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HOW NINTENDO COMICS SYSTEM TOOK WEIRD LIBERTIES WITH THE CHARACTERS

13/5/2019

8 Comments

 
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Super Mario and the NES became such a phenomenon so quickly, that Nintendo initially adopted a 'make hay while the sun shines' approach - licensing out its character to almost any old idiot.

Published between 1990 and 1991, Nintendo Comics System was the result of a deal with Valiant Comics, and featured characters from Metroid, Zelda, and Captain N: The Game Master. Suffice to say, quality was variable, and certainly raised some questions - not least when you see some of the bizarre liberties Valiant took with Nintendo's most valuable properties.

Never is this more apparent than in the company's Super Mario Bros. titles... As we shall now investigate.
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Though the Valiant comics mostly stuck to traditional strips - in which, inexplicably, Mario was obsessed with a superhero called "Dirk Drain-Head" - they also featured a number of one-off features, such as Princess "Toadstool"'s problem page.

In these, "Toadstool" is revealed as the worst agony aunt of all time - suggesting here that cosmetic surgery might work over self-acceptance, and recommending that somebody with an anger problem should potentially drown himself. 
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In this edition of her problem page, Peach - nee "Toadstool" - picks up on a letter from King Koopa, in which he reveals he always wanted to be known as "Muffin". She finds this so hysterical that she recalls it in every subsequent answer, even referring to herself as Princess "Muffin" Toadstool...
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Unlike a normal adult male, who grows to maturity, and develops facial hair, this collect of Mario's "early years" photographs shows that he and Luigi had such an overabundance of testosterone from birth, that they were both born with a moustache. Admittedly, their facial hair wasn't as thick and lustrous as it would become, but it's there. Presumably, along with hair on other parts of their bodies.

Also, it shows that Mario, from a very young age, was obsessed with plumbing - to the degree that he'd "fix" his father's "pipe", and insist on playing baseball with a plunger.

The final panel shows Mario stood over his baby brother Luigi, armed with a wrench. The implication is clear; in order to mend his "leaking" infant sibling, Mario is going to tighten the wrench around his penis.
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King Koopa's high school yearbook depicts him as a bully from a young age. Which is interesting, given that many of those who seek power in later life are the proverbial beta type. However, Koopa clearly suffers some sort of narcissistic personality disorder, as his dream partner is basically a female version of himself.
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There are many questions raised by this image, the foremost one being why does King Koopa wear a pair of swimming trunks to the beach, and why is he embarrassed when a dog pulls them down, given that he typically walks around naked?

Also, what's with Mario and Luigi up in that lifeguard station? They look like they've been cut-and-pasted as an afterthought.
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So, Fryguy - from Super Mario Bros. 2 - attends a school called Fryguy High, which implies that it's a school for fry guys like himself.

Why, then, are there non-flammable students attending said school, and why is the school not equipped for students who are perpetually aflame? Why are they going on field trips to fireworks factories? Why does the school burn down? Make it out of asbestos, or something.

My old primary school was made from asbestos, and hardly any of the students caught fire - they just had respiratory problems.
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Mario lets Luigi run amok with his moustache, which ends in Mario running after Luigi with a pair of scissors. Because that's a good thing to show children...
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Luigi gives readers a tour of the Mario Bros. Museum of Plumbing. Which raises questions when you get to the first shower head with a massage attachment, as it seems to be nothing more than a man sticking his head and hands through a trio of "glory holes". 

I think we can make assumptions about the sort of "massage" Luigi enjoys in the shower.
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This makes literally no sense. The technique Princess Toadstool recommends for getting out of sticky situations involves stopping abruptly in order to play cards. And the cards are placed on the table face up... or something. And it doesn't work anyway, because Mario ends up naked, wearing a barrel. 

​What's going on?!
8 Comments
JustJules link
13/5/2019 10:12:56 am

As morally dubious and bizarre as a lot of that is, it's the inconsistent colouring that gets my goat (and always has regarding comics.)

