DIGITISER
  • MAIN PAGE
  • Features
  • Videos
  • Game Reviews
  • FAQ

GAMING STREET MAGIC - With Dynamo the Street Magician

27/11/2014

2 Comments

 
Picture

Eeeeeeee! I’m Dynamo, the TV street magician. I’m all urban and stuff now, because some nice man at the telly place made me wear a hoodie, and sometimes a baseball cap, and some trainers... and… and… EEEeeeeeEEEeeeeee! EeeeeEEEEeee! EeeeeEeeeeeeeee! Eee! Ee.

Christmas is coming up fast, like an urban something or other, and if you’re anything like me you probably want to learn some really cool new street magic tricks to perform at the big family party, where you can impress your granddad. 

My granddad taught me all the tricks I know. My granddad was literally magic. He lived in a cupboard, and on the days he was too scared to come out I could hear him inside, drinking and singing sea shanties and dragging his knuckles against the doors.

Everyone knows that I love cool things, because I wear this hoodie what some nice man at the telly place told me to put on, but what could be cooler than learning to do magic with your own video games? 

Doing magic with your own video games while wearing a hoodie – that’s what! Eeeeeeeeeeee! EEeEeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! EEEEEE!!!

Blimey. That was a big one, granddad.

THE ENIGMATRIX

This trick is guaranteed to blow your family’s minds. They’re going to think you’re so cool and street after this. I’m already getting really excited for you!

Get hold of an old binliner – extra street cred if you steal one off the street tramp who lives outside Debenhams – and put a load of old rubbish inside, and tell everyone at the party that it’s actually full of your video games. 

Then set fire to the bag, and start shouting “Oh no! What have I done, granddad?”. Then – when the flames have subsided – go and get your actual games and that off a shelf or whever you keep them, and go, like, “Oh, it’s alright – they’re fine actually”.

Make this trick even cooler and more street by doing some rapping before, during, and afterwards.

MYSTERYMAXIMUS
Gather all your family around to play on your Wii (my granddad used to love the bowling).

While you’re waiting for your turn, as mum and dad try to figure out exactly how it works and bicker over whose turn it is, suddenly drop to your knees and go, like, “Oh my days! I’ve been possessed by the spirit of The Notorious B.I.G.” (pretty street, huh?). 

Eeeeeeeeee-eeeeeeeeee!

Then start rolling around on the floor, dragging your face around the carpet, talking in a really deep, urban sort of voice. Make it really convincing, so your granddad and everyone thinks you’re telling the truth.

Then, when they’re all really freaked out going like “Oh he’s even street when he’s possessed”, jump up and say stuff like “Ha ha! Fooled you! I wasn’t possessed by The Notorious B.F.G. – it was a magic trick!”.

Your granddad is going to love it. Just like my granddad loved it when I pretended to be possessed by Rosie and Jim.

Rosie and Jim, 
Rosie and Jim,
Chugging along on the old Ragdoll,
Rosie and Jim,
Rosie and Jim,
And John he steers the boat!


QUACK!

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Picture
FANTASIOUS
This is the ultimate trick for the urban street gaming fan. Wait until one of your family members is playing a really cool street-type game like Grand Theft Auto V, which has got ganstas and cool dudes in it. 

Then, when your family member has just started a mission, suddenly switch off the console!! Crazy! Street! Urban times! Rap! Street!

While they’re jumping around getting really cross, wondering what you did that for, just stand there looking all serious and street and cool. Wait for things to calm down, and then just gently announce that it’s ok, because the game has an auto-save feature, and providing you haven’t corrupted the hard drive, they’ll be able to resume their game more or less where they left off.

And that’s street magic! Eeeeeee!!!! Look at me, granddad – I’m stuck to the side of a bus!!!!! 

Oh no! I need a poo! Granddad! Eeeeeee! 

I NEED A POO! GRANDAAAD!!!

2 Comments
Mr Smith
12/1/2015 09:49:43 am

No comments? I've been dredging the archives for scraps I've not read yet. The bit about dragging your face along the floor while being possessed made me tense up with laughter. Tense up HARD.

These magic tricks remind me of the time The Man bought a wheat field, because he'd been crawling around in it and found a jar of peanut butter, and decided to farm said field for peanut butter.

Reply
Cheggers flays pop link
15/1/2015 02:50:17 am

Ooh, a secret untouched grotto of the site. A comments section no one visits. Shall I make it a repository for strange thoughts?

Such an idea reminds me of Craig George, who found an online article on Gamasutra and filled it 190+ comments on strange Zelda insanity.

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    This section will not be visible in live published website. Below are your current settings:


    Current Number Of Columns are = 2

    Expand Posts Area =

    Gap/Space Between Posts = 12px

    Blog Post Style = card

    Use of custom card colors instead of default colors = 1

    Blog Post Card Background Color = current color

    Blog Post Card Shadow Color = current color

    Blog Post Card Border Color = current color

    Publish the website and visit your blog page to see the results

    Picture
    Support Me on Ko-fi
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    RSS Feed Widget
    Picture

    Picture
    Tweets by @mrbiffo
    Picture
    Follow us on The Facebook

    Picture

    Archives

    March 2023
    February 2023
    January 2023
    December 2022
    May 2022
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    November 2020
    September 2020
    July 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014


    RSS Feed

Picture
This site Copyright Paul Rose 2016 - All images Copyright respective copyright holders
  • MAIN PAGE
  • Features
  • Videos
  • Game Reviews
  • FAQ