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INTRODUCING BONBON LAND - DENMARK'S FINEST THEME PARK!

7/3/2016

10 Comments

 
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You may have read the news that Nintendo has signed a deal with Universal Studios, to develop a $350 million Nintendo land at Universal Studios Tokyo.

Due to be completed in 2020 - in time for the Tokyo Olympics - the themed area has been likened to the sizeable Harry Potter areas at Universal Studios in Orlando and Hollywood.

Before starting work, they might wish to take a look at Bonbon Land - a 43-acre theme park that is ranked as one of Denmark's Top 50 attractions. If only to use as an example of what not to do...

Bonbon Land was the brainchild of Denmark's very own Walt Disney - former sweet manufacturer Michael Spangsberg. Following the success enjoyed by his sweet company - products included Seagull Droppings, Dog Farts, and Dirty Diapers - he expanded the business into factory tours, and then a theme park.
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Bonbon Land now attracts almost half a million visitors every season, and is billed as an all-ages park.

However, for some reason, the main mascot of Bonbon Land is a cartoon cow, who is usually depicted exposing her breasts. Inexplicably, these are more like human breasts than the more traditional udders that cows have typically. 
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Because the park was apparently designed by a man with the mind of a 14 year-old boy, another of Bonbon Land's recurring themes is farting animals.
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Ride names also flirt with tastelessness, being called things like The Beaver, The Stud, The Farting Dog, something that translates as "Seagull Resulting Stains", Victor The Water Worm, The Water Rat, Liquor The Octopus, The Wet Dolphin, The Cosy Rotten Playground, and something that translates as "Horse Bulbs".
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Here we see a duck apparently tweaking its own engorged nipple. Which is not what you'd traditionally expect from Donald Duck.
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Here's a vomiting rat, emerging from a sewerage pipe. Something that all the family can enjoy.
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And here's a dog surrounded by its own filth, as part of the theming for The Farting Dog ride.
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A urinating ant indicates that this must be the male restroom.
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Whereas a knickerless pig standing over what appears to be a jug of urine tells the ladies where to go.
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Then there is this unlikely scenario...
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And the sheer inappropriateness of this seat...
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Bonbon Land! The happiest place on earth!
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FROM THE ARCHIVE:
10 KIDS HAVING THE TIME OF THEIR LIVES AT DISNEYLAND
15 MORE LUCKY KIDS WHO ARE SO VERY EXCITED ABOUT THEIR FACE PAINTING
REVIEW: SECRET CINEMA - THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK


10 Comments
dab88
7/3/2016 01:26:02 pm

Wow. Half a million visitors? Does that mean people go back for repeat visits or what?

Reply
MrPSB
7/3/2016 03:48:25 pm

This is a complete disgrace. Rats can't vomit!

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Kelvin Green link
7/3/2016 06:57:39 pm

"Restroom"? Oh, Biffo, they got you too, didn't they?

Reply
Mr Biffo link
7/3/2016 08:40:01 pm

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Mr Biffo
7/3/2016 10:48:36 pm

Well... that's interesting. I commented saying this: "If by 'they' you mean the Illuminati... then yes".

And the I see that the comment has appeared blank. Insert your own conspiracy theories here...

Fnord link
7/3/2016 11:38:48 pm

Fnord.

Chris
7/3/2016 11:37:41 pm

I think I've just found my next holiday. Thanks Mr B! I can't wait to go Beaver Rafting!

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paulvw
8/3/2016 12:23:40 pm

Completely irrelevant question - are you getting any more large Zombie Dave T shirts back in?

Reply
Mr Biffo
9/3/2016 09:44:46 am

Possibly. We'll keep you posted.

Reply
Daniel Flugt
8/3/2016 11:20:04 pm

Hello! Explaining Dane here.

Those looking for a bit of context, Bonbon is, as the name implies, a sweets manufacturer, best known for giving their sweets crude names. I believe this derived from the owner's young boy, who while sampling new sweets, exclaimed "Eew, gross! They look like dog farts!". Since then they've made seagull droppings, duckweed, sewer waste, rotten fish, earwax, wet diapers and the more sexually oriented big boobs and cheeky bottoms. The last two were renamed in the early 2000's when they were bought out by Toms, another Danish sweets manufacturer. I'm assuming they changed the name to appear more kid friendly, but that doesn't make it any less ironic that Toms has been selling packets of wine-gums and licorice called Spunk since the 70's.

Reply



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