MARIO KART 8: NEW STUFF IMMINENT

Mario: Super-Ponce

In all honestly, we've probably not enjoyed any Mario Kart as much as we enjoyed the very first one, way back on the SNES. Oh, we're happy to concede that the series has probably gotten "better" - whatever that abstract word even means - and that Mario Kart 8 is the very pinnacle of what a Mario Kart game can be. 

But still... forget Mario Kart - we've never enjoyed any racing game as much as we did speeding around those tiny, Mode-7, battle arenas, trying to burst one another's balloons. 

Pffffffffft-wheeeeee!

Anyway. Whatever. We don't care if you think we're idiots. But you might care that Nintendo has unveiled its latest Mario Kart 8 DLC. But what... what... what can it be?

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If you're so sick to the lips of Mario Kart 8 that you keep vomiting into your hand, you're no doubt keen to hear that you'll soon be granted access to a whole bunch of new and classic tracks - including Baby Park from Double Dash and Mario Kart DS (as close to those simple, classic MK courses as you're going to get these days), Ribbon Road, Neo Bowser City, Nature Road, Big Blue, Cheese Land, Lingling Metro and Animal Crossing.

Additionally, there'll be three new characters (Villager, Isabelle, and, ah, "Dry Bowser"), four new vehicles - two karts and two bikes - and the brand new 200CC mode. 

Oh, look - here's a video showing the new stuff in action. Ha ha: it's all in Japanese and you can't even tell what they're saying, stupid.