After 50 years of convincing girls that thin is in, Mattel is trying a new approach to Barbie; you'll soon be able to buy the iconic doll in a variety of different body shapes - including 'curvy'. Additionally, Barbie will also be available in a number of new "empowering and imaginative" roles - a spy, president, vice-president, fashionista, and - get this - game developer. What other Barbies might Mattel be considering in a bid to bring the brand up to date? Digitiser2000 has speculated so that you don't have to. VLOGGER BARBIE Now every girl can live out their empowered narcissistic dreams, with Vlogger Barbie. She comes with her own selfie stick, drone, and ghost-written novel. Press the button on her back and she'll complain about all the fans hanging around outside her house, before singing the praises of her sponsors! And don't forget to subscribe, everyone! INTERNET TROLL BARBIE Equipped with both laptop and smartphone, Internet Troll Barbie is all set and ready to send abusive messages whenever the urge takes her! Way to feel empowered, girl! INSTAGRAM BARBIE Instagram Barbie comes with her own miniature cappuccino - which she'll be able to photograph from almost any angle. And after she's done that - she can call an Uber to take her to the next coffee shop, and check how many likes she got! Empowering! GENDER NEUTRAL BARBIE Nobody gets left out with Gender Neutral Barbie - the doll that's for everyone who wants to feel empowered, no matter what they've got going on downstairs! DEAD BARBIE All good things must come to an end, and that includes Barbie's life. Dead Barbie comes in her own beautiful presentation coffin, so Ken and her other mostly white friends can pay their respects. Is there anything more empowering than death? NO! EUROTRAVELLER BARBIE Planning a trip to Cologne, but worried about asylum seeker sex attacks? Then this is the Barbie for you! Concealed within her body are a number of different blades - suitably for any personal emergency. Plus, pull on her leg and she emits an empowering rape alarm, while pepper spray spurts from her lips. Sponsored by The Daily Mail. ZERO HOURS CONTRACT BARBIE Just because you failed your GCSEs doesn't mean you can't get a job - and Zero Hours Contract Barbie proves that! And what's more - she's a working mother; she comes with her 3 year-old daughter, Kelly, who can hide out in the storeroom while Barbie serves customers in an empowered way. Sponsored by The Daily Mail. RED LIGHT DISTRICT BARBIE A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do, and what can be more empowering than selling your body to make ends meet? Red Light District Barbie arrives in her own presentation window so that potential customers can see her. GENETICALLY MODIFIED BARBIE The sea levels are rising, and we're all going to have to adapt - even Barbie! This perversion of nature is half thin white girl, half disgusting sea creature. Way empowering! CHESTBURSTER BARBIE Swallow the Barbie Eggstm and six hours later a fully-grown Barbie will burst forth from your torso, immediately both killing and empowering you! It's your body - and up to you what you do with it!
15 Comments
Pomp du la pomp
29/1/2016 01:25:43 pm
To be truly empowered, they need to make a Randi Harper online activist Barbie.
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Admiral Spiney O'Sullivan
29/1/2016 02:11:23 pm
I think the question on every gamer's lips is how this will affect the next Barbie Horse Adventures.
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lilock3
29/1/2016 03:52:29 pm
It's depressing to think that my childhood was so long ago that it was in a time when the (not real) Chip-Pan Barbie / Fireman Ken double-pack was still considered acceptable and not disempowering to women in any way.
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Superbeast 37
30/1/2016 09:08:19 am
To be fully inclusive we need the morbidly obese Barbie.
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Dirty Barry
30/1/2016 11:32:58 am
+1 megalols
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combat_honey
31/1/2016 08:13:05 am
Wasn't aware that there was crossover between Digi readers and mouthbreathing, sexist, 'political correctness gone mad' types. Oh well.
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Mr Biffo
31/1/2016 09:01:34 am
:-(
Superbeast 37
31/1/2016 10:09:55 am
Using "mouth breathing" as an ad hominem pejorative attack is incredibly ableist.
combat_honey
31/1/2016 12:57:01 pm
Wasn't aware of the history and connotations of the term. Will try to remember not to use it in the future. Thanks for the info, bro.
combat_honey
31/1/2016 12:59:40 pm
Sorry, Biffo. Wish I hadn't posted that now. I realise you probably want to keep Digi free from this kind of crap, regardless of which side of the argument it's coming from.
Superbeast 37
31/1/2016 02:01:05 pm
@combat_honey - I was just making a satirical joke about something that is being pushed at the moment through these dolls. It is not "crap" and neither is it "sexist" but actually a serious and *relevant* issue that people should discuss.
Admiral Spiney O'Sullivan
31/1/2016 04:32:34 pm
This is your fault, combat honey.
Superbeast 37
31/1/2016 06:48:12 pm
Have you seen the "curvy" barbie? The upper arms are still unrealistically thin and don't feature the mini bingo wings that you would expect to see!
Chris
30/1/2016 10:01:08 am
Is it only me who thinks Game Developer Barbie is cute?
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