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MR BIFFO'S BRAIN-DUMP: TRYING TO UNDERSTAND WHY I'M CURRENTLY BORED OF GAMES

26/9/2019

19 Comments

 
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I'm a bit off games at the minute. Do you ever go through periods where games just don't interest you, where it all just seems such an unimportant waste of time?

​I've been dipping in and out of Untitled Goose Game and Link's Awakening on my Switch, and there are some new games on the Oculus Quest that I'll probably - possibly - have a crack at this weekend, but the thought of writing about them on here fills me with ennui.

Worse still, I've got Borderlands 3 sitting in its shrink-wrap, and can't face booting it up... and I've still not played Rage 2. The size of them is part of what's putting me off, but the familiarity is also a factor. I think I'm just a bit over open worlds, and sci-fi, and apocalyptic settings. I can't muster the enthusiasm to engage with them.

​They don't seem to matter to me at the moment. It feels like an endless procession of identikit games and sequels, and I need a bit of air before I indulge in another. 

It's not something I'm overly concerned about. I get this from time to time, and I know the cycle will come around again where I'm chomping at the sausage to write about games again, and losing an entire weekend playing them. Something will be released which gets me excited about their potential, and I'll find it impossible not to talk about them.

A larger part of my issue is - and I'm going to try hard for this not to become a "Please give me your sympathy" whinge - but I've had a really tough year. The toughest year I've had for the best part of a decade, and when a lot of real-world stuff happens, games somehow seem less important to me.

​I guess it puts it all into perspective. Games, unlike more passive forms of entertainment, require more of me than I'm able to give right now.
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THE WOE-GOS CATALOGUE
I'm hoping this doesn't read as a catalogue of woe, because I don't think it's always healthy to splash your brain-mess all over the internet. It's something I hold back from doing generally - and when I do it's usually on my private-ish Patreon posts.

The minute you start doing it, and get sympathy back, it can become kind of addictive. There's a real culture of victimhood these days that I find troubling, and I'm a firm believer that we all need to own our shit, and that you're never going to get a long-term fix by sharing it and clamouring for the compassion of strangers. At best you might get a brief dopamine boost. At worst, it becomes your identity. 

Plus, it sometimes feels kind of exploitative to me. Most people are inherently kind, and that rescuing instinct is in all of us. Lord knows that I have to work to suppress mine - it took the best part of two-and-a-half years of training to be a counsellor for me to realise that rescuing is more about the rescuer trying to feel better.

What's more, as hard as it is to see somebody who appears to be in discomfort, and not extend a helping hand, propping someone up with sympathy sometimes stops them from hitting the rock bottom they need to get reach in order to help themselves. 

Anyhow... writing is kind of in my DNA. I work things out by writing. My brain is a lukewarm bowl of ADHD spaghetti - I tend to process on instinct - and writing forces me to get things down in a linear way. I overwrite, because I make sense of what I'm writing as I write. 

And it seems overdue that I look at what's lead me to a point where games, currently, don't seem very important to me. 

EARLIER THIS YEAR...
It started earlier this year with the death of one of the young cast members on one of my CBBC shows. It happened, rather horribly, as a very public news story, and I had members of the press trying to contact me for a quote, wanting to know all the grisly details.

Having already written scripts with her character at the heart of them, I then had to go through removing her from stories, and we had to work out how to address the character's absences sensitively in a show that's aimed at kids (all of whom would know the real story). It was a pretty grim task.

Since then, my uncle died suddenly last month (and it was me who had the unpleasant task of having to tell my parents). Then my sister's ex-husband - the closest I ever got to having a big brother, and one of the most important influences in my formative years - took his own life, bringing up a whole load of emotional baggage. Then recently my dad was hospitalised with a suspected heart attack (most likely because he was so upset over his brother dying).

Though it doesn't impact me directly - but just adds to the general vibe of 2019 - my best friend's father-in-law died this week, the day after my ex-brother-in-law.

