INTRODUCING THE WORLD'S ONLY TOILET-THEMED RESTAURANT CHAIN

If you're anything like us, you've probably dreamed of eating brown food out of a toilet bowl, surrounded by other like-minded diners. 

Fortunately, if you're heading to Asia for the Easter holidays, you will at last be able to make your coprophagic fantasy come true, for Asia is the only continent - or should that be in-contient!!!?!!!?? - to have its own toilet-themed restaurant chain.

Read on for full details.

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Modern Toilet is a chain of Asian toilet-themed restaurants, based out of Taiwan. There are more than 10 Modern Toilets in Taiwan alone, with further branches in Hong Kong and Japan... or should that be "Big PONG" and "Poo-pan"?!?!!!!! Good one.

The first Modern Toilet was opened by ice cream parlour owner Wang Tzi-Wei (real name), who had enjoyed success previously by selling faeces-like dollops of brown ice cream in toilet-shaped bowls. These days, the company describes itself thusly: "We are a group of 'muckrakers' following our dreams."

Modern Toilet's decor is, as you'd expect, lavatory-themed. Seats are decommissioned toilets, while the tables are old sinks covered with glass tops. The company slogan is "Shit or food?", which is commendably concise and to the point.

Apparently, inspiration for the restaurant came from the 1980s/90s manga and anime series Dr Slump, specifically a robot character, who would "play with poop and swirl it on a stick."

Most of the food at Modern Toilet is, appropriately, brown. Curries and shabu-shabu - meat in boiled water - feature heavily on the menu.

All food is served in toilet bowl-shaped dishes, and most of it looks like diarrhoea. If you are able to restrain your gag reflex long enough to swallow any, you'll be qualified to review the cuisine on TripAdvisor - where others have described its taste as "mediocre".

The chain invites customers to visit their stores by asking the age-old question: "To eat or to pee? Go to toilet!! Deliver UR shit!"

Only slightly more appetising are the desserts - served in replica "squat toilets", usually found throughout Asia and the Middle East.

Well, apart from this one, which resembles a severely prolapsed rectum.

Drinks, as you would expect, also arrive in urinals. Not so much iced tea, as ICED WEE!!!!!!?!!!! Sweet. Nice. Very good.

A range of Modern Toilet merchandise includes figures of the company mascots - a constipated pig and frog. Their names? Unknown...

"Enjoy your meal in toilet!"

FROM THE ARCHIVE:
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