GAMES OF MY YEARS: DIGITISER - PART ELEVEN by Mr Biffo

13/12/2015

I was all out of fight.

It looked as if Digitiser was going to end with a whimper, hobbled and prostrate in a decomposing trough somewhere, forgotten, betrayed, and left to die through the resigned capitulation of its last standing custodian: Mollivan Parp (me).

But get a load of this: Digitiser's audience wasn't prepared to forget it.

The letters continued to pour into Teletext's vents - and phone calls and emails too. The more the complaints happened, the more Digitiser's viewing figures dropped off.

From a high of about 1.5 million viewers a week, we were down to around 400,000 (maybe less). Still respectable, but clearly... something was amiss. For reasons that we can perhaps speculate about, the editorial decision to exorcise the "obscure" humour, and reduce the frequency of its updates, had driven away a large part of the audience. This was undoubtedly troubling to a company relying on advertising sales to keep it buoyant.

It was almost as if Digi's "excluding" funnies - considered so noxious and obtuse that viewers shuddered furiously at their televisions, slipping and sliding around on the rivers of rage-inflected foam that issued forth from their beaks - were anything but.

Indeed, it was almost as if Digitiser's style (admittedly, through happy accident rather than design) made its audience feel like they were part of something special.

Something that was theirs. Heck, it was almost as if loads of people had liked Digitiser exactly as it had been, and got pissed off when a bunch of narrow-minded Peter Principale-ers took it away from them.

Just as Teletext had taken it away from me, from Tim, and from its Panel 4 columnists.

The fight that I no longer had the will for was being taken up by its readers. There was never any sort of orchestrated campaign - these were the days before people started using the Internet to manufacture and mobilise pitchfork-wielding virtual mobs. Those who wrote in, or called, were simply motivated off their own backs. It was glorious.

THE RETURN
Did I think all those complaints were going to make a difference though?

Not really. I mean, I appreciated it hugely. I felt vindicated - relieved almost - that the nearly 10 years of Digi hadn't been a waste of my time, and that it hadn't been secretly hated by everyone all along, as I'd been led to believe.

But I thought I knew how Digitiser was viewed within Teletext. As I've stated previously, I know that we pushed things, and arsed around, and, goshdammit, committed the cardinal sin of trying to enjoy our job (or - to look at it another way - the one life we'd all been given). We didn't want to conform to wearing a suit and a tie, and being as dull as possible, simply because that's what is expected.

More significantly, Tim, myself, Adam, Gavin... we believed that we'd done precisely what we'd been employed to do - provide Teletext with a video games magazine that was successful. In fact, we all felt we'd gone beyond that, and provided Teletext with a video games magazine that was loved.

We did it the only way we knew how... never realising that part of the brief had included the small print: "Do not include any humour that the management doesn't find funny, otherwise they'll get paranoid that you're laughing at them".

Yet, if they hadn't kept such a close eye on us - which, admittedly, we'd brought upon ourselves to a point - we wouldn't have had anything to kick against. The management, as much as us, created Digitiser.

As it turned out, Digitiser even had fans in the editorial department... and those combined with the continuing tsunami of complaints calling for Digitiser to return to its former gloryhole, coupled to the seemingly doomed spiral of the viewing figures, would cause a tipping point.

Against the odds, after all the years of Teletext doing its level best to bring Digitiser to heel... Digitiser would win.

NINE MONTHS LATER...
Nine months or so after the previously fateful meeting, I was invited back into the office.

This time, the call had come from Teletext's Executive Editor - we'd met a few times, and I'd always liked her. She was down-to-earth, no-nonsense. She seemed to lack the all-consuming ambition of other managers there (it probably speaks volumes that in due course she left the company, and moved into NLP and hypnosis).

Over the phone, I could hear the warmth in her voice.

Unless I was part of some elaborate deceit... something had shifted. I was cautiously optimistic.

