"C'mon! Gimme some gaming news! Gimme fast! I gotta get down the ironic old man pub to drink craft ale out of a Viking drinking horn!"
- "What the hell was that? Mate, that was basically a novel! I need my news with the fat trimmed off! C'mon! Stop forcing me to read this pile of botch!"
+++ ITEM! Electronic Arts has hinted that its follow-up to Titanfall, last year's well-received Xbox 360/Xbox One exclusive, will be a multi-platform title. When discussing a sequel, the company said: "It will probably be a bigger footprint than just a single platform. I think that's a huge positive for us."
- "Less words, but well more boring. My interest is waning here! Let's go! Hurry up - or I'm gonna go back to posting pictures of my espadrilles to Instagram!"
+++ ITEM! Atari arcade classic Asteroids is getting a PC-only remake. Asteroids: Outpost ditches the original arcade gameplay in favour of "an open-world, sandbox-style, survival experience, where players mine, build and defend their base and grow their fortune as they go 'from rocks to riches'".
- "You're blinding me with detail! Get this thing moving! I got sites to click on! Clickclickclick!"
+++ ITEM! Feminist gaming icon Anita Sarkeesian - whose Tropes Vs Women video series examines portrayals of gender tropes in games - has inspired a character in the forthcoming Towerfall: Ascenion expansion, Dark World.
- "I couldn't care less! Why is this news? 'Some stuff happened with some stuff and blah blah and a feminist is involved'. Move on, or you're gonna commit murder by tedium."
+++ ITEM! More than six million people have played the Battlefield Hardline beta since it went live last week. The full game is released next month.
- "Is that interesting? To anyone? No. Why bother reporting it. It's proper botch. You're just filling space with numbers. C'mon! You gotta do better, or I'm off to make a kale and mint smoothie."
+++ ITEM! Super Smash Bros 3DS now features Amiibo support - but only for those with the newest model of 3DS. An add-on will be coming later this year for those with the older versions.
- "You're just extracting the Michaelios here, mate. That was like about a zillion words. Who has time for words? Words are a cancer on our wired-up society. Words slow us down. Words stop us skimming across the surface of the planet like a cool rock!"
+++ ITEM! Something to do with Steam or Valve or something.
- "Now we're talking! That's the kind of news I'm down with! Good work, guy!"
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