Imagine it. You press a button. Bing! A crisp, £100 note materialises in front of you. But wait - there's a catch: pressing the button also means you just killed a games journalist. What would you do? Would you press the button again...? Let's see how far we can tempt you...
This is Bartlett. He's a games journalist. He's written for websites and print magazines, and his own personal blog. He's never done wrong by anybody in his life. He's a sweet man. Quiet, happy, if a little socially awkward. Growing up, he just really liked his games. Yet if you press that button he's going to start foaming from every hole, and drop down dead - right there on the office carpet, in front of his colleagues. Obviously, that would be awful, even if he is a games journalist... And yet... and yet...
...Here's what you will receive if you press the button. Now what's it gonna be, kid?
This is Bronzella. She's been a professional games journalist for nearly three years, putting that 2:1 in Cultural Studies to good use. She's already the news editor of the site she writes for. Despite that, she probably doesn't deserve to die any more than you do, even if she is writing a book of video game haikus from the point of view of her cat. However... press the button, and her light will be snuffed out in an instant. Nobody will ever even know it was you, and you'll be the proud owner of a £100 bill. We promise she'll barely even suffer. Plus nobody will ever have to read that book.
Who's this guy? Why, it's Thommo. He's a games journalist too. All he does all day is play video games, and then write about them. That's his paltry contribution to the world. Right now he's working on a feature entitled "The Top 10 Video Game Squirrels". Press the button and his head will twist itself off... and you'll be one hundred pounds richer. How hard a decision can it be? You don't think he'd do the same if your roles were reversed? Just look at him. Of course he would.
Now who's this? It's Chuffly, of course. He's a games journalist. An editor, in fact, of a leading video games magazine. He's been working in the industry for almost 20 years, yet has never been promoted to publisher. He's surrounded by writers half his age. It's no life. So press the button. Put him out of his misery. He's a disappointment to both himself and his family. Don't forget: you'll get £100 for doing this. Think what you could buy for that. It's almost enough for a cool drone.
This is Peppo. She's the face of the website she works for, presenting the daily gaming news bulletin on the site's YouTube channel. She's not terrible at it, but she's not entirely comfortable in front of the camera either. Her instant death is but one button-press away - as is your next £100. If you kept this going you could be a millionaire before you know it - at the expense of a mere 10,000 games journalists. It's a small price to pay for the gift of untold riches.
This is Conk. His favourite part of being a games journalist are the trips to E3 every year. Last time he was there he got drunk, and made a comment that sounded like it might've been body-shaming, but the bar was quite loud so nobody is entirely sure. Now his colleagues distrust him. Are they working with a misogynist? Why not do the decent thing: you can earn £100 right now by pressing the button, and sending the possibly sexist Conk to the grave.
This is Svender. He writes for a smaller site that reviews mobile phone games, and has a YouTube channel where he gives away Game of Thrones spoilers that he's mostly stolen from other sites. Frankly, you'd be doing everyone a favour. Press the button. Press it now. And get ready to smell the sweet almond aroma of cold, hard, cash.
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