DIGITISER
  • MAIN PAGE
  • Features
  • Videos
  • Game Reviews
  • FAQ

MISSION: STEALTH - With Solid Snake

24/9/2015

5 Comments

 
Picture
"Good day to you, sir or madam (I'm not a sexist). My name is Solid Snake, or Big Boss, or Ahab, or... I dunno. I JUST DON'T KNOW. I'm as confused as the rest of you, and I'm actually him. 

"Basically, I'm that guy who is in all the Metal Gear Solid games who has the eyepatch, and the cardboard box, who likes doing hiding and stealth and that. In fact... you could say 'Stealth is my middle name'...! But that would be a lie (my middle name is Stool, unfortunately).

"I, like many of you, am aware that we recently passed the Autumn Equinox, talking us into the season that Americans like to call 'The Fall'. Consequently, you're no doubt going to be attending a harvest festival of some sort of in the coming weeks. 

"Therefore, it's around this time of year people often come up to me in the supermarket or sauna and say 'Hello, Snake. Allow me to introduce myself. My name is James Richardson, and I have a question for you - how can I do stealth at a harvest festival, Snake? Please tell me, Snake. Yours sincerely, James Richardson (Mrs)'.

"Well, I'm so sick of that happening that I've put together this handy guide. Read this and there'll be no excuse for not hiding at a Harvest Festival! LOL! I have terrible depth perception."

SCENARIO 1 
Picture
"Hey: check it out. There's a whole bunch of cardboard boxes there. Hello, old friends! So, can you guess where I'm gonna hide? WRONG. I'm gonna stretch my arms out wide, and hide behind that crucifix. It's all about the stealth, 'bout the stealth, no trouble! Love that song."
SCENARIO 2
Picture
"Doesn't look like there are many hiding places here does it? WRONG. I can immediately see at least one... three... nine hiding places. But which would I choose if I was being hunted by some tough army guys, or just felt like being rather stealthy for a bit? I'll tell you where: I'd put some of those flowers on my face, and lay on the floor pretending to be a vase. It's called camouflage. You might've heard of it. FML!"
SCENARIO 3
Picture
"So, you think hiding in a bale of hay is the way to go, huh? Who do you think I am - that guy out of Assassin's Creed, or some kinda haylord? There's only one discovery-proof way of hiding in this picture - and that's by somehow crawling inside one of those aubergine-marrow things, and staying in there until the coast is clear. They're courgettes? I dunno what they are. I'm a super stealth guy - not a greengrocer. If I'd wanted to be a greengrocer I'd have gone to vegetable school."
SCENARIO 4
Picture
"Hiding in plain sight on a high school stage might not seem like the best place to do some stealth, but you'd be surprised how people can miss things that are right in front of their face. One time, I had a pigeon flapping mere inches front of my nose for about four hours, and only noticed when Revolver Ocelot pointed it out to me. So, if I had to do some stealth in this scene I'd probably turn myself into a tin of beans, using some cool magic an' ting."
SCENARIO 5
Picture
"Hmm. This is a tricky one... PSYCHE! It isn't tricky at all! I'd just hide behind that weird loaf of bread object, and if anyone came over and asked me what I was doing, I'd bop them on the nose! LOL! Ha ha ha!"
SCENARIO 6
Picture
"You'd be surprised how difficult it is to hide in a situation that's full of pumpkins... so if I was there I'd take the only option open to me: remove myself from the field of conflict, by booking the first available flight to somewhere like Malta, or... one of those countries  - basically, somewhere with lots of hiding places. Then they'd never find me! They'd be all like 'Where's Snake? Is he in the pumpkins?'. No - I'm in Malta, you loser!".
SCENARIO 7 
Picture
"See all those kids? If I was there I wouldn't even bother doing stealth. I'd just strut up and down in front of them, asking how cool they thought I looked. Kids love it when cool guys like me show off in front of them - and I'd perform of my super-skill moves, like the roly-poly, and backwards roly-poly. And I wouldn't stop doing it until the kids applauded and chanted my name. Wicked!"
FROM THE ARCHIVE:
  • MEGA-QUIZ 5 BILLION - Presented by a G... G... GHOST!
  • SMILE! WE IMAGINE HOW THE GAME DESIGNERS BRUSH THEIR TEETH
  • 10 MIND-BLOWING THINGS YOU'VE NEVER SEEN IN A VIDEO GAME, PROBABLY
5 Comments
EssBen
24/9/2015 02:10:04 pm

Number 4 looks like a hay face man is sicking up veg.

Reply
Chris
24/9/2015 07:17:50 pm

I cuss you bad.

Reply
Lewis link
25/9/2015 11:36:30 am

Amazing. I'm still laughing at 'Malta'.

Reply
Mr Biffo
25/9/2015 02:26:01 pm

Get in the box.

Reply
Omniresonant link
25/9/2015 03:08:04 pm

I once hid holograms of Hulk Hogan inside 7.2% of the world's melons.

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    This section will not be visible in live published website. Below are your current settings:


    Current Number Of Columns are = 2

    Expand Posts Area =

    Gap/Space Between Posts = 12px

    Blog Post Style = card

    Use of custom card colors instead of default colors = 1

    Blog Post Card Background Color = current color

    Blog Post Card Shadow Color = current color

    Blog Post Card Border Color = current color

    Publish the website and visit your blog page to see the results

    Picture
    Support Me on Ko-fi
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    RSS Feed Widget
    Picture

    Picture
    Tweets by @mrbiffo
    Picture
    Follow us on The Facebook

    Picture

    Archives

    December 2022
    May 2022
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    November 2020
    September 2020
    July 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014


    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.
  • MAIN PAGE
  • Features
  • Videos
  • Game Reviews
  • FAQ