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HAVE A LOOK AT THESE SHITTING BABIES WHILE WE TELL YOU EVERYTHING WE KNOW ABOUT CALL OF DUTY: INFINITE WARFARE

2/5/2016

7 Comments

 
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OMG!!!! There's a new Call of Duty game coming out later this year!!!! No, really - there is!!!!!!! Can you believe it? Don't it make ya wanna smiiiile?!!!!? What will this one be about? What will it be like? We just don't know yet!!!!

In fact, we know very little about it, beyond a title, a handful of announcements, and some trailer footage.

Allow us to tell you everything there currently is to know about Call of Duty: Infinite Warfare, illustrated by a gallery of sumptuous screenshots (babies pooing).

A large part of Infinite Warfare will be set in outer space, at some point in the distant future. It will be the first ever video game to utilise such a scenario.
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As well as fighting with handguns in zero gravity, players will get the chance to pilot spaceships and engage in dogfights. Again - something no video game fan has ever experienced.
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It's Infinity Ward's first Call of Duty game since 2013's Ghosts. If you're struggling to remember Ghosts, it was the one with the... uh... the... uh... the soldiers. It might've had a dog in it. Or that might've been one of the other ones.
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Your opponents in the game are a fascistic organisation called the 'Settlement Defense Force'. Doubtlessly, the SDF will be an immediately memorable, and in no way generic, antagonist.
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Playing as "Captain Reyes", a "Tier One Special Operations pilot" from the "United Nations Space Alliance", players will command "one of Earth's last remaining warships".

​Thank goodness they cleared that up in the launch announcement! They were all things we'd been wondering/worrying about.
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Apparently, the game's story will contain "rich emotional arcs". Something the Call of Duty series is, of course, famed for.
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Infinite Warfare will also include the now-obligatory multiplayer and zombie modes - this being the first Infinity Ward-developed CoD game to feature a zombie mode. We're sure that's a game-changer for most of you.
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Certain editions of Infinite Warfare will include a fully remastered version of 2007's Modern Warfare, for some reason.
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Eric Hirschberg, CEO of publisher Activision, described the Modern Warfare remaster thusly: “We have lovingly remastered it with a whole new level of graphical fidelity and realism that wasn’t possible when the original was released".

​
He failed to add: "I don't know why we've done that... but, well... that's a thing that we've done."
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The remastered Modern Warfare will include 10 classic maps, allowing veteran players to relive some of their favourite abuse.
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Call of Duty: Infinite Warfare will be released on PC, Xbox One and PS4 on November 4th. It will be one of the biggest games of 2016.
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Here's the trailer:
FROM THE ARCHIVE:
​REVIEW: CALL OF DUTY - ADVANCED WARFARE (VARIOUS)
REVIEW: CALL OF DUTY - BLACK OPS 3 (VARIOUS, PS4 VERSION TESTED)
GAMES OF MY YEARS: XBOX 360

7 Comments
Alexisms
2/5/2016 08:59:59 pm

Superb! Back to your blocky teletext best!

Reply
Crumb
2/5/2016 09:35:57 pm

You neglected to add that it won't, in fact, be infinite as the star around which we orbit will eventually exhaust its fuel and die, rendering all of human endeavour ultimately meaningless and probably resulting in the servers being taken offline or somesuch.

Also, your thanks page features Nicholas Bennett and Nicholas Bennet. Which one is the evil parallel universe copy?

Reply
Penyrolewen
2/5/2016 11:47:08 pm

Looked like 'call of halo' to me. Or 'halo of duty'? Anyway, it looked different. I haven't played a COD since the one with, er, the soldiers and the, er, climbing maybe? Or maybe acid flashbacks. Or maybe that was just me. Dunno. Ages anyway. People moan that they don't change so maybe this will be better. I won't be able to play it anyway as I don't have an xbone or ps4. Don't think it's on wii u? NO. NOTHING IS. Oh. Star fox. It's about the same...

Reply
Super Bad Advice
3/5/2016 10:03:39 am

I genuinely couldn't make it through that trailer without laughing. It looks like a game dreamed up by a committee of execs desperately trying to think of cool stuff the kids like. Guns? Yay! Space? Yay! Guns...in space? Double yay!

And that woefully shitty Major Tom cover frames it beautifully - a crappy rip-off of a fabulous original.

Reply
Voodoo76
3/5/2016 12:03:37 pm

I love sarcasm it makes me happy, no really it does.

Reply
ChorltonWheelie
3/5/2016 07:24:25 pm

Guns? Yay! Space? Yay! Guns...in space? Double yay!
I'm not a kid and I'm going full on Yaaaaaay!

Reply
Wadaload
4/5/2016 06:59:11 pm

I hope Activision aren't aware that you revealed both the plot and online player base in this article.

Reply



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