Unfortunately, also due to be at the meeting was the Evil Deputy Features Editor - the one who had been almost comically discourteous to me earlier in the year. However, throughout this meeting he barely said a word, just sat there scowling, squirming, and occasionally pushing out a thin smile, in the face of my unflinching niceness. But then, most of us would have done the same in his position.

You know those videos where Internet trolls are made to meet their victims and explain their actions? Yeah, it was like that.

The Executive Editor explained about the complaints from the viewers, and how Digitiser was clearly loved, and how they would like it to go back to being a daily page again. Admittedly, they didn't offer me more money, but by this point I didn't really care. I'd started earning just enough from TV writing, and I was just happy for the opportunity to salvage something from the mess of the past year.

There was no apology, no admission that they had gotten things wrong, but as I was leaving I was shown out by the Evil Deputy Features Editor, and he muttered something...

"I'm sorry?" I said, not quite believing that a grown man had just spoken to me in the manner of an admonished toddler.

"We also want you to bring back the charactersandthehumourifthat'salrightandyeahokaythenbye."

And he was gone. No doubt to have a bit of a cry, and choke on all that humble pie he'd just been forced to inhale.

IT'S BACK!
So Digitiser went back on itself.

It had a new look. The red-and-cyan wasn't as fun and warm as the old blue-and-green, but to all intents and purposes it was the Digitiser everyone wanted - even by Teletext itself, astonishingly.

Much as we hadn't announced the axing of the humour, so its return simply happened. Sadly, there wasn't the money to bring back the columnists, but everything else was there. The Man, his Daddy, the Snakes, Mr T...

I went all out. There was no need to sneak anything past them - they'd asked for it. For the first time in Digi's history I had a mandate for stupid stuff.

But... it wasn't quite the same. Something was missing for me. It's like being dumped by someone... and then trying again. Somehow there wasn't enough distance between me and Digitiser, and everything that had happened. After Digi had been de-funnied, I'd as good as left; doing it with the absolute minimum effort, and taking the reduced pay I'd been offered, and just figuring - hey; at least I get free games!

Putting Digi back the way it had been, I realised that I was still nursing my wounds. I couldn't forgive and forget. For as long as I stayed, there would always be the threat of them taking it away from me again. I couldn't trust them.

ON EDGE
Shortly after Digi's resurgence, I was contacted by Ste Curran from Edge magazine, asking if I'd be interviewed for a feature on Digitiser. I was flattered - not least because Edge was so highly respected. Plus, it had always covered games, not other games magazines, so this was a rare honour.

I had a good few hours in the pub with Ste, talking through Digi's history, its recent humour-cull, and return. I tried to be as diplomatic as I could.

As I headed home, I reflected upon the past ten years, all that had happened, how much I still missed working with Tim, and with Adam. Gavin got Digitiser, but he was already spending much of his time working on the sports desk, and it just wasn't the same working from home. There wasn't the camaraderie that I'd loved. I felt isolated.

I thought about how Digitiser's readers had campaigned for its return. And I thought about how I'd feel if Teletext tried to kick it out of my hands again. If I was ever going to go out on a high, I was unlikely to get a better opportunity.

But still, that was a big decision... quitting Digi would mean walking the tightrope without the safety net for the very first time, and somebody was going to need to push me out onto the wire first...

GAVIN LAMBERT KILLED DIGITISER
So, I got this call from Gavin. He wanted to warn me that I was going to be hearing from the Evil Deputy Features Editor again, and he didn't think it was going to be good news.

In fact, he was pretty certain they were about to axe Digitiser.

I hung up, feeling heavy and weary. I may even have groaned "Not again..."

Before I had the opportunity to take it all in, my phone rang. As forewarned, it was the Evil Deputy Features Editor: could I come in for a meeting as soon as possible?

I said fine, and ended the call... but something had broken irreparably. I felt angry. I'd done this dance too many times. For the past six years I'd lived with the threat hanging over my head that at any moment they could pull the plug on Digitiser, taking my income with it, taking something I loved with it. I couldn't do it again. I was no longer prepared to let them have that over me, to be able to detonate my life on a whim.

