HOW RACIST IS STREET FIGHTER?

​Greetings, dicks. I'm Doctor Ashley Tagg. If you're one of my students, you might know me better as "Doctor Hashtag", although I don't really understand why.

You don't have to tell me that racism is some real bad stuff; I've experienced the racism first-hand on a number of occasions. Indeed, my good friend Professor Graham Inster (the students call him "Professor Instagram" - I don't know why) is one of the worst racists I know.

Honestly, we were hanging out in the baths only the other day, when he did some racism within earshot of a dusky fellow. He also once thought it would be funny to push a plastic dog turd through the letterbox of a Polski sklep, although that's a story best saved for another time.

But what of the video game fighting series Street Fighter, with its depictions of international combatants? Could that be as racist as my friend Graham? Here's a detailed look at some of its fighters. I thank you with all my heart for taking the time to pay attention to this. It really means the world to me.

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ZANGIEF (USSR/Russian Federation)

Zangief - dubbed the "Red Cyclone" - hails from Russia. Those scars you see on his meaty body come from fighting bears. When the character originally appeared, he was a die-hard patriot, pledging his allegiance to the USSR, and he continued to be associated with Soviet iconography as late as 1998's Street Fighter Alpha 3 - some considerable years after the fall of the Soviet Union. Apparently, when he isn't fighting, Zangief's hobbies include cossack dancing, and eating borscht. No, really.

QUOTE: "You need a workout, comrade! You can´t even see your toes, can you?"

RACISM RATING: 9 RACISMS.

DHALSIM (India)

The "Indian rubber man" Dhalsim is a yogi and alleged pacifist, who fights only to raise money for his village, or something. The skulls around his neck evoke the Hindu kapalikas, or "skull-men", who were said to practice cannibalism, while the turban he wears in later games suggests he might be sikh -  further muddying the waters. In short, he's a troubling hotchpotch of stereotypes: part Ghandi, part mystic, part dark-skinned, cannibalistic, boogie man.

QUOTE: "Peace and tranquility... This is the way of Yoga!"

RACISM RATING: 10 RACISMS.

BLANKA (Brazil)

Jimmy Blanka was a Brazilian pilot who turned into a big, green monster, after his plane was struck by lightning, and he crashed in the rainforest. He only returned to civilisation after stealing a melon from a poacher, and accidentally stowed away on the back of his truck.

Interestingly, when the Brazilian program Custe o Que Custar asked people in Spain who the best-known Brazilians were, Blanka ranked third, after the model Gisele Bündchen and the footballer Pelé. 

He might be the archetypical "jungle man", but it could've been worse: he was originally going to be an African character, who had been raised by lions. 

QUOTE: "This place is a paradise compared to the Amazon!"

RACISM RATING: 4 RACISMS

GUILE (USA)

Warmongering patriot Guile - he's a major in the US Air Force - certainly adheres to the stereotype of how many of us perceive Americans... as a bunch go warmongering patriots. He even has the Stars and Stripes tattooed on each arm, and wears dog tags around his neck: one belonging to himself, and one belonging to his dead war buddy, Charlie. He's driven to seek revenge on those responsible for Charlie's death.

While Guile adheres to a certain US stereotype, at least he isn't a fat, obnoxious, loud-mouth.

QUOTE: "Mission complete."

RACISM RATING: 6 RACISMS

RUFUS (USA)

Rufus is a fat, obnoxious, loudmouth.

QUOTE: "What do you eat to get that green? Vegetables? It's veggies, isn't it? I don't hate veggies, but they're no cheeseburger..."

​RACISM RATING: 8 RACISMS

VEGA/BALROG (Spain)

Vega, the "Spanish Ninja", is flamboyant and vain, obsessed with beauty, a self-confessed narcissist. He's something of a ladies man, and will compliment female opponents on their appearance. He dresses like a matador: his moves are said to be a mix of bullfighting and ninjutsu. He probably has a load of paella shoved down the front of his pants, to boot.

QUOTE: "My beauty is absolute. No one will ever come close to me.

RACISM RATING: 6 RACISMS

EL FUERTE (Mexico)

When he isn't wrestling, masked luchador El Fuerte can be found cooking: his favourite ingredient is chilli. HIs moves are named after his favourite dishes, and his reason for entering Street Fighter tournaments is so that he can travel the globe looking for new recipes. His backstory evokes that of Jack Black's character from the film Nacho Libre, which suggests that's about as far as Capcom's research went.

QUOTE: "Oh, what are you, boco loco? Adding one delicious thing to another delicious thing always equals more deliciousness!"

RACISM RATING: 4 RACISMS

JUNI AND JULI (Germany)

Though brainwashed into becoming bodyguards for M.Bison, it's somewhat unfortunate that the German Juni and Juli were subsequently made to dress up in outfits that vaguely resemble neo-Nazi uniforms, right down to the armbands, and Hitler Youth caps and ties. 

QUOTE: "I am... Juli... a... ? Hawk..."

RACISM RATING: 7 RACISMS

DUDLEY (Britain)

Dudley was, apparently, inspired by the boxer Chris Eubank - best known for poncing around like he's some sort of country gent. Born into a wealthy English family, Dudley is unfailing polite, and always behaves with impeccable manners. He wears a pair of green dinner suit trousers, with matching braces and cummerbund, and a frilled dress shirt. He also sports smart shoes, and a waxed moustache.

Still... at least he hasn't got bad teeth, even if he does appear to be sporting E-cup breasts.

QUOTE: "The British spirit is an indomitable spirit!"

RACISM RATING: 3 RACISMS

FROM THE ARCHIVE:
THE MAN'S DADDY: RACIST JOKES
RACISM: WHAT I KNOW I DON'T KNOW - BY MR BIFFO
BOYCOTT STAR WARS VII: A NON-MOVEMENT BY MR BIFFO