Like Marvel or DC characters with disappearing sleeves/items of clothing, even between panels, Toadstool's gloves seem to come and go depending on whether they could be bothered to use white or not,

I AM fun at parties btw...

Reply
Spiney O'Sullivan
13/5/2019 01:29:07 pm

Looking at these, I almost kind of kind of miss when Mario was portrayed (in the West, at least) as a cartoon Brooklynite with a tendency towards corny jokes rather than the Mickey Mouse-style characterless helium-voiced manic enthusiasm generator that he's become.

That said, it's hard to argue that quality of Mario's games have suffered for their near-total lack of writing, and the lack of meaningful character and long-running narratives in games and adaptations have probably saved him from developing the kind of fanbase that has made Sonic a laughing stock.

Reply
Harry Steele link
13/5/2019 01:46:55 pm

Oooh I loved these crazy comics.

My favourite had to be when a grown man becomes so obsessed with playing Mario Land that he breaks into an electronic store to get one. He then accidentally unleashes the game's villain Tatanga into the real world, plus Mario (who can really die here as there are no Extra Lives here!)

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Meatballs-me-branch-me-do
14/5/2019 08:26:00 pm

I had that one. It was two teen guys from New Jersey and while one wants to ogle girls at the mall, the other is obsessed with Super Mario Land. Tatanga (villain of Super Mario Land) somehow escapes the game and sees the real world as a place to conquer.

A lot of name dropping (of the enemies) ensues and the gamer guy pulls out his Game Boy and starts yelling “Mario, can you hear me?” Mario appears on top of his Game Boy (everything is small because the Game Boy is, haaa) and there’s a big fight and then Daisy points out to Tatanga that this is the real world and Mario could kill him for real, so they go back inside the game. Yes.

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King of Sass
13/5/2019 05:19:27 pm

Having read the 'Poker Gambit' a few times, I think what's happening is this: they're acting out a scene where Mario is captured by the piranha plants. He offers to play them at Poker for his life (a bit like in The Seventh Seal) but cheats. What I'm still unsure about is (a) how he still loses, (b) why the stakes are now lowered to him just losing his clothes and (c) how this happened when they were supposed to just be acting the scene out.

Any help greatly appreciated.

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Meatballs-me-branch-me-do
13/5/2019 06:52:47 pm

I read (and probably still have) a lot of these. The artwork was wonky, the writing strange, and the stories gibberish.

I never understood why for the comics (and the cartoon, for consistency) Koopa turned into a sort of Wart-Koopa-Alligator hybrid, especially when his appearance was more codified by the time of these comics (which featured SMB3’s Koopalings). Wart did show up in an exceptionally bizarre story where he posed as a mattress salesman (?!?) to get the King of the Mushroom Kingdom to fall asleep on a cloud mattress that would then terrorize the not-as-yet-Toads of the kingdom with him on top so they’d blame him.

Nintendo Power did a series of Mario comics too, with a downright bizarre subplot of Luigi and Peach swapping outfits to bust Mario out of Bowser’s Dungeon.

I think a large part of the (read: my) problem with these stories extending the characters is it didn’t really fit with what we saw them doing in the games. Mario had a normalish life and now he’s fighting off fever dream monsters in a weird parallel universe?

This goes the other way, too, of course. A Flintstones game, for example: in the show, they live in basically the 1960s but with more wisecracking appliances. Yet the games Fred would leave his house and immediately be attacked by dive bombing pterosaurs and huge plesiosaurs and huge cliffs and jumping and death. Hiding the Water Buffalo’s bowling tournament from
Alice... er... Wilma... on their anniversary paled in comparison.

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Lee
13/5/2019 07:44:20 pm

They've got nothing on the Super Mario World official guide book manga.

Translations here: https://www.flickr.com/photos/miloscat/sets/72157701235505764/with/44060663114/

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Gaming Mill link
16/5/2019 08:48:32 pm

I've just read that article whilst Zed Zed Top were playing in the background...some song about lovin' or something. They both complimented each other in a strange, GM sort of way. Oh, I wasn't responsible for the Zed Zed Top music.

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