Let’s set the scene… You discover that your favourite video game character is receiving their own statue. It doesn’t matter that it costs a ridiculous amount of money and is too large to display anywhere in your house. None of that will stop you from forking out for an effigy of your beloved icon.
But the dream of sharing your home with a miniature of your gaming hero sometimes turns into a nightmare… Some of these creations are so hideous, they resemble the love child of Sloth from the Goonies and that bloke who drove into the chemical waste in RoboCop.
So, with a tear in your eye, off they go back into the box for all eternity as you’re too embarrassed to display it!
In honour of these computer chagrins, here are some of the worst examples of Special Edition Statues:
Officially released on Blizzard’s very own website, this early statue of Tracer was coined “Monkey Face” by fans and disgruntled purchasers. An embarrassed Blizzard even had to admit how awful Tracer looked, when they offered a recall and replaced it with a far more accurate version.
In an ironic twist, Monkey Face Tracer is now highly sought after, and goes for silly amounts of money on eBay, possibly by people with way too much money and in desperate need of a laugh.
Miss Croft’s second adventure in the rebooted franchise has her meeting Jesus Christ, who has been conveniently living in a cave with zombie Romans for the past 2000 years (keep in mind, this is a story written by Terry Pratchett’s daughter), got all the razzmatazz of a special edition, including… you guessed it… a statue!
I know the statue is supposed to be depicting Lara trying to see in a snow storm, but the physical inability to recreate weather conditions in resin leaves her with a bizarre look on her face, like she’s wondering if she left the gas on when she went out this morning.
Again, as with the Tracer statue, Square Enix would quickly commission Japanese modellers Play Arts to make a much nicer version of the lady of lifeless larceny for their Kai series of models. Though the original owners would have to fork out for another themselves this time.
So, releasing the game with an awful collector’s edition statue is just the cherry on top of this massive poo cake.
Only released in the UK, this statue of Alone in the Dark’sprotagonist, Edward Carnby looks absolutely nothing like his in-game persona. Instead of a brazened, demon hunting bad-ass, we’re treated to a dishevelled, strangely yellow man, with a permanent look on his face like he’s trying to recall where he left his car keys.
I remember nabbing one of these when stores were flogging off the special editions for a fiver, though, bizarrely they still wanted £20 for the regular edition. So you know it’s a terrible statue when retailers charge you fifteen quid more for the privilege of NOT owning it!
Marth’s severely off-design look is really all down to Nintendo not expecting the tsunami of demand for Amiibos upon release and rushing them out the door.
While we saw rejects like Samus with two arm cannons, and Pikachu with a tail protruding from his head, we have poor old Marth here looking like a 14-year-old’s fan art interpretation of him.
It may be down to the statue being so microscopic, but she has that awful teenager’s “my first anime drawing” look about her, with wonky, vastly oversized saucer eyes, and her looking in multiple directions at the same time.
It’s almost like a 3D recreation of that drawing Napoleon Dynamite does!
Obviously made on the cheap as they were intended to be freebies (not that Gearbox would ever skimp out on their products (*cough* Aliens: Colonial Marines *cough*), what they actually resembled were the contents of a Kinder egg factory's reject bin.
Whoever painted them clearly doesn’t know what eyes look like either, as they both look like they’re completely out of their heads. Then again, listening to Randy Pitchford’s inane ramblings would probably do that to a person.
Unfortunately, misconstruing the popularity of Max Payne 3 wasn’t Rockstar’s only mistake. Skimping out on the plastic quality didn’t exactly do the house of Grand Theft Auto any favours either, as any heat applied to Mr Payne for period of time, even leaving him on a windowsill, will give him severe rickets.
And if having wonky legs wasn’t bad enough, they went a little too far with poor ol’ Max’s mug. I know he’s supposed to be a deep, brooding ex-cop out to avenge the murder of his wife and child, but did they have to give Maxwell a “my mum won’t buy me that toy I saw” grumpy face?
Then again, Geralt did cameo as a fighter in Soul Calibur VI, so maybe he’s secretly after Voldo’s job in that game?
Originally released in 2012 by Secret Compass in a limited batch of 550 (thankfully), this statue of Chun-Li is hilarious just as much as it is horrific. Chunners here is a real Friday afternoon job. Cross-eyed, brown teeth, and enough orange eye shadow to put even David Dickinson to shame. Worst of all, this bloomin’ monstrosity cost $315 at launch. Talk about buyers’ remorse!!!
Thankfully, another company stepped in and offered anyone unfortunate enough to buy one a free re-paint, making the first lady of fighting look more like her in-game counterpart.
But it puts a big ol’ grin on my face whenever I see that image. :D