HERE'S HOW YOU IMPROVE THE PLAYSTATION CLASSIC

30/10/2018

Sony has announced the games line-up for its upcoming PlayStation Classic mini console thing (out in December for ninety quid-ish). And you know what? It's slightly better than I expected... and also - get this, ya big cormorant - slightly worse!!!!

While I was surprised to see the inclusion of Final Fantasy VII... I was then equally confused by the lack of Tomb Raider, not least because the franchises are both now stuffed into the baggy, wet, burrow of Square Enix.

Just as with the Super NES and NES mini, this dwindled throwback is struggling to please everyone. For my money, these tiny retro systems should be seen as the equivalent of those museums-in-a-book (you know: with replica relics, and "flaps" to lift up and that).

I mean let's face it, if you really want to play an old PS1 game, there are plenty of dubious and not-so-dubious ways of doing so. Instead, there's just something nice about having all of a system's most iconic games within one shrivelled recreation. But what's the point if you're not going to include the classics on your Classic?

While managing to feature at least some heavy-hitters, the PlayStation Classic does seem to miss out on a ton of the PlayStation's most iconic, system-defining, titles. I mean, it doesn't even have that famous t-rex demo. You know the one: where you could manipulate a 3D Marc Bolan, and make him fall off a stage. That's a cool reference there for your mums and dads, kids.

Here's the full list of what will be included on the European version:

Battle Arena Toshinden
Cool Boarders 2
Destruction Derby
Final Fantasy VII
Grand Theft Auto
Intelligent Qube
Jumping Flash
Metal Gear Solid
Mr Driller
Oddworld: Abe’s Oddysee
Rayman
Resident Evil Director’s Cut
Revelations: Persona
Ridge Racer Type 4
Super Puzzle Fighter II Turbo
Syphon Filter
Tekken 3
Tom Clancy’s Rainbow 6
Twisted Metal
Wild Arms

Below, I offer my suggestions for which of these games should've been replaced with something else...

INSTEAD OF SUPER PUZZLE FIGHTER II TURBO... KLONOA or APE ESCAPE

Super Puzzle Fighter II Turbo? Really? That's the best demonstration of the PS1 is it?

Namco's Klonoa: Door to Phantomile was a bit of an aberration on the PlayStation; a cute and colourful Sega or Nintendo-ish platformer. That made it stand out within the PlayStation's otherwise more sombre-hued catalogue. Also: it was good. It was sweet. Let's have some more of that, yeah?

Equally, Sony's own Ape Escape, which came relatively late in the console's life, felt like an abrupt gear-shift - so much so that the skid marks have yet to fade. Nonetheless, it remains, potentially, the best 3D platformer on the machine.

INSTEAD OF TOM CLANCY'S RAINBOW 6... G-POLICE

The PlayStation version of Tom Clancy's Rainbow 6 was a dirty abomination, and has no place consorting with anything that labels itself "Classic". I'd suggest swapping it out with the Blade Runner-inspired G-Police, a remarkable demonstration of the PS1's power, and a solid shoot 'em up to boot.

What did the "G" stand for?

"Grumpy".

INSTEAD OF BATTLE ARENA TOSHINDEN... TOMB RAIDER

Battle Arena Toshinden is fine, but if you've already got Tekken 3 on the Classic, you don't really need it. I mean, we get it; the PS1 could do good 3D fighting games. No need to keep reiterating the point.

If you stand a hope of achieving completeness, Tomb Raider has to be on there... even if it does play like a beast, boasting the control system equivalent of a Twitter grammar pedant. If any one game is synonymous with the PlayStation era... it's this.

But you already knew that.

BOOOOOOBS!!!!

INSTEAD OF REVELATIONS: PERSONA... WIPEOUT

"Oh, I'm so excited that Revelations: Persona is going to be on the PlayStation Classic!" said no-one ever. Wipeout might not be my favourite game - to this day the controls feel lamentably loose - but this isn't about MY favourite games. It's about representing the games which defined the PS1.

Wipeout was a barefaced - and, admittedly, successful - attempt at making gaming all cool and edgy and that, and needs to be on there. Whether I like it or not.

Dance music is cool, yeah? Well, yeah, until you try to re-licence it 20-odd years later...

INSTEAD OF MR DRILLER... CRASH BANDICOOT

Admittedly, we've recently had a Crash Bandicoot anthology released, which demonstrated that those games weren't quite as good as we remembered, but the top-heavy marsupial was as close as the PS1 ever got to its own Sonic The Hedgehog. Plus, as an early outing for Naughty Dog, it deserves to be held aloft among the other PS1 icons and given the "bumps".

