Super Mario and the NES became such a phenomenon so quickly, that Nintendo initially adopted a 'make hay while the sun shines' approach - licensing out its character to almost any old idiot.
Published between 1990 and 1991, Nintendo Comics System was the result of a deal with Valiant Comics, and featured characters from Metroid, Zelda, and Captain N: The Game Master. Suffice to say, quality was variable, and certainly raised some questions - not least when you see some of the bizarre liberties Valiant took with Nintendo's most valuable properties.
Never is this more apparent than in the company's Super Mario Bros. titles... As we shall now investigate.
Published between 1990 and 1991, Nintendo Comics System was the result of a deal with Valiant Comics, and featured characters from Metroid, Zelda, and Captain N: The Game Master. Suffice to say, quality was variable, and certainly raised some questions - not least when you see some of the bizarre liberties Valiant took with Nintendo's most valuable properties.
Never is this more apparent than in the company's Super Mario Bros. titles... As we shall now investigate.
Though the Valiant comics mostly stuck to traditional strips - in which, inexplicably, Mario was obsessed with a superhero called "Dirk Drain-Head" - they also featured a number of one-off features, such as Princess "Toadstool"'s problem page.
In these, "Toadstool" is revealed as the worst agony aunt of all time - suggesting here that cosmetic surgery might work over self-acceptance, and recommending that somebody with an anger problem should potentially drown himself.
In these, "Toadstool" is revealed as the worst agony aunt of all time - suggesting here that cosmetic surgery might work over self-acceptance, and recommending that somebody with an anger problem should potentially drown himself.
In this edition of her problem page, Peach - nee "Toadstool" - picks up on a letter from King Koopa, in which he reveals he always wanted to be known as "Muffin". She finds this so hysterical that she recalls it in every subsequent answer, even referring to herself as Princess "Muffin" Toadstool...
Unlike a normal adult male, who grows to maturity, and develops facial hair, this collect of Mario's "early years" photographs shows that he and Luigi had such an overabundance of testosterone from birth, that they were both born with a moustache. Admittedly, their facial hair wasn't as thick and lustrous as it would become, but it's there. Presumably, along with hair on other parts of their bodies.
Also, it shows that Mario, from a very young age, was obsessed with plumbing - to the degree that he'd "fix" his father's "pipe", and insist on playing baseball with a plunger.
The final panel shows Mario stood over his baby brother Luigi, armed with a wrench. The implication is clear; in order to mend his "leaking" infant sibling, Mario is going to tighten the wrench around his penis.
Also, it shows that Mario, from a very young age, was obsessed with plumbing - to the degree that he'd "fix" his father's "pipe", and insist on playing baseball with a plunger.
The final panel shows Mario stood over his baby brother Luigi, armed with a wrench. The implication is clear; in order to mend his "leaking" infant sibling, Mario is going to tighten the wrench around his penis.
King Koopa's high school yearbook depicts him as a bully from a young age. Which is interesting, given that many of those who seek power in later life are the proverbial beta type. However, Koopa clearly suffers some sort of narcissistic personality disorder, as his dream partner is basically a female version of himself.
There are many questions raised by this image, the foremost one being why does King Koopa wear a pair of swimming trunks to the beach, and why is he embarrassed when a dog pulls them down, given that he typically walks around naked?
Also, what's with Mario and Luigi up in that lifeguard station? They look like they've been cut-and-pasted as an afterthought.
Also, what's with Mario and Luigi up in that lifeguard station? They look like they've been cut-and-pasted as an afterthought.
So, Fryguy - from Super Mario Bros. 2 - attends a school called Fryguy High, which implies that it's a school for fry guys like himself.
Why, then, are there non-flammable students attending said school, and why is the school not equipped for students who are perpetually aflame? Why are they going on field trips to fireworks factories? Why does the school burn down? Make it out of asbestos, or something.
My old primary school was made from asbestos, and hardly any of the students caught fire - they just had respiratory problems.
Why, then, are there non-flammable students attending said school, and why is the school not equipped for students who are perpetually aflame? Why are they going on field trips to fireworks factories? Why does the school burn down? Make it out of asbestos, or something.
My old primary school was made from asbestos, and hardly any of the students caught fire - they just had respiratory problems.
Mario lets Luigi run amok with his moustache, which ends in Mario running after Luigi with a pair of scissors. Because that's a good thing to show children...
Luigi gives readers a tour of the Mario Bros. Museum of Plumbing. Which raises questions when you get to the first shower head with a massage attachment, as it seems to be nothing more than a man sticking his head and hands through a trio of "glory holes".
I think we can make assumptions about the sort of "massage" Luigi enjoys in the shower.
I think we can make assumptions about the sort of "massage" Luigi enjoys in the shower.
This makes literally no sense. The technique Princess Toadstool recommends for getting out of sticky situations involves stopping abruptly in order to play cards. And the cards are placed on the table face up... or something. And it doesn't work anyway, because Mario ends up naked, wearing a barrel.
What's going on?!
What's going on?!
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