So I called him back. Immediately. And this is how the call went:

"Yeah. Uh, actually, I don't think I want to come in for a meeting, because I'm actually quitting Digitiser."

He sounded genuinely shocked, rattled: "Er. Oh. Really? Er... well, actually... we were going to ask you to expand the section."

"Right. I see..."

"I'm a bit surprised by this."

"Yep. Me too. Well, I still want to quit."

"Are you sure?

"...Yes."

I called Gavin straight away, and pointed out his mistake; rather than axe Digi, they were going to expand it. Of course, it wasn't quite an "I've seen the new trailer for Jurassic World a year before the rest of the world" scale of error, but it was still a pretty big mistake, which had just cost me my job. Nevertheless, it was ok. It was fine. It was time to go, and I knew it.

Would I have quit Digi if Gavin hadn't called telling me they were going to be axing it? Almost definitely, sooner or later. The way I was feeling, it was inevitable.

I was done with other people holding my life, my happiness, my security, my stability, in their hands. Whether in work, or in relationships, or at school, or at home, I'd always given too much power to others. That conclusion might sound empowering written down, but if manifested in the wrong way can be hugely messed-up...

FOUR MONTHS LEFT
I was going to suggest to Teletext that they change the name of Digitiser - whatever followed was going to be exposed to intense scrutiny, and keeping the name would've only made it worse.

And if they kept the Digitiser name, whomever took over - it turned out to be Edge Magazine's Tony Mott, beneath the banner of Game Central - would be expected to retain the humour and the characters.

They beat me to it. Whether they just wanted to bury Digitiser once and for all, or whether they realised the same things I did, Digitiser was going to end when I stopped writing it.

I'd given them a generous four months to find a replacement, and said I'd leave for good in March 2003; ten years and just over two months since Teletext launched.

Of course, I was also buying time by doing that; I needed to get used to the idea of not writing Digitiser anymore. I needed to make sure that I could find enough other work to keep a roof over my head, and feed my daughters.

It also gave me scope to ensure those final four months were to be the most Digitiser-y Digitiser had ever been. They couldn't touch me now, and the only time I can recall anything being sub-editted out towards the end was a reference to the Tin Man swinging his rusty chopper around so hard that the head flew off. I tried it again a couple of days later, and got away with it.

GRAND FINALE
The last press event I attended for Digitiser was the launch of Nokia's ill-fated N-Gage. They'd gone all out - a champagne reception on the London Eye, followed by a party attended by the latest Lara Croft model. It was hardly me leaving on a high; I'd previously been to launches for Ocarina of Time, Starwing, Sonic 2, Halo...

I knew that the N-Gage was going to flop, just as I knew the Jaguar, CD-32, 3DO, 32X, and Dreamcast were going to flop. I'd reviewed probably thousands of games, and knew the video games industry inside-out. I could sense its currents and eddies. But the failure of the N-Gage would be for somebody else to report on.

In all honesty, Teletext were good to me in the end. The company seemed to accept that Digi was popular, even if they didn't understand why, and that I wasn't the anti-Christ. That, actually, I was more or less quite nice.

Looking back now, I don't have any resentment towards anybody I worked with at Teletext. Except, perhaps, the second Evil Deputy Features Editor. I can't quite let that go.

Everyone else was just doing their job, and Digi must've felt like it challenged their ability to do it. Plus, it must've frustrated them that it was popular in spite of that. I owe a lot to those who gave me the opportunity. It changed my life.

Some years ago, I got an email from Teletext's Editor-in-Chief.

He'd once been the sub who'd taken such issue with "finger the index", and delivered the humour/character cull from on high. He was inviting me to a party to commemorate Teletext closing down, as - in his words - I'd been an important part of the Teletext story. His email was civil and friendly, and acknowledged that things hadn't always been easy between me and the company. It was a nice gesture, and much appreciated.

I said I'd go along. Of course I didn't actually go...

TURNER THE WORM IS UNWELL
The final graphic I ever did for Teletext is the one that seems to be most fondly remembered - if anyone can have fond memories of a recently ejaculated phallus masquerading as a children's cartoon character.