INSTEAD OF RIDGE RACER TYPE 4... RIDGE RACER

Ridge Racer Type 4 might be the better game, but Ridge Racer was the game which launched the PS1, and proved that it was a powerhouse. Its chronic lack of tracks somehow didn't seem to matter when compared to the Sega Saturn's Daytona USA, with its polygons that resembled a garden fence in a very high wind.

INSTEAD OF JUMPING FLASH... SPYRO THE DRAGON

This was a tough one. I really love Jumping Flash - and way prefer it over Spyro - but the latter is probably the more fondly-remembered game (indeed, it's getting a remaster). It should be on the PlayStation Classic if only to prove that the machine had much to offer kids as well as cool clubber people who wear their baseball caps sideways and like waving glow sticks and blowing whistles.

REMEMBER: there is nothing more important than "being" cool.

INSTEAD OF ODDWORLD: ABE'S ODDYSEE... LEGACY OF KAIN: SOUL REAVER or SILENT HILL

I never liked Oddworld, so we might as well replace it with a choice of two other games I didn't like either; Legacy of Kain: Soul Reaver or Silent Hill. In the case of the later I always felt it undermined its own atmosphere with the stupid hissing radio, while Soul Reaver's gothic aesthetics turned me off so hard that my tube blew out!

You remember at school there was that kid who would do drawings of, like, demons and 3D swastikas and stuff, and everyone would crowd round and go "That's so cool! Draw me one!" and you'd sit there and be muttering like "He's not so good - I can draw better than that, and at least my drawings would be original I'm just not such an attention-seeking show-off like he is" and you'd never let it go and decades later you'd use him by way of a comparison to a video game you didn't like?

Well... that.

INSTEAD OF TWISTED METAL... GRAN TURISMO

This was another tough call. I really loved Twisted Metal, whereas Gran Turismo I found to be profoundly dull. Still, we're not here today to be selfish. Because there's no accounting for taste, plenty of people mistakenly believed that the dry, boring, simulation-esque Gran Turismo was a classic.

So, y'know, here it is. Alright?

INSTEAD OF GRAND THEFT AUTO... PARAPPA THE RAPPER or APE ESCAPE

Grand Theft Auto obviously has its place in PlayStation history, but the original top-down version is more closely associated with the PC. Parappa The Rapper on the other hand is pure PlayStation quirk, and was unlike anything else available. Unlike certain other PlayStation games, it somehow managed to be cool without trying too hard.

INSTEAD OF COOL BOARDERS 2: TONY HAWK'S PRO SKATER

Why have Cool Boarders 2 when you could have the original Tony Hawk's Pro Skater; a game which became an obsession for many? Once again, it's very indicative of the PlayStation brand itself - aligning with things that people in the mid-90s hilariously thought were edgy.

Question: is the skateboarding inherently edgy, or would, I dunno, something like feeding a cat automatically become edgy if the person feeding the cat wore big baggy trousers, and had a stupid chin-beard, and played pop-punk sounds while he put the food in the bowl?

INSTEAD OF INTELLIGENT QUBE... VIB RIBBON or BISHI BASHI SPECIAL

Who cares about Intelligent Qube? It was a surprisingly big seller, and it was, y'know, fine for what it was, but it's hardly fondly remembered. At least the experimental Vib Ribbon and the brilliantly bonkers Bishi Bashi Special have stuck in the consciousness.

Bishi Bashi is probably the better game, but Vib-Ribbon is a better example of the PS1's more out-there moments, though the fact that it's best remembered for generating levels using the player's own music CDs, it probably wouldn't work on the PlayStation Classic. I shouldn't have suggested it.

PLEASE FORGIVE ME.

32 Comments

Ben

30/10/2018 10:23:01 am

I'm so close to cancelling my preorder

MadGazF1

30/10/2018 10:25:23 am

Personally I would replace Toshinden with Soul Blade if the thing really needs 2 fighting games.

MENTALIST

30/10/2018 10:28:13 am

Of note, perhaps, is that the current PS1 mini has only digital joypads.

Stuff like Gran Turismo, Wipeout, or later platformers like Spyro, Soul Reaver or Ape Escape wouldn't work nearly so well without them - in fact, aren't they a requirement for Ape Escape?. Incidentally, back in the days when I was working on Playstation One driving games, Ridge Racer Type 4 was recommended (by Sony, possibly, or maybe just someone within our publisher) as a good model to follow for implementing digital pad driving controls.

