Stuff a load of this up your "musty breach", Gordon: Commodore didn't just make the Commodore 64 and Amiga. The company's origins date back to 1954, when New York-based Polish taxi driver Jack Tramiel - a survivor of Auschwitz no less - founded the Commodore Polski Sklep Companski (Portable Typewriter Company).
AS cheap Japanese typewriters started flooding the North American market, Tramiel moved his business into manufacuring adding machines. More Japanese competition in the late-1960s convinced Tramiel to visit Japan with a view to understanding his competitors - and he returned with the notion to move into electronics, wearing a schoolgirl uniform and a pair of cat ears.
Specifically, Commodore's focus would henceforth be this: calculators.
And one thing led to another.
Here, then, is the rest of the Commodore family - the ones nobody ever talks about. You know: like that uncle who used to come for Christmas, but stopped being invited after he attempted to impregnate the turkey while mother was still removing the giblets. His name? Uncle Bruno Bongo!
AS cheap Japanese typewriters started flooding the North American market, Tramiel moved his business into manufacuring adding machines. More Japanese competition in the late-1960s convinced Tramiel to visit Japan with a view to understanding his competitors - and he returned with the notion to move into electronics, wearing a schoolgirl uniform and a pair of cat ears.
Specifically, Commodore's focus would henceforth be this: calculators.
And one thing led to another.
Here, then, is the rest of the Commodore family - the ones nobody ever talks about. You know: like that uncle who used to come for Christmas, but stopped being invited after he attempted to impregnate the turkey while mother was still removing the giblets. His name? Uncle Bruno Bongo!
COMMODORE TV GAME 3000H (1976)
Like most electronics companies in the 1970s, Commodore wanted to taste a slice of that sweet home video game pie upon its tongue.
Released in 1976, the Commodore TV Game 3000H was merely another also-ran Pong machine. It was Commodore's first bonafide games system, and - aside from one notable exception - the last time Commodore would release a product designed specifically for fun.
At least, until everyone realised you could use computers to play games.
Released in 1976, the Commodore TV Game 3000H was merely another also-ran Pong machine. It was Commodore's first bonafide games system, and - aside from one notable exception - the last time Commodore would release a product designed specifically for fun.
At least, until everyone realised you could use computers to play games.
COMMODORE CHESSMATE (1978)
Essentially a computer opponent to play a game of chess against, the Chessmate was Commodore's final overt dalliance with gaming for several years. It boasted 32 unique sounds (including "bleep", "bloop" and "blarp"), and a LED display which would tell you where the Chessmate would like you to move its pieces. Suffice to say, it was well easy to cheat against.
COMMODORE PET (1977)
Commodore's gorgeous-looking PET marks the start of Commodore as a manufacturer of home computers - and, indeed, the beginning of home computing. Selling well in North American markets, the PET was primarily used for educational purposes.
Look at it: look how retro-futuristic it is! It gets me all damp and frothy...
Howay, Pet!
That's a good joke.
Look at it: look how retro-futuristic it is! It gets me all damp and frothy...
Howay, Pet!
That's a good joke.
COMMODORE VIC-20 (1981)
Holding the distinction of being the first home computer to sell over a million units, Commodore's VIC-20 was more affordable than the PET - both to purchase, and to manufacture. It was the first Commodore machine aimed at home users, rather than educators and business bores.
It marked the beginning of a shift in Commodore's strategy - to henceforth make computers for "the masses, not the classes", according to Jack "The Crack" Tramiel. Notably, it was the first Commodore hardware to offer a healthy catalogue of games - including versions of arcade hits such as Frogger, Donkey Kong, Defender and Dig Dug.
It marked the beginning of a shift in Commodore's strategy - to henceforth make computers for "the masses, not the classes", according to Jack "The Crack" Tramiel. Notably, it was the first Commodore hardware to offer a healthy catalogue of games - including versions of arcade hits such as Frogger, Donkey Kong, Defender and Dig Dug.
