"Greetings. I am the Games Master. I have a brain the size of a big planet, and know everything there is to know about games.
"I am ready to welcome another selection of young gamers who are finding themselves in all manner of video gaming difficulty. Bring on this week's gaming problems!"
"I am ready to welcome another selection of young gamers who are finding themselves in all manner of video gaming difficulty. Bring on this week's gaming problems!"
HELLO, GAMESMASTER. HOW DO I GET INFINITE LIVES IN LETHAL ENFORCES 2 FOR THE SNES?
"By fetching me a pair of your mother's softest and oldest knickers."
HELLO, GAMESMASTER. I'M STUCK ON SUNSET RIDERS FOR THE MEGA DRIVE. IS THERE A WAY TO MAKE IT ANY EASIER?
"Of course there is. First you must buy a Polaroid camera. Then, go into your mother's bedroom, and take several photographs of the contents of her underwear drawer. Better still - spread everything out on the bed. Then send the pictures to me. It's really not as creepy as it sounds. This sort of thing is quite normal, and happens all the time."
HELLO, GAMESMASTER. I'VE COMPLETED DAYTONA USA ON THE SEGA SATURN. IS THERE ANY WAY TO GET SOME EXTRA LIFE OUT OF IT?
"I'm glad you asked me that. What you need to do is gather up as many of your mother's bras as you can find lying around your house - the older and more tattered the better - and pop them in the post to me. If you get caught, don't say that we've spoken. She'd be really cross with you."
GAMESMASTER, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DEFEAT BOWSER IN SUPER MARIO 64 FOR THE N64. CAN YOU HELP?
"Well of course I can help. I'm the Gamesmaster. What you must do is find me a pair of your mother's tainted underpanties, and send them to me as quickly as possible. Preferably by courier. Do you have the number of a courier? I can give you one."
HELLO GAMESMASTER. WHERE CAN I FIND THE BFG IN DOOM?
"That's a very good question, and I'll tell you the answer if - and only if - you send me a pair of your mother's old tights and one of her bikinis (ideally not one with a padded top). Does she wear bikinis? I bet she does. Make sure the stuff hasn't been through the wash yet. I don't want to do anything debauched with them. I just need them for something, but I don't want to say what."
GAMESMASTER. PLEASE CAN YOU HELP ME BE GORO IN MORTAL KOMBAT FOR THE SEGA MEGA DRIVE?
"Yes I can help you. But first you must do something for me. Does your mother ever wear shorts? Find me her shortest pair of shorts, and send those to me. One more thing: make sure she's been wearing them on a warm day, and hasn't washed them yet. It's not for any sort of strange reason, so don't worry. Also - if she's got any old swimsuits she hasn't washed yet. One with a removable inner gusset lining would be best."
HELLO, GAMESMASTER. I'M HAVING TROUBLE ACTIVATING THE BIG HEAD CHEAT ON NBA JAM FOR THE SUPER NES. DO YOU KNOW WHAT I'M DOING WRONG?
"Yes. Yes I do know that. What you are doing wrong is you are not sending me enough of your mother's knickers. I only want a few pairs. Just the old ones that she might be thinking of throwing out soon. It's not for anything weird. Come on now. Just send them over. Please. And a pair of her leggings, if she's got any."
GAMESMASTER. HELLO. I CAN'T GET THROUGH THE MINE KART LEVEL IN DONKEY KONG COUNTRY. IS THERE A WAY TO SKIP IT?
"Yes, but I'm hardly concerned with that right now. Please. Send knickers. Used ones. It's not for a pervert reason. I just want some of your mother's knickers. Come on now! Nobody's sending me any knickers. Why aren't you sending me any knickers?"
HELLO, GAMESMASTER. I CAN'T DEFEAT SEPHIROTH IN FINAL FANTASY 7 FOR THE PLAYSTATION. DO YOU HAVE ANY TIPS?
"First I have a question for you: why are you not sending me your mother's sullied briefs? Like I've said, I just need them for something. It's not something creepy or dirty, but I don't want to say what. Don't tell your parents I asked you. They'd stop your pocket money and be really mad. At you."
HELLO, GAMESMASTER. I'M CALLING THE POLICE.
"What's that you say? You want infinite continues in Super Street Fighter II: The World Warrior for the Super NES? Press Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left and then B."
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