As such, I suspect that if this device succeeds well, a second, analogue enabled Playstation classic might well follow.

30/10/2018 10:31:27 am

Wouldn't work nearly as well without dualshock pads, I meant to say. And Ape Escape does require them, I checked.

ScottC

3/11/2018 06:11:17 pm

Nailed it.

Stephen

30/10/2018 10:36:47 am

This device looks to be geared to the hardcore gamers, with Persona , IQ, Twisted Metal etc being good games but no those that are fondly remembered by the mass market. It seems an odd choice because those hardcore gamers are already emulating PS1 games on loads of devices . The PsOne Classic would definitely appeal to the mass market (because PsOne was the first true mass market console) but as Paul says, those players remember Wipeout, Bandicoots etc. And I totally agree that regardless of whether they put Type4 on there the original Ridge Racer is the most iconic. I assume there must be licencing issues with some titles, or perhaps the current IP owners don't want you to remember just how bad the original Tomb Raider looks compared to how you remember it

30/10/2018 10:46:13 am

Ridge Racer Type 4 originally shipped with "Ridge Racer Hi-Spec", which was the original Ridge Racer remade in the Type 4 engine. It would be nice if it included that, but since it came on a separate disc, it's difficult to say whether it'd be included in this collection or not.

Dave Piracy

30/10/2018 10:41:25 am

It could be that those games didn’t work very well in the emulator they’re using. A lot of the SNES classic games were picked due to playing nicely with the emulator rather than game quality.
Never mind though, if it’s anything like the SNES or NES classics, it’s going to be totally possible to load your own games on to it anyway with a 3rd party app. So I wouldn’t worry.

Col. Asdasd

30/10/2018 10:41:54 am

It really is a dire list. So much filler, so many missing classics. Sony's lack of first party heft really showing in comparison with the Nintendo of this era. Which isn't their fault really, as it was the first generation in which they were even a part of gaming, but If they were going to bother at all they should really have pulled out the chequebook and stumped up for the licenses for games people actually enjoyed in the era.

Instead, and especially bearing the lack of analogue sticks and the eye-watering price point, the whole thing looks like a cheap and miserly nostaliga-bait cash-grab that sullies the playstation legacy.

30/10/2018 11:03:19 am

I'd add Pandemonium, but only because I have fond memories associated with it. The game's probably a bit poo.

Darren McCoy

2/11/2018 11:31:15 pm

Wait for the N gauge classic!

Paul

30/10/2018 11:08:56 am

Ha! I was liking the look of this, but actually Biffo’s replacements are on the whole games I bought at the time.

Get this: I still have my original PlaySation. OK, the stack of games is at my patents’ house, so I’d need to drive there to get them. The cost of petrol will be less than cost of one of these things.

I can’t help thinking that if to crack one of those little PlayStations open, you’ll find something not dissimilar to what’s insude those mini Nintendos: sonetbjng aling the lines of an ARM powered mini computer emulating a PS1.

Expect these to be hacked so you can load your favourite games on to them.

Mentuss link

30/10/2018 11:40:14 am

Sadly, Ape Escape used the analog sticks. One of the first to do so, in fact... and As Sony have decided in outright lunacy to base the PS1 Classic on the consoles infancy, and are using the shittier original controller, some games that should be on the thing aren't.

Also - Tenchu should be on there. Yes.

Jim Leighton (Future World Darts Champion) x

30/10/2018 12:13:08 pm

Great call on Tenchu

Hamptonoid

30/10/2018 07:03:27 pm

That really is a most excellent call

Bongo Mcnulty

30/10/2018 01:12:47 pm

OK, I’m not going to clog up the comments section with a list of “I Wanted X, Y, or Z” on the system, but considering that this machine was supposed to be a celebration of the PlayStation 1, this list of games is shit. Sony may have had trouble licensing music for some games, but there ARE workarounds for this- a new, licenced soundtrack is one easy fix that springs to mind. The lack of an analogue controller may also have saved a few bob in Sony’s pocket, but it has also drastically cut down their game options too. The whole project looks like a cynical money grab to hit the Christmas market, rather than a love letter to their original console.

Bingo Rose

30/10/2018 02:09:22 pm

Crack crack crack the egg into the bowl.

Bruce Flagpole

30/10/2018 03:56:23 pm

As a cool young dude in the 90s, I of course shunned the playstation in favour of the N64, but there were a number of games I wanted to play and so would make my way to my mates' house to play them.
And i find very little in the list of games for this here 'classic' that would make me want to go round to my mates now.
I agree with Mr B's changes - GT, Tomb Raider and Wipeout in particular basically were the playstation as far as the games went. I'd also like to have seen ISS Pro Evo as that's where that particularly love affair (now long since ended in heart break) first started.

