My favourite episode of The A Team? The one where I refused to get on a plane, of course! Hilare!
Recently, I've expanded the remit of my popular problem page to help those who require assistance and advice with their consumer technology. Without further much ado about nothing... let's bring on the problems!
Dear Mr T,
A friend of mine recently gave my boyfriend a set of speakers and a projector screen. Can you recommend a good quality HD projector so we can get a proper home cinema set-up going?
MR T SAYS: "Oh dear, Ms Peach! I'm afraid I don't know anything about home cinema systems, let alone be able to recommend a projector. I've had the same 20" television for the past ten years, and found it works perfectly adequately for me (although the teletext button on the remote no longer seems to function, and I'm struggling to find a suitable replacement on the eBay).
"However, I feel I should WARN you that if YOU ever move IN next door TO ME, and have a LATE night party, with music and chattering and CLINKING glasses, while I am TRYING to watch a BOX-set of 'Andrew MARR's History OF Britain', I will use a RAM to smash A hole in the wall BETWEEN our homes, and thrust my FIST through it INTO your house, and WAVE it all AROUND in a very MENACING fashion. I have warned YOU once. And now I SHALL warn you ONCE again: do NOT party whilst Mr T MARRs."
Dear Mr T,
Can you recommend a decent-spec laptop below £500? Basically, I'm working with a limited budget, but I want something I can play games on.
Thanks in advance,
MR T SAYS: "You've come to the wrong person for this one I'm afraid, Prance. I barely know the first thing about computers. Call me old-fashioned if you must, but I've still got one of those big old chunky desktop ones from the mid-90s, and a dial-up modem. Between you and me, I'm still using the Netscape Navigator! Do you remember the Hamster Dance page? I don't have to - I'm watching it right now!
"Unfortunately for you, however, I've been reading up recently on CYBERSTALKING and ONLINE trolling. Given that you somehow SEEM to know my EMAIL address, I can ONLY conclude that you are one of these so-called CYBORG TROLLIES, and intend to FLAME ME on my interNET. Should you PERSEVERE with this COURSE of action AGAINST me, I will have no CHOICE but to look UP your address on 192.com, come to YOUR house, PUSH IN your door, and staple old PARSLEY to your face, HANDS and HIPS. Troll me AT your peril. Troll ME and I shall PARSLEY you."
Dear Mr T,
WHY U CONTRIBUTE NOTHING AN U ALWAAYS RHUSHING 2 PUT CCOKK UP BUMS LMFAOO??
MR T SAYS: "It's always a pleasure to hear from a fan, Mr T Fann 1994! All the best for 2015 and beyond!"