I wish there was more of an anecdote behind it, but there's honestly not a lot to say. As with most of the things I ever did on Digi, I didn't really give it a second thought (which was half the problem...). I kind of had to go out on a high, with potentially the most controversial thing imaginable. Something which summed-up all of the past ten years... and which somehow even included Turner the Worm; my other major contribution to Teletext.

I knew there was a chance it would get removed. At the same time... in the previous couple of weeks so much scarcely-concealed innuendo had gone out on Digi that somebody was clearly letting things through that would have previously set off the alarms.

I was later told that there had been a brief discussion between the sub-editors about whether to allow the "worm" to air. The final decision rested with the Chief Sub, who cleared it. As far as I know, Teletext never got any complaints.

ONE-SIDE STORY
The telling of this story has been one-sided. You only got to hear how I experienced it.

I've tried, as much as possible, not to be clouded by my own 'stuff', but it's inevitable that some of it would've gotten in the way.

Describing people as "evil" - as I did two of the players in the tale - is obviously highly subjective (not to mention tongue-in-cheek).

Ultimately, everyone is the hero (sometimes even the villain) in their own story. Every person mentioned in this tale has their own movie playing out around them. Sometimes I'm a main character. For others I might be the antagonist, or just appearing in a scene or two. For some I'm merely a non-speaking extra fannying about in the background... And that's the same for all of us.

The story I've told has a beginning, a middle, and an end... but it's just one story. Life isn't like that.

I wish I could say that after Digitiser my life was all rainbows and skipping through meadows. Certainly, I could tell a version wherein I became a relatively successful TV writer, and won some awards, and collaborated again with Tim Moore on a TV pilot that - true to form - we loved, but was hated by the people who had commissioned it. But, sadly, the stuff that sticks from the years immediately after Teletext isn't always happy.

In all honesty, leaving Digitiser ungrounded me for a while. It happened at the wrong time, when I no longer had the assurance of a stable home life. I went a bit mental, and sometimes when you're flailing around looking for solid ground, people get elbowed in the face.

Mercifully, I rediscovered stability in the end. If my story were to conclude today, it would have a happy ending. A very happy ending. Although, if my story did end today, it would have to end with me dying, which would be less happy for those around me, probably.

And as you know, because you're reading this, I found Digitiser again - or Digitiser2000 at least - having turned my back on Digitiser and Mr Biffo for a long time.

Sometimes you can't see something because it's too close to your face, or you're standing right on top of it; the observation deck of the Empire State Building is the worst place in New York to take a snapshot of the Empire State Building. I had to take a step back, and get some perspective, and I'm glad I did, because I can finally see how important Digitiser has been to my life.

PLEXPO
Earlier this year, I got asked to give a talk at the PlayExpo in Manchester.

I'd expected a handful of people to show up, but it was standing room only. Twelve years after Digitiser ended, eight years after Mr Biffo had vanished off the face of the earth, people were still interested.

There was a brief Q&A section at the end of the panel, and I got asked by an audience member what I considered to be the meaning of life.

I'm sure he was looking for a funny answer - "Shoes filled with prawns and dentist poo!" I could've said to uproarious laughter - but I could only think of something sincere.

Wincing at my own profound earnestness, I told him that the most important thing in life is to be with people who let you be you. Whether it's your other half, a best friend, colleagues, your parents, your children, or simply yourself... you deserve to be celebrated - not pressured to conform to the ideals of others. For the most part, I've got that today, in spades; an amazing partner, great kids, good mates - and people I've mostly never met who support my writing. I'm blessed.

It's too easy to fall into roles, or relationships, or jobs, where your unique you-ness is suppressed, or not valued. It doesn't matter if you're crap at DIY, or hate football, or you're messy, or scruffy, or clumsy, or have a weird sense of humour, or like video games - find places in life where all of that is appreciated. Or, at least, not beaten down. Don't compromise on this.