Stupidactingsmart

31/10/2018 10:42:46 pm

I hope I'm still a cool young dude in my 90s, like Bruce Forsyth almost was.

Spiney O’Sullivan

30/10/2018 04:35:05 pm

I came in here to mouth off about the lack of Klonoa on the system because I’m totally unreasonable about not accepting that to the vast majority of Playstation owners it was irrelevant and uncool, so I was pleased to see it being first on Biffo’s agenda.

I do get why it’s not being included, since it was incredibly underloved at the time and nobody but the retro hardcore associate it that heavily with the PlayStation. But that’s kind of the issue here. Most of the titles that really got the system into the public consciousness aren’t included for reasons presumably mainly to do with licensing (music, cars, brands, etc). As a result it’s just a little too niche for the casuals, but also doesn’t really have enough to satisfy the hardcore fully.

It’s the Charlie Brooker’s Gameswipe of miniature consoles.

Parappa the Crappa

30/10/2018 07:29:31 pm

Couldn't agree more with this article.

I'd probably keep Jumping Flash though and as others have pointed out, GT wouldn't work due to the pads but then I'd have included dual shocks.

Honestly they should have just put more games on so you don't have to choose between Jumping Flash and Spyro.

When I saw the games line-up I lost interest immediately. Pity as I was massively into my original launch Playstation but without those iconic games I played and that you have suggested here, it just ain't for me.

Robobob

30/10/2018 07:58:52 pm

Actually, I kind of like the list of stuff it comes with. But I also like Biffo's replace-me-do list.

Can't we have both? All these retro consoles seem to be pretty sparing with how many games they come with. Is that genuinely technological limitation, or holding lots back to flog new mini consoles in future?

SSSSSSSSSSSSWISSSSSSSSSSS

30/10/2018 08:17:12 pm

Great list of substitutions mr biffo! There really are a mix of classic games and some pretty dubious choices in the actual playstation classic line up.

Kelvin Green link

30/10/2018 09:01:14 pm

Soul Reaver's aesthetic was a bit try-too-hard,yes, but in terms of gameplay it was a pretty decent Zelda-like.

Well, the sequel was. I only ever played the demo of the first one, but I assume it's similar enough for my comment to be accurate. Probably.

Mark

30/10/2018 09:33:27 pm

I have cancelled my pre order I was shocked to see some of the choices and I agree with your replacements biffo except cool Boarders 2 is actually a really decent game.
Games like wipeout and tomb raider should be a given but I would say Driver is a must it was such a cool game back in the day. The one that really gets me is super puzzle fighter it’s not a bad game but really is this what you wanna put forward to show people the iconic ps1 I’m so disappointed and don’t even get me started on mr driller that is just the pits

Mike

30/10/2018 09:33:59 pm

It had better be fuckin’hackable. For the record the original Wipeout was, in fact, shite. Wipeout2097 is where it’s at.

apple lemon

31/10/2018 09:32:20 pm

The problem with Gran Turismo is all of those licensed cars

GOOD GOD I HATE WHAT HAS BECOME OF "ATARI" link

1/11/2018 09:09:59 pm

This is an amazing article, I agree with almost every word except for the bit about not liking Oddworld. It's uncanny, it's almost like reading my mind. Maybe throw Tempest X on there without asking the zombie corpse wearing the skin of Atari just to make it more interesting.

Mr Jalco

2/11/2018 05:52:43 pm

Everything you said, Mr B. Couldn't agree more. The game-slate they've chosen is odd. The lack of Tomb Raider and Wipeout is bewildering.

G-Police is a marvellous shout, by the way. I'd probably chuck Colony Wars in there too, because SPACESHIPS.

darren mccoy

2/11/2018 11:34:45 pm

I can't wait for the N64 classic, the PSX was terrible in comparison!

PS1Snake

5/11/2018 10:59:40 pm

I was surprised to see MGS make the list; it's second only to MGS2 – in my view, of course.
I regret completely overlooking the Klonoa series (I've only played a demo of Klonoa 2), so would've loved to have seen the first game make the list.

fatnick link

6/11/2018 06:55:59 am

The interesting thing about Wipeout is that only the European version had licensed music (and even then it was only about 3 tracks i think.) The US version was all Tim Wright ("Cold Storage")

HERE'S HOW YOU IMPROVE THE PLAYSTATION CLASSIC

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