COMMODORE CBM-II (1982)
Following the release of several more "entries" in the PET range, Commodore launched a true successor in the shape of its CMB line. However, the manufacturing costs, poor sales, and the enormous success of the Commodore 64 - released the same year - would lead to Commodore scrunching it up and trying to fit it inside a seed... where nobody would ever see it.
What does that even mean?
What does that even mean?
MAX MACHINE (1982)
The direct predecessor to the Commodore 64, the MAX was intended to be for those who wanted a computer for playing games and little else. Software for the MAX used ROM cartridges, and unlike other Commodore machines, it sported a horrible membrane keyboard. It was only ever released in Japan, the success of the C64 once again ensuring it enjoyed a brief, mayfly-like, existence.
They say that the candle which burns half as long burns twice as bright. Which is only true if somebody doesn't piss on it first.
They say that the candle which burns half as long burns twice as bright. Which is only true if somebody doesn't piss on it first.
EDUCATOR 64 (1983)
A version of the Commodore 64 with an integral screen - harkening back to the PET range - which was developed primarily to sell to schools.
Commodore had learned that educational establishments were wary of purchasing its Commodore 64, as the relatively light-weight computer made it easy to steal. Solution: make a Commodore 64 that wasn't so easy for naughty schoolchildren stuff down their trousers. Unfortunately, the green, monochrome, monitor hobbled its sales. What's the point of a Commodore 64 if you can't see the brown? What's the point of anything if you can't see the brown?!
Frankly, if they were so worried about people stealing them, they could've just re-released the Commodore 64 with a massive convict chained to it.
Commodore had learned that educational establishments were wary of purchasing its Commodore 64, as the relatively light-weight computer made it easy to steal. Solution: make a Commodore 64 that wasn't so easy for naughty schoolchildren stuff down their trousers. Unfortunately, the green, monochrome, monitor hobbled its sales. What's the point of a Commodore 64 if you can't see the brown? What's the point of anything if you can't see the brown?!
Frankly, if they were so worried about people stealing them, they could've just re-released the Commodore 64 with a massive convict chained to it.
SX-64 (1984)
The first full-colour portable computer, the SX-64 was a miniaturised Commodore 64, with a built-in teeny, tiny, screen and disk drive. Unfortunately, its $800 price point placed it beyond the impoverished reach of most consumers, who had to save their precious allowance to buy things such as fags - and "beans"!
COMMODORE 16 (1984)
A cheap-as-chuffs alternative to the VIC-20 and C64, the Commodore 16 squatted twixt its predecessors in terms of price and power. It sold relatively well in Europe as a low-cost games system, but it was a disastrous failure in the US, and was pulled from the market within a year. For some reason, it was particularly popular in Hungary.
Hungarians, eh? They'll buy any old shit.
Hungarians, eh? They'll buy any old shit.
COMMODORE PLUS/4 (1984)
Using essentially the same internal hardware as the Commodore 16, the Plus/4 featured a new casing - with some rather neat cursor keys - and was wafted primarily towards the noses of business users.
The system was pre-loaded with a suite of four business applications; a word processor, spreadsheet, database and graphing software. Unfortunately, the Plus/4 was met with a disastrous response from the computing press, which damned it as too underpowered, and criticised the bundled software.
The system was pre-loaded with a suite of four business applications; a word processor, spreadsheet, database and graphing software. Unfortunately, the Plus/4 was met with a disastrous response from the computing press, which damned it as too underpowered, and criticised the bundled software.
COMMODORE 128 (1985)
The last of Commodore's 8-bit machines, the 128 was intended to be the true successor to the Commodore 64. Though backwardly compatible with all C64 software, the 128 was poorly supported.
Critics suggested that games developed for the 128 weren't significantly better than C64 games, and though it sold relatively well - around 4 million were shipped - it paled next to the all-consuming success of its predecessor. More off-puttingly, by the time the 128 arrived, it was competing with more powerful 16-bit home computers.
Basically, it was like turning up to a party in 1991 dressed as a New Romantic, and complaining that the host wasn't playing any Classix Nouveaux.
