GAMING STREET MAGIC - With Dynamo the Street Magician

Eeeeeeee! I’m Dynamo, the TV street magician. I’m all urban and stuff now, because some nice man at the telly place made me wear a hoodie, and sometimes a baseball cap, and some trainers... and… and… EEEeeeeeEEEeeeeee! EeeeeEEEEeee! EeeeeEeeeeeeeee! Eee! Ee.

Christmas is coming up fast, like an urban something or other, and if you’re anything like me you probably want to learn some really cool new street magic tricks to perform at the big family party, where you can impress your granddad. 

My granddad taught me all the tricks I know. My granddad was literally magic. He lived in a cupboard, and on the days he was too scared to come out I could hear him inside, drinking and singing sea shanties and dragging his knuckles against the doors.

Everyone knows that I love cool things, because I wear this hoodie what some nice man at the telly place told me to put on, but what could be cooler than learning to do magic with your own video games? 

Doing magic with your own video games while wearing a hoodie – that’s what! Eeeeeeeeeeee! EEeEeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! EEEEEE!!!

Blimey. That was a big one, granddad.

THE ENIGMATRIX
This trick is guaranteed to blow your family’s minds. They’re going to think you’re so cool and street after this. I’m already getting really excited for you!

Get hold of an old binliner – extra street cred if you steal one off the street tramp who lives outside Debenhams – and put a load of old rubbish inside, and tell everyone at the party that it’s actually full of your video games. 

Then set fire to the bag, and start shouting “Oh no! What have I done, granddad?”. Then – when the flames have subsided – go and get your actual games and that off a shelf or whever you keep them, and go, like, “Oh, it’s alright – they’re fine actually”.

Make this trick even cooler and more street by doing some rapping before, during, and afterwards.

MYSTERYMAXIMUS
Gather all your family around to play on your Wii (my granddad used to love the bowling).

While you’re waiting for your turn, as mum and dad try to figure out exactly how it works and bicker over whose turn it is, suddenly drop to your knees and go, like, “Oh my days! I’ve been possessed by the spirit of The Notorious B.I.G.” (pretty street, huh?). 

Eeeeeeeeee-eeeeeeeeee!

Then start rolling around on the floor, dragging your face around the carpet, talking in a really deep, urban sort of voice. Make it really convincing, so your granddad and everyone thinks you’re telling the truth.

Then, when they’re all really freaked out going like “Oh he’s even street when he’s possessed”, jump up and say stuff like “Ha ha! Fooled you! I wasn’t possessed by The Notorious B.F.G. – it was a magic trick!”.

Your granddad is going to love it. Just like my granddad loved it when I pretended to be possessed by Rosie and Jim.

Rosie and Jim, 
Rosie and Jim,
Chugging along on the old Ragdoll,
Rosie and Jim,
Rosie and Jim,
And John he steers the boat!

QUACK!

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

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FANTASIOUS
This is the ultimate trick for the urban street gaming fan. Wait until one of your family members is playing a really cool street-type game like Grand Theft Auto V, which has got ganstas and cool dudes in it. 

Then, when your family member has just started a mission, suddenly switch off the console!! Crazy! Street! Urban times! Rap! Street!

While they’re jumping around getting really cross, wondering what you did that for, just stand there looking all serious and street and cool. Wait for things to calm down, and then just gently announce that it’s ok, because the game has an auto-save feature, and providing you haven’t corrupted the hard drive, they’ll be able to resume their game more or less where they left off.

And that’s street magic! Eeeeeee!!!! Look at me, granddad – I’m stuck to the side of a bus!!!!! 

Oh no! I need a poo! Granddad! Eeeeeee! 

I NEED A POO! GRANDAAAD!!!

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