DIGITISER
  • MAIN PAGE
  • Features
  • Videos
  • Game Reviews
  • FAQ

OLD-ISH GAME: HERE - REVIEW: Bayonetta 2 (Wii U)

3/3/2015

4 Comments

 
Picture
Review by 'Super Bad Advice'

There’s a weird condition called synaesthesia that makes your brain interpret all the stuff oozing into it in a wronged-up manner – you can see smells, taste colours, hear feelings, and when you drink water it literally turns into gin in your gullet.

“Why I mention this?”, you may grunt. 

Because something akin to Bayonetta 2 is probably what someone with synaesthesia would experience if they ate a bin full of rancid habañeros whilst listening to drum & bass in the paint aisle of their local Homebase. It’s so flamboyant it makes Lady Gaga look like a slab of damp tofu.

Picture
Bayonetta 2 is about killing increasingly unhinged monsters with ever-more preposterous attacks, set pieces, pyrotechnics and trademark game mechanics... like the slow-mo ‘witch time’ that allows liberal application of slaps a-plenty. 

How preposterous are we talking about? Well, in one bit the protagonist’s dress is slashed off before she fights a load of freakish winged horse/man lumps on top of a jet fighter flying through New York, to the strains of a remix of crooner classic ‘Moon River’. And all that happens in the first 5 minutes.

There’s a story, though good luck following it. It seems to revolve around your sister/fellow witch being dragged off to Hell and you setting out to rescue her. Quite frankly she could have just buggered off to Doncaster and you’d be none the wiser. This isn’t exactly The Last of Us though, so thankfully a cohesive plot doesn’t especially matter.


Picture
SEMI-NUDE
Remarkably, Nintendo of all people – given the adventures of a foul-mouthed, semi-nude, violent occultist is about as far away from their usual family-friendly fare as it gets – rescued this game from cancellation after repeat-blundering imbeciles (you’ve guessed it) Sega decided they didn’t want it anymore; this, despite the near-universal acclaim the first game scooped up. 

And it’s a big filthy smooch on Ninty’s collective, wobbling lips for jumping in and saving it, because it’s bloody brilliant. Absolutely batshit mental, but brilliant nonetheless. It’s a strange sensation literally having no idea what you’re doing or what’s going on, while at the same time feeling in complete control as you shoot/stab ‘thingies’. 


As ever, Platinum Games deliver a cracking experience that rewards spot-on timing with your attacks and parries, but this can be (mercifully) dialled down to be less demanding if you don’t happen to have the reflexes of a bluebottle.

LINEAR
You could describe Bayonetta 2 as a linear arcade-action game, but that’s underselling it on par with saying GTA is basically Pac-Man with guns and prostitutes. 


Even looking at screenshots will probably make your head hurt because there’s so much going on. In fact, the occasional dodgy texture aside, it’s remarkable the Wii U doesn’t burst into flames given the amount of stuff it’s having to shift about the screen (all looking glorious while doing so) – you’ll usually only go a few minutes at most before another unique, screen-filling boss encounter turns up. 

Actually, that more or less sums up the game nicely, so I’ll leave it here – it’s almost all set piece and no filler. It’s the gaming equivalent of fillet steak and chips, where the chips are also made of steak, as is the plate, and the knife and fork, and the waiter, and also your trousers. 


Go and gorge yourself until you prolapse, fatty.

OVERALL: 14.7 out of 0.003

FROM THE ARCHIVE:
REVIEW: Dead or Alive 5 - Last Round (PS4/Xbox One)
REVIEW: Majora's Mask 3D (3DS)
REVIEW: Captain Toad Treasure Tracker (Wii U)

4 Comments
Old Red
3/3/2015 04:27:48 am

I find this review to be agreeable. That is all.

Reply
Simon
3/3/2015 05:57:30 am

Liked the game but couldn't stand those MGS length cutscenes or the terrible characters. I hated that Enzo from the first game and then they went and added that kid with the bad accent....killed the game for me

Reply
drunkndandy
3/3/2015 11:55:25 am

That's the best review I have read in ages!

Reply
djdavis
27/1/2017 08:53:24 am

14,7 / 0,003...... 4.900,00! Woow, that means a gigantic rating:

49.000,00 out of 10,00!!

Very well deserved for a super game like Bayonetta 2!

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    This section will not be visible in live published website. Below are your current settings:


    Current Number Of Columns are = 2

    Expand Posts Area =

    Gap/Space Between Posts = 12px

    Blog Post Style = card

    Use of custom card colors instead of default colors = 1

    Blog Post Card Background Color = current color

    Blog Post Card Shadow Color = current color

    Blog Post Card Border Color = current color

    Publish the website and visit your blog page to see the results

    Picture
    Support Me on Ko-fi
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    RSS Feed Widget
    Picture

    Picture
    Tweets by @mrbiffo
    Picture
    Follow us on The Facebook

    Picture

    Archives

    December 2022
    May 2022
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    November 2020
    September 2020
    July 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014


    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.
  • MAIN PAGE
  • Features
  • Videos
  • Game Reviews
  • FAQ