Her Royal Highness Her Majesty The Queen Elizabeth II turns 90 years young in June.
To celebrate the occasion, the government wants us all to clean up Britain's disgusting, filth-encrusted streets.
This coming weekend, individuals, volunteer groups, local councils, businesses and schools will "do their bit" to get this godawful feculence out of our towns, and back where it belongs: away from the Queen's precious face.
But the big question is... what will the games industry be doing to Clean for the Queen? We spoke to some of today's biggest game creators to find out.
To celebrate the occasion, the government wants us all to clean up Britain's disgusting, filth-encrusted streets.
This coming weekend, individuals, volunteer groups, local councils, businesses and schools will "do their bit" to get this godawful feculence out of our towns, and back where it belongs: away from the Queen's precious face.
But the big question is... what will the games industry be doing to Clean for the Queen? We spoke to some of today's biggest game creators to find out.
KEN LEVINE (Bioshock)
"I was born in the great city of New York, New York, and I currently live in Boston, Massachusetts. History lesson: Boston was the location of the famous Tea Party - whereupon the Sons of Liberty struck a blow against British colonialism by throwing their tea into the harbour. So, frankly, if the Queen expects me to clean anything for her, she can stick it up her goddamn fanny (fanny is the American word for ass)."
CLIFF "CLIFFY B" BLESZINSKI (Unreal, Gears of War)
"I live in North Carolina, and it's fairly tidy around here already. Even if some litter did happen, I think the chances are pretty remote that the Queen would come and see it. For a start, I understand that she's almost 90 - and I suspect she'd struggle to find an insurer who'd cover her for air travel at that age. I suppose she could get a boat, but that'd take about a week at least. To be honest I'm not sure it'd be worth the hassle. North Carolina doesn't even have any good shops."
JONATHAN BLOW (Braid, The Witness)
"I'm a resident of San Francisco, and I don't ever remember seeing the Queen here. I don't really see why I should be expected to do some special cleaning just on the off-chance some old monarch might show up. Though if I were to do some cleaning, I'd clean the leaves off my driveway using a - you've guessed it - leaf-blower (my surname is Blow)!!! Although that would obviously have to wait until the Fall, by which time the campaign might be over, or she might have died, or something."
DONG NGUYEN (Flappy Bird)
"I want to clean a signal."
DAVEY WREDEN (The Stanley Parable, The Beginner's Guide)
"Although I'm not a cowboy myself, I do live in Austin, Texas - the world-famous cowboy town! You can barely move for cowboys round here, having shoot-outs and performing lynchings. Inevitably, the thing we really need cleaning up is all the rotting cowboy corpses that are just scattered in the streets, and on the sidewalks. If that was down to me, I suppose I'd just clean them off with a big cloth, or a type of special mop."
MARKUS "NOTCH" PERSSON (Minecraft)
"I am a resident of Stockholm, the economic centre of Sweden. It's one of the cleanest cities on the planet, and if you British are having trouble with dirty streets, then you have my sympathies. Even our people look like they've been bleached, with their blue eyes, pale skin, and blonde hair. But will I be cleaning anything for the Queen? No. Not anytime soon. I actually think I'm meant to be at a wedding this weekend. Though saying that, I'm not sure I ever RSVP'd. I'd better do that now."
EDMUND McMILLEN (Super Meat Boy)
"Being an indie game developer, I'm used to living in squalor. If anything, I could do with the Queen coming over to my place and giving it a good clean, like how my mom used to do to my bedroom when I was a teenager! Ha ha. And if that ever happens, I'll be sure to welcome Her Majesty to America by preparing her my favourite meal: dried hen eggs and skewers!"
RSS Feed
