So, earlier this week I offended Dino Dini and his fans, and yesterday Jeff Minter - creator of such legendary original works as Attack of the Mutant Camels, Return of the Mutant Camels, and Revenge of the Mutant Camels, decided to have a cheeky little pop at me on Twitter.
I don't know why. Maybe it's because, 20 years ago, I suggested that some of his games might've been - *ahem* - "inspired" by some other games. But that's okay. It's good to hold grudges.
If this week has taught me anything, it's one thing: veteran game designers are incredibly touchy, they have a rabid fanbase, no ability to laugh at themselves, and that criticising them is fantastic for Digitiser2000's hits. In this instance, it seems as if the only responsible thing to do - because there's nothing more entertaining or dignified than middle aged men having a public spat - is to insult some more of them.
In this time of great uncertainty and negativity, we all need something to cling to. And for me it's the hits!
I don't know why. Maybe it's because, 20 years ago, I suggested that some of his games might've been - *ahem* - "inspired" by some other games. But that's okay. It's good to hold grudges.
If this week has taught me anything, it's one thing: veteran game designers are incredibly touchy, they have a rabid fanbase, no ability to laugh at themselves, and that criticising them is fantastic for Digitiser2000's hits. In this instance, it seems as if the only responsible thing to do - because there's nothing more entertaining or dignified than middle aged men having a public spat - is to insult some more of them.
In this time of great uncertainty and negativity, we all need something to cling to. And for me it's the hits!
JOHN HARE
As a founding member of Sensible Software, Jon Hare was involved in games like Sensible Soccer, Cannon Fodder and Mega Lo Mania.
As a human being, he is known for sporting the sort of hair that wouldn't have been out of place on the head of a late-90s chavette - a brave look for someone who is, ironically, losing his "hare". Where are your mock gold hoop earrings, Jon? Meet you at the bus stop, yeah? Just gonna get some chips.
As a human being, he is known for sporting the sort of hair that wouldn't have been out of place on the head of a late-90s chavette - a brave look for someone who is, ironically, losing his "hare". Where are your mock gold hoop earrings, Jon? Meet you at the bus stop, yeah? Just gonna get some chips.
JOHN AND STE PICKFORD
Plok, Wetrix and Magnetic Billiards are but three of the countless games this pair of conjoined anuses were responsible for. Look at them. They're like a couple of refugees from Middle Earth, who've been living under a viaduct for the past six months.
KEVIN TOMS
Attention-seeker Kevin Toms made sure we all knew who he was, by plastering his fat head all over the packaging and adverts for his handful of sporting strategy games. To some gamers he was the face of Football Manager.
To the rest of us, he was the gaming equivalent of the man on the Daddie's Sauce bottle: a ghoulish, disembodied face, of the sort that might peer through your bedroom window at night.
To the rest of us, he was the gaming equivalent of the man on the Daddie's Sauce bottle: a ghoulish, disembodied face, of the sort that might peer through your bedroom window at night.
SANDY WHITE
Ant Attack and Zombie Zombie. Those were the games of Sandy White. There's nothing more to say about him. Literally nothing.
GEOFF CRAMMOND
Best known for The Sentinel and a bunch of dry and boring racing games, Geoff Crammond looks as if he's been keeping in shape in his old age. He probably goes to the gym, and jogs. What exactly are you running from, Geoff? What secrets are you hiding behind that sculpted physique?
Also, here's a funny nickname for you: "Crammond eggs".
Also, here's a funny nickname for you: "Crammond eggs".
THE BITMAP BROTHERS
Speedball, Xenon, The Chaos Engine; these were three of the games that The Bitmap Brothers did. The Chuckle Brothers would've been a more accurate name for them. Actually... no... wait. How about "The Cocks"?
JON RITMAN
Jon Ritman created Match Day, Head Over Heels and Batman. Let's keep this one brief. Jon Ritman? More like BUM SHITMAN!!!
WILL WRIGHT
"Look into my eyes... not around the eyes... but into the eyes..." says Will Wright, creator of Sim City. "And then perhaps you won't notice the gerbil that has smashed itself to death against the lower portion of my weird face."
JOHN CARMACK
John Carmack programmed Wolfenstein 3D, Quake, and Doom. Nowadays he's a space rocket enthusiast. Let's start a crowd-funding campaign to see if we can put him in one, fill the capsule with "meadow muffins", and fire it into a wall.
DAVID BRABEN
Lantern-jawed David Braben was most famous for co-creating Elite with Ian Bell. Which is somewhat ironic, as it is he who was the biggest "bell" (bell-end) in the relationship, allegedly.
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