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IS YOUR CONSOLE MAKING YOU SICK?

1/8/2016

6 Comments

 
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Of course, we all know that video games are dangerous. They can give you epilepsy, deep vein thrombosis, and turn you into a troubled maniac. That's just fact. But did you know that games could be making you sick in other ways?

Experts attest that there are as many as 25,000 germs per square inch on your console controller - that's worse than a toilet. Here are just some of the bacterium you will probably find on your joypad...
Staphylococcus Epidermidis
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Aside from sounding like a keyboard player in an early-70s Greek progressive rock band, don't worry about this one. We've all got it. Our skin is covered in Staphylococcus Epidermidis. Providing your immune system is fine, and you don't have a defective heart valve, it shouldn't be any sort of threat. Let's just move on.
Staphylococcus Aureus
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You usually find this one up your nose, or in your respiratory tract, should you wish to go looking for it. However, when you sneeze, or cough, or splutter - that's when it ends up on your joypad.

A cut or a graze on your fingers could cause Staphylococcus Aureus to enter your body, and could lead to toxic shock syndrome, boils, an abscess, or pneumonia, potentially leading to infections of the parotid gland, eyes, liver, spleen, kidneys, and central nervous system.

When you hear of a "staph infection" - this is what they're talking about. If you hear you've got an "infection in your staff"... that's something else. That's a dirty thing.
Coliforms
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This is pretty revolting. Coliforms are a wide array of different bacteria found in dirty water and faeces. How would that stuff get on your joypad? Because you don't wash your hands properly after having a poo, pig. Licking your fingers after touching your joypad could result in dysentry, gastroenteritis, and typhoid.
Escherichia Coli
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You might know this better as E.Coli. If you think that's an Estonian football player, you're wrong. It's a bacterium usually found in the lower intestine. Unfortunately, it can be transferred to your mouth, via your joypad, in the same way as our friends the Coliforms.

"Ohhh, Colifor-orms! Coliforms from poo!"

This little rotter can lead to urinary tract infections and meningitis. In fact, one strain of E.Coli is so virulent that it has been classified as a bioterrorism agent - as it is capable of producing the Shiga Toxin, which causes the premature destruction of the red blood cells, which then clog the kidneys, causing hemolytic-uremic syndrome.

This in turn can cause a stroke due to blood clots lodged in the brain. This then results in the body parts controlled by this region of the brain not to work properly. In addition, this strain causes the buildup of fluid (since the kidneys do not work), leading to edema around the lungs and legs and arms.

​Or something.
Streptococcus
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"Strep" forward strep throat, impetigo, cellulitis, ear infections, scarlet fever, and sinusitis.
Clostridium Difficile
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If you've recently been treated with antibiotics you might want to stay away from your console during your convalescence. Clostridium Difficile can cause serious bowel problems in people who have recently come off medication; watery and/or bloody diarrhoea, tummy cramps, dehydration, and fever.

It also doubles as a handy insult.

"Why do you always have to be such a clostridium difficile?"
Corynebacterium
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This rotten sod will give you diphtheria.
Pseudomonas Aeruginosa
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Pseudomonas aeruginosa is found widely in soil and stagnant water, and can infect humans and plants. So please... do not rub your fronds on your controller.

It doesn't usually cause illness in healthy people, but is described as an "opportunistic" organism, meaning it can become a serious infection when our normal bodily defences are weakened.

Which doesn't sound too bad. But if you do happen to be sufficiently run down for Pseudomonas Aeruginosa to take hold, it can cause something called Necrotising enterocolitis, which has the potential to cause the contents of the intestine to leak into your abdomen.
Acinetobacter Baumannii
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A. Baumannii can cause bloodstream infections, which can lead to fever and chills, rash, and confusion, or other altered mental states: amnesia, poor judgement, and poor regulation of emotions.

A. Baumannii? More like D. Trumpii. 
FROM THE ARCHIVE:
​THE WEIRD WORLD OF NINTENDO'S GAME & WATCH - PRESENTED BY PAN
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6 Comments
Bruce Flagpole
2/8/2016 10:03:49 am

well thanks...I'm never playing games again after this.

Reply
Wadaload
2/8/2016 12:21:01 pm

What about Staph. Hominis, which people could get onto their new gaming disks by rubbing in their 'sweaty areas', or Candida yeasts that people could get onto their fancy new rumble-enabled controllers through similar methods?

Reply
Chris
2/8/2016 12:28:19 pm

More slander about Escherichia coli. It's a wonderful organism that doesn't know any better when it invades your colon and causes your own immune system to kill you.

Reply
Dr Kank
2/8/2016 01:04:50 pm

This is blatant pro-Kinect propaganda! Has Microsoft been paying you to write these words?

Reply
Alastair
2/8/2016 01:19:09 pm

That's the weirdest way to rekindle memories of the N64.

Those controllers got so full of gunk, that little joystick was a magnet for it. And then when you had a pile of friends around you'd have to start swapping pads to play MK or Goldeneye. Eww.

Reply
Chris Wyatt
2/8/2016 04:46:59 pm

Is this why gamers always look spotty, malnourished, and generally disease-ridden? This explains a lot.

Reply



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