Critics suggested that games developed for the 128 weren't significantly better than C64 games, and though it sold relatively well - around 4 million were shipped - it paled next to the all-consuming success of its predecessor. More off-puttingly, by the time the 128 arrived, it was competing with more powerful 16-bit home computers.
Basically, it was like turning up to a party in 1991 dressed as a New Romantic, and complaining that the host wasn't playing any Classix Nouveaux.
COMMODORE LCD (UNRELEASED)
Though never released, the Commodore LCD would've been the company's first laptop hardware, with a built-in LCD screen. Though it ran a version of the 128's BASIC, its hardware was entirely new, and incompatible with software designed for other Commodore machines.
Ironically, the LCD in its name didn't refer to the screen, but stood for "Little Cheating Dong" - a reference to Commodore founder Jack Tramiel, who had jumped ship to found the Atari Corporation from the ashes of Commodore's competitor.
Ironically, the LCD in its name didn't refer to the screen, but stood for "Little Cheating Dong" - a reference to Commodore founder Jack Tramiel, who had jumped ship to found the Atari Corporation from the ashes of Commodore's competitor.
COMMODORE 65 (UNRELEASED)
Another unreleased Commodore computer, the Commodore 65 would've straddled the cleft between the Commodore 64 and Amiga. Though intended to be backwardly compatible with C64 software, it was capable of displaying 256 colours (allowing for even more brown), and had a built-in 3-1/2 inch disk drive. Ultimately, the project was cancelled, with Commodore choosing to focus its lusty sex energy on the new Amiga 1000.
COMMODORE 900 (UNRELEASED)
Another unreleased prototype, the 16-bit Commodore 900 would prove to be Commodore's final dalliance with the business-rump of the computing market. It came close to being released, but was throttled when Jack Tramiel jumped ship to scoop up the fragments of Atari - taking slightly too many Commodore "brooms" with him.
Having lost many of its core staff, Commodore was ill-equipped to continue development on new hardware internally, and so instead chose to spend $24 million purchasing a failing company known as Amiga - ostensibly to take possession of the hardware system it was developing, then codenamed Lorraine (after its president's wife... just as well she wasn't called Fanny).
Having lost many of its core staff, Commodore was ill-equipped to continue development on new hardware internally, and so instead chose to spend $24 million purchasing a failing company known as Amiga - ostensibly to take possession of the hardware system it was developing, then codenamed Lorraine (after its president's wife... just as well she wasn't called Fanny).
COMMODORE 64 GAMES SYSTEM (1990)
Though the Amiga had been a success - primarily as a games machine - Commodore's market dominance was under threat by the second wave of home consoles, produced by Nintendo and Sega.
Looking to make a quick entry into this new market, Commodore redeveloped its Commodore 64 as a standalone, cartridge-based, console; the Commodore 64 Games System. Unfortunately, lacking a keyboard and only playing games from cartridges, it was incompatible with many earlier C64 games, and was underpowered next to the Mega Drive and Super NES.
Only ever released in Europe, it came bundled with four games, but native software support was thin on the ground. Ocean Software remade several of its C64 games for the machine, but it wasn't enough to disguise hardware that was embarrassingly out of time. Even the included joystick felt like a relic from an earlier era; The Era of Idiots.
Did Commodore learn a lesson from any of this? Ladies and gentlemen: I would like to draw your attention to the CD32...
Looking to make a quick entry into this new market, Commodore redeveloped its Commodore 64 as a standalone, cartridge-based, console; the Commodore 64 Games System. Unfortunately, lacking a keyboard and only playing games from cartridges, it was incompatible with many earlier C64 games, and was underpowered next to the Mega Drive and Super NES.
Only ever released in Europe, it came bundled with four games, but native software support was thin on the ground. Ocean Software remade several of its C64 games for the machine, but it wasn't enough to disguise hardware that was embarrassingly out of time. Even the included joystick felt like a relic from an earlier era; The Era of Idiots.
Did Commodore learn a lesson from any of this? Ladies and gentlemen: I would like to draw your attention to the CD32...
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