Greetings, dudes! I'm Kylo Minogue, the gnarly space ace from the new Star Wars movie, The Force Is Around You. Cowabungalungaloo! Though the film is still months away, it can't have escaped your attention that today is Force Friday - the day that shops start selling all sorts of old Star Wars tie-in tat.
To ensure you don't miss out on any of the great goodies and collectibles, which are sure to almost double in value over the years to come, here's a handy checklist.
Now let's all shout my catchphrase. After me on the count of three... 3... 2... 1... "Very, very good - one pound fish!".
To ensure you don't miss out on any of the great goodies and collectibles, which are sure to almost double in value over the years to come, here's a handy checklist.
Now let's all shout my catchphrase. After me on the count of three... 3... 2... 1... "Very, very good - one pound fish!".
CHEWBACCA HAIR-FACE PRANK SOAP
Star Wars fans from ages eight to eighty six-and-a-half will quiver and choke with delight as they prank their friends and relations with this crazy joke soap, which causes "space hair" (disgusting furry mold) to erupt from their skin and eyeballs!
KYLO REN ANT VACUUM SEALER
You can pretend you're placing ants in carbonite when you vacuum seal them with the Kylo Ren Ant Vacuum Sealer kit - which comes complete with a picture of Kylo Ren's hat on the box, and three probably dead ants! They won't survive the sealing process!
HAN SOLO HAN(D) WASH
Your han(d)s will be out-of-this-world clean with this Han(d) Solo-style anti-bacterial han(d) wash, which has a painting of Han(d) Solo's fanny on the bottle.
LUKE SKYWALKER TALKING PROGRESS CHECKER
How's your progress going? If only there was some way you could tell... and now there is! Refer to this Star Wars-style talking progress checker, and hear the actual voice of Luke Skywalker telling you how your progress is doing. "Your progress is going great"... "Progress not so good"... "Today you have made a reasonable amount of progress"... etc.
BB-8 CLEATS
Who is BB-8? Why, he's the ball-shaped robot son of R2-D2 and C3-PO. Why should that matter to you? Because there's a picture of him printed on these bloody cleats! Instructions not included.
RUDYARD KIPLING TALKING ACTION FIGURE
A Rudyard Kipling action figure tying into The Force Awakens? What can this mean? Nobody seems to know, but... well... there you go. WARNING: this toy is not suitable for children, and has not been officially endorsed by the Kipling estate.
CAPTAIN PHASMA CAP-FIRING PISTOL
Captain Phasma's the shiny silver boss of the Stormtroopers, and you'll be the boss of your household with this cap-firing pistol, that flings real baseball caps hard into the unwitting faces of your spouse, children, and lodgers.
POE DAMERON'S OOZING X-WING
This scale replica of the X-Wing star fighter flown by Resistance pilot Poe Dameron slowly oozes real fat from its engines when you keep the button pressed. When the ship's all out of fat, just scoop it up and thumb it back in the cockpit! Hours of fun for kids and creeps alike!
Star Wars fans from ages eight to eighty six-and-a-half will quiver and choke with delight as they prank their friends and relations with this crazy joke soap, which causes "space hair" (disgusting furry mold) to erupt from their skin and eyeballs!
KYLO REN ANT VACUUM SEALER
You can pretend you're placing ants in carbonite when you vacuum seal them with the Kylo Ren Ant Vacuum Sealer kit - which comes complete with a picture of Kylo Ren's hat on the box, and three probably dead ants! They won't survive the sealing process!
HAN SOLO HAN(D) WASH
Your han(d)s will be out-of-this-world clean with this Han(d) Solo-style anti-bacterial han(d) wash, which has a painting of Han(d) Solo's fanny on the bottle.
LUKE SKYWALKER TALKING PROGRESS CHECKER
How's your progress going? If only there was some way you could tell... and now there is! Refer to this Star Wars-style talking progress checker, and hear the actual voice of Luke Skywalker telling you how your progress is doing. "Your progress is going great"... "Progress not so good"... "Today you have made a reasonable amount of progress"... etc.
BB-8 CLEATS
Who is BB-8? Why, he's the ball-shaped robot son of R2-D2 and C3-PO. Why should that matter to you? Because there's a picture of him printed on these bloody cleats! Instructions not included.
RUDYARD KIPLING TALKING ACTION FIGURE
A Rudyard Kipling action figure tying into The Force Awakens? What can this mean? Nobody seems to know, but... well... there you go. WARNING: this toy is not suitable for children, and has not been officially endorsed by the Kipling estate.
CAPTAIN PHASMA CAP-FIRING PISTOL
Captain Phasma's the shiny silver boss of the Stormtroopers, and you'll be the boss of your household with this cap-firing pistol, that flings real baseball caps hard into the unwitting faces of your spouse, children, and lodgers.
POE DAMERON'S OOZING X-WING
This scale replica of the X-Wing star fighter flown by Resistance pilot Poe Dameron slowly oozes real fat from its engines when you keep the button pressed. When the ship's all out of fat, just scoop it up and thumb it back in the cockpit! Hours of fun for kids and creeps alike!
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