Because that's what Digitiser always gave me. It gave me a place, an outlet, where my weird sense of humour, where my geekiness - which has always been such a part of me, since I played my first arcade games, since I came downstairs on Christmas morning to a brand new ZX Spectrum, or spent my first pay cheque on a Sega Master System - was accepted, and allowed to be, by its readers.

I could talk video games, and I could make stupid jokes that made me laugh. How could I ever compromise when what I was doing was apparently being appreciated by so many?

I may never have understood it at the time, may have not been able to find the words back then... but I've come to realise that Digitiser showed me who I am - and that it was ok-me-do.

And!

70 Comments

Kelvin Green link

13/12/2015 02:34:04 pm

(Insert image of Orson Welles applauding)

Aonghous

13/12/2015 02:44:37 pm

I remember very clearly how I felt when that last Digi aired, I sat and copied by hand all of the text into a notepad as I knew it would shortly be gone...forever. This was an early example of why I later failed terribly in my career as a futurist, as I never considered other (brighter) people might archive it online. Still miss it. Lost that notepad. Loved this series of articles.

Paulvw

13/12/2015 03:02:17 pm

Absolutely Brilliant. Cheers Mr Biffo, you made my week (again).

Matt N link

13/12/2015 03:11:54 pm

Thank you for taking the time to write such a personal - and potentially quite painful - series of articles. It's been a fascinating insight into the Digi phenomenon, and your comments about being true to yourself are absolutely spot on. You have my respect and gratitude for the work you did then, and the work you're doing now because it really is something unique and funny as all hell. I do not cuss you bad.

Retro Resolution link

13/12/2015 03:12:13 pm

Humbling. Many thanks for these eleven enchanting and illuminating posts Mr. Biffo

Zoë Kirk-Robinson link

13/12/2015 03:19:45 pm

Wow, there's such sadness behind a lot of this. I remember reading Digi as a teenager and thinking it was amazing and that the people behind it must be having such a great time.

Seeing it from the other side just goes to show how great the writing was to put out something so great despite all the backroom problems.

Thanks for the good times back then, and thanks for continuing that now with this site. It's helping a lot of us to never have to grow up. :)

Adam H

13/12/2015 03:42:03 pm

This series alone has made it worth being a Patreon subscriber. I would literally sell my internal organs (well, not "literally" literally) to buy an expanded version of this as a book. I actually had a bit of a lump in my throat at times.

Mr Smith

13/12/2015 04:04:31 pm

I have a melancholy pain in my chest after reading that. A wonderful conclusion.

I'm grateful to have experience Digi throughout my teen years. I missed the last year of it due to not having a TV (humour cull and resurgence era), but for many years prior it was essential reading before school, followed by talk of it with friends at lunch. I even recall the day our IT teacher set-up some means of reading all the Teletext pages on the school computers. You can be damn sure Digi was the first thing our group went to.

Bloody hell. It's been 22 years since the start...?

Dagenham Swish

13/12/2015 04:18:47 pm

Cheers Biffo. Fascinating read, I cannot thank you enough for such insight.

In my teens 3 things really helped develop my sense of humour more than anything else: my family, Charles Schulz' Peanuts and Digitiser.

Long live Digitiser2000 and all who sail within her

Kirby

13/12/2015 04:44:01 pm

A great read start to finish. :)

I can see myself re-reading this anytime I'm feeling glum about job issues.

Left Handed Warrior Princess

13/12/2015 04:51:25 pm

Honestly one of the best things I've read in forever. Bravo, Biffo.

Neil

13/12/2015 04:58:00 pm

Best thing I've read in forever. Gripping and funny, with an ejaculating penis (worm) near the end. Splendid!

Robert Luckett link

13/12/2015 05:25:02 pm

Glorious read. Brightened up a fairly terrible week substantially.

Add some pieces by Hairs, Cheese, and Udders, and some extra anecdotes from your good self if theres any left to spare, slop it into a coffee table book and frame it all with screenshots and crisp teletext art please! Digitiser was a formative part of my youth ("internet before the internet") and would love an iconic book of it on me shelves.

