It is the broadcast-safe pixellation of a medium sized cock-and-balls at a distance of twenty metres. In terms of clarity it is the difference between an iPhone 4s and an iPhone 5. That is absolutely disgusting to me. 

It is repellent, like chard or raw beetroot. To be brutally frank, I think we should all be boycotting EA because they have clearly made technical concessions relating to specific hardware like the corporate illuminati they are. 
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Forget the superior controller the Xbox has, those extra 180 pixels are downright VITAL to the art style and performance of a fast-paced cops and robbers shooter. 

How in shit-coloured HELL are you going to make out the grain direction of a wooden fence as you drive by at 120mph in an armoured jeep, without the full 900p experience? 

How are you going to discern the precise mix of pain and humiliation on the face of your enemy as you stab him in the neck with a cleaver? Excuse my French, but c'est un PUTAIN de désastre absolu. 

PEABUSE
This is an utter, utter, utter disgrace that we have to be subjected to this kind of mental and sexual abuse from fat-cat, shape-shifting developers like EA. That’s the last time I use their irritatingly convenient Origin games store, or subscribe to their vault of suspiciously free AAA games. When are people going to stand up and fight against this removal of civil liberties? 

I DEMAND this 180p be reinstated into Hardline IMMEDIATELY, or I will boycott EA until they release Battlefield Bad Company 3 at 4K 120fps on XboxOne. There is no excuse for shoddy, lazy game development. Ever. It’s like racism. But with 180peas.

Yours, disgusted mature gamer with a BF4 K/D ratio of 0.31, a dormant hernia and 100% positive feedback on ebay.

FROM THE ARCHIVE:
  • PANEL 4: DESTINY IS NOT FOR ME by Mr Biffo
  • PANEL 4: DESTINY - GRIND OR GREAT? by Super Bad Advice
  • I WAS A BAFTA GAMES JUDGE by Mr Biffo

3 Comments
MrDrinks
25/3/2015 12:28:59 pm

I know this is a stupid argument/comparison but rather than 180 you're actually getting 518,400 less pixels when moving from 720p to 900p. Not that it'd be very noticeable unless you have a particularly huge TV.

Maybe this is intentional and I'm being an idiot..

Reply
icecream sunday
25/3/2015 02:39:03 pm

As a PC user is does seem a bit odd how far behind these consoles are in resolution terms so early in their lifes. For me 1440 is a really noticable difference in terms of improved visuals. As for the consoles it must be concerning for its users that notmalised ultra quality 4k pc gaming is 12-24 months away.

Reply
Reviewer 2457F
29/3/2015 03:13:20 pm

Top Work.

Reply



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