On top of that, I've had a few other things happening, which haven't exactly been a ray of sunshine, Having three kids, and three step-kids, and elderly parents, and a huge extended family... there's always some reason to be worried about one of them.

Plus, as I'm sure I have moaned about already, I've worked harder in the past 18 months than I ever have before - and was very late in getting paid for most it, which added some extra stress.

Consequently, I'm just about ready to sleep for a month, and do as little as possible. The depth and involved nature of most modern games means I can't quite face them right now.

I'm pretty resilient. I mean, I've been through worse years. Even so, I'm at a point now where I'm looking at reviews and news on other gaming sites, and just thinking how pointless it all is. I don't like that I'm feeling this way, but gamers have a tendency to get so worked up about the smallest things that it's colouring how I feel about games as a whole; compared to all of the above, I couldn't care less about Diablo 3 or the latest Fortnite controversy.
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AMIGA OWNERS WERE THE WORST
I know gamers were always like this. I've written about games for almost 27 years, and since the day Digitiser launched we were getting contacted by angry, entitled, gamers.

They were mostly Amiga owners in the early days, demanding we cover their stupid, almost-dead, computer. When people say that entitled fanbases are a new thing, I'd like to draw their attention to what happened to Digi, where we had people writing and calling our bosses demanding we be fired.

Admittedly, we didn't help matters, because we'd call these people rude names, but such is the Digitiser way.

I understand that what matters to one person doesn't matter to another. I know that when some gamer gets up in arms about, oh I dunno, stuff... that to them it's life-and-death. There's a certain laser-focused blinkeredness which is rife in the gaming community, and I worry that for many people gaming is the be-all and end-all of their existence.

​It's a replacement for a real life. They will adopt a cause, an issue - even a console - as their identity, and when that's threatened... it's sometimes why they get so madly angry. They can't see the bigger picture, because sometimes - for them - there isn't a bigger picture. 

I do still have a knee-jerk reaction of irritation when it does occur, though usually these days, I'll at least try to take a breath and remind myself that I'm not inside their head. Most of us struggle to know ourselves, let alone other people. Alright, in the grand scheme of things I might not care much about, y'know, microtransactions in the new Mario Kart mobile game, but that doesn't mean it isn't legitimately important to some.

It does, however, make me feel a couple of steps removed from the concerns of most in the gaming community. 
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ZX SPECTRUM
Since one of my kids was diagnosed with autism it's a condition I've become much more aware of. Yes, there's that old, woefully simplistic, adage that we're all somewhere on the spectrum, but we can never quite know how a person is wired. The nature vs nurture debate gets more complicated when you factor in just how many people might not be neurotypical.

I mean, take it from somebody who knows first-hand; some autistic people can be bloody scary. Upset an autistic person at your peril! 

Even so I need to stress that this isn't in any way a criticism, just an observation based on experience. Some of the most interesting people I know are autistic. They view the world in a way that I find fascinating, and kind of beautiful. Yet since becoming more familiar with what constitutes autism, I see traits in so many gamers. And, in fact, tons of people in the public eye, and even friends and family members. I try to be more forgiving - or at least understanding - in those instances. 

So, where am I going with this? I dunno really. It's a ramble of a brain-dump. What I think I'm trying to do is give myself permission to be off games at the moment, and not feel too guilty about it. Or not feel too guilty that I roll my eyes when some new games-related issue has people up in arms.

I'm trying to see it from both sides; just because this year has left me feeling as if games are kind of pointless and dull, that doesn't mean my point-of-view is more valid than those who remain rabid, passionate, or entitled. 

There's already way to much thinking that our own worldview is the only one that's right.
19 Comments
Ian link
26/9/2019 12:16:31 pm

I was the same after losing my dad in early 2018. Took me a while to see joy in anything for a while. I was just exhausted dealing with so much stuff and making sure my mum was alright. Games seemed a frivolity that I didn't need at times, but I think I ultimately realised I needed them after all.

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Johnny Blanchard link
26/9/2019 12:20:39 pm

Gaming and it's culture has moved on quite a lot since it was at it's height for me. It's changed in both good and bad ways. I chose to drop out of it a few years back and i've not regretted the decision. I surround myself with machines and games from the period that I enjoyed the most.

I no way am I saying games have got worse, it's more that it evolved in a direction that didn't really sync with me. That said I still maintain a decent enough PC so I can play VR and i'm partial to an Elder Scrolls or Fallout game (not 76 though, again it's not what i'm personally looking for in a game).

I've also got a large family, outside of close blood relatives (of which there are many), I have 2 children and 4 grandchildren between them. There is always something to be concerned about, recently my mother had an operation on her leg and it was a pit of worry that kicked off another bout of depression, one I had to hide because my mother being who she is would have then started worrying about me whilst she was recovering from her more important physical injury.

Life is tough and nobody should ever feel bad about feeling like they want to hide every now and then.

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Sedric-and-Charlie
26/9/2019 12:25:16 pm

I think perhaps I like the idea of games more than I often like games. It's fun to see people play them. It's fun to hear about weird secrets hidden in them or crazy glitches or the stories of how games got made or of what games COULD have been if this or that thing had fallen the right way for it. But you know, Sonic Mania was the first time I'd been excited for Sonic in nearly twenty years and I played that for two weeks and haven't since. I've put more energy into writing accounts of fictional arcade cabinets than I have actually gaming in the last two years

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Wapojif
26/9/2019 12:59:11 pm

Yeah, it’s been a crap year—politically, economically, and everything else. The worst for me was visiting a long-term online friend in America and then it emerged she’s obviously a covert narcissist. And something of an unhinged, vile lunatic.

But I’ve kept playing games and writing, plus my YouTube addiction is a welcome thing. Most AAAs don’t interest me, but indie games provide welcome and charming relief.

Ori and the Blind Forest is out on the Switch tomorrow and that thing is a masterpiece I’m going to love going through again, plus finally getting Link’s Awakening tomorrow. That and Skyrim have taken my mind off a lot of gubbins.

I take most solace in creativity, with me blogging and writing. Without that lot I’d be lost, which is something you covered on your YouTube channel with Gannon and the others a while back. So it seems to be a common way to alleviate issues.

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Mista Bob Dobbalina
26/9/2019 12:59:59 pm

I am kinda in the same place myself, maybe its a middle aged gamer thing. Having grown up with the games industry, I have been playing video/computer games since the beginning and pretty much seen and played it all. So seems natural to be a bit jaded at some point by it all.

Also doesn't help that having a disposable income you can pretty much have any game you want, free games are on offer all the time and there SO BLOODY MANY new games coming out week in week out, that its overwhelming. I have at least 400 games in my collection and I play 3.

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Mr.S
26/9/2019 01:33:23 pm

Having grown up with games that throw you right into them, without hours of tutorials/scene setting etc. I find I don’t have time to invest in them anymore. I’m sure I’ve mentioned before that Mr.J(the wife) also enjoys use of the television so I can’t hog it as much as I’d like.
And it’s hard to find something that stands out amongst the crowds of post apocalyptic future zombie space fantasy games. Last one I got into was Fallout 4, I guess it’s like a good takeaway - you find a brand/franchise/shop you like and just stick with it

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Ian
26/9/2019 06:16:18 pm

But you don't want Chinese every day time you want a takeaway though surely? Or curry either. Oh ghee, so many choices.

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Guru Larry link
26/9/2019 02:38:17 pm

The reason I don't do modern gaming reviews anymore on my YouTube channel is that the gaming industry has turned into McDonalds, the anticipation of looking forward to a title, gets released, finished in a week, then move on to the next one.

So, there's only a two week window at best where a video will have any interest at all, before it drops dead and you constantly have to keep churning more.

Making "evergreen" content is just far wiser in this day and age.

I also think the internet has destroyed the fun in gaming, back in the '80s/'90s you were drip fed info about upcoming games in magazines, and had to wait till the next month to know any more. Now it's just constant noise from all directions 24/7, to the point you literlly think you've already finished the game as you know so much about it and are sick and tired about an endless barage of information.

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CdrJameson
26/9/2019 02:43:43 pm

Sounds like you really need a holiday!
Why not take a holiday?

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Leon Cox link
26/9/2019 03:50:11 pm

Just a HUG.

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Ivenne link
26/9/2019 04:47:48 pm

"There's a real culture of victimhood these days that I find troubling, and I'm a firm believer that we all need to own our shit".

I share these sentiments. That said, I'm wishing you all the best, you had quite a year of ups and downs! Life can be 'funny' that way, throwing everything at you at the same time. Take care!

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MB
26/9/2019 06:41:17 pm

Interesting insight, thanks for sharing with us. Genuinely appreciated.

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deadbyday1978 link
27/9/2019 08:28:43 am

Yeah I get the same ennui ( look it up children the word of the day) every now and then. I think like others say its being an "adult" I have lots of disposible money. Bundles have ment my steam game list is ( fuck sake really?) 4303 games. Hundreds on GOG, origin and uplay.
Then there is the rom situation. ( just.....fuck so much)

When I was a lad I had about 100 pirated Amiga games. Now I have so much to play that I do not have time to look at everything. And because time is limited, I wonder " is it worth playing this?....is there something better out here?"
So I end up not playing anything. And sad that what has always been my no.1 entertainment medium has became a millstone round my neck.

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Darrel
27/9/2019 10:28:10 am

I never realised that Amiga owners were so needy and had the piss taken out of them so badly, I thought it was just a community of people who copied games left right and centre.

I get your point about games though, sometimes you just want to have a quick mindless blast with no consequences of cocking up progress or getting stuck into something that requires thought - play gta vice city and shoot some shit up, that'll see you reet.

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kyle
5/10/2019 04:25:53 pm

It was because the Amiga was so popular for so long but fell out of the mainstream so fast, without any warning at all.

Even in the last few months of it's life, the CD32 was the best selling CD system in the country despite not having any good games - and then the american parent company suddenly and spectacularly went bankrupt.

So you had a lot of people who'd got massively invested in the platform, bought A1200s, bought monitors and printers and hard drives, and they woke up one morning and discovered their local computer shop had gone from being rammed full of amigas to being rammed full of expensive PCs and having maybe three budget games in on a clearance shelf.

After nine years each better than the last they'd found themselves suddenly betamaxed.

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Mr Bass
3/10/2019 02:29:31 pm

I'm glad you're going out of your way to ask for no sympathy because you'll have none from me. Games are frivolities which we should be able to take or leave depending on our moods. They are toys, and should be treated as such - not to say there aren't a whole raft of benefits that can be gained from playing games because they are.
The one thing I do take exception to is your insistance on belittling people by calling them "entitled". This is an opinion, of course, and you're absolutely ENTITLED to it.

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Mr Trebble
3/10/2019 02:44:02 pm

Welll you suck big balls Mr Bass. I think this article is absolutely on point and you're just a great big killjoy.

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Mr Mid
3/10/2019 02:44:50 pm

I have sympathy for both points of view.

Matt
4/10/2019 06:04:22 pm

When life hit me hard, I too put games to one side.
Family deaths, close family members turning out to be psycopaths, buisnesses failing, cheating wife, divorce - all the stuff we have to face at some point. Or not, hopefully.
Anyways, I missed everything from Dreamcast to PS4.
I got out of the habit and focused on, well... life.
Forgot games existed really.
Until things settled down and I returned to games with a PS4 and I got quite emotional at how things had moved on so much and how a really good game was better than any film I had watched.
I found myself through games again just in the way music or indeed any work of art can call to an individual.
Sounds like you need a holiday alright. Both from games and life in general.
But a good game will always be there for all of us when we're ready for it.

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