Mr Biffo

13/12/2015 08:08:26 pm

Big plans along those lines... Stay tuned. Glad you enjoyed it, Robert.

13/12/2015 05:27:33 pm

This has been the worst choose your own adventure game ever.

In all seriousness, like the best music that can be listened to year after year as a reminder of happier times, digitiser and your writing have coloured my school-, university-, professional- and personal-life.

Don't stop.

Paulio

13/12/2015 05:37:14 pm

Permission to gush-o.
I read Digitiser from 1996 to its demise. I was 11 when I started and 17 and the end. Roughly six years that basically formulated most of who I am today, a month off my 31st birthday.
At 11, When I probably shouldn't have, I GOT Digitiser. The humour was a revelation to me. I'd get home from school and reading Digi would be the first thing I'd do.
In 1996, I was still clinging onto my SNES having passed on the Saturn and PlayStation for Christmas presents the previous couple of years. Thus I had been anticipating the launch of the N64 and had started reading everything I could about the console's power, cost, launch titles etc. I went to the obvious places first: Official Nintendo Magazine, CVG, Nintendo Power and so on. And when they didn't sate my appetite for all things N64, I looked deeper.

So that's how I found Digitiser. And much as has been written here, shortly afterwards I didn't read it for video games. At all. It was purely for the characters and humour. As I got older, kind of surreal stuff on Digi sent me on a quest to find similar things. So Digitiser is what encouraged me to seek out the likes of Python and Monkey Dust.
Digitiser taught me some life lessons too. At the same time I got into Digitiser, a long time friend did the same. We'd walk to they the school bus together and discuss what had been on the previous day. Unlike me, he just didn't get it. When I was laughing about the Snakes or Fat Sow, he'd be talking about FIFA topping the all-format chart again. He was, and I'm sure still is, a genuinely nice lad, but Digitiser made me realise we didn't have that much in common other than games. Maybe we wouldn't be lifelong friends. And it's true, we aren't.
I loved Digitiser, in many ways it frames my teenage years. I'm delighted that it's back in some form.
And!

13/12/2015 08:10:33 pm

Man... it's properly overwhelming to read stuff like that. It was an honour, Paulio.

23 Daves link

13/12/2015 05:46:55 pm

Was the TV pilot you're talking about "Biffovision"? I'd love to have seen that getting a series, if only so that sinister needy puppet could have been given a story arc of its own.

I've loved reading all this. By the time Digitiser came to air I was off computers and computer games for a bit. I owned one battered Commodore 64 (with the space bar missing) and I wrote all my articles on an electronic typewriter. So at that point in my life I didn't really care about the latest releases, whether on an Amiga or otherwise (Amigas?! Pah! Machines of decadence and luxury, sir) but I stuck with Digi just because it was always such an entertaining and frequently hilarious read.

As someone who also went through an unpleasant period of my life doing I job I liked a lot (I'd stop short of saying "loved") but having it interfered with by power-hungry managers and directors, to the point where I became quite miserable, I can relate to so much of this. I walked out of that role to gasps of surprise as well. In my case, I was merely the monkey with good intentions than any kind of creative force, and I can imagine the angst behind the interference at Digi would have been considerably worse due to the fact that you had ownership of the concept and ideas. I've genuinely felt quite angry reading some of this... but still, all's well, presumably, that ends well.

13/12/2015 08:11:26 pm

It was indeed Biffovision! Might have a think about including a chapter on it in the book - it was the closest we ever got to TV Digi.

13/12/2015 09:16:11 pm

I'd love to read more about that - the weird compromises and backroom discussions that get made around comedy pilots are fascinating to me. Dispiriting at times, but fascinating nonetheless.

Another thing I forgot to mention is that in one of the first full-time jobs I had, I met an old slacker called John who clued me in on two ways of getting away with not working. "If you want to do nothing here, you've got two options - do nothing, but walk around with a clipboard and a pen in your hand. Everyone always thinks that someone must be doing work if they've got a clipboard with them. Or just say you've been having a poo". Weird to have that idea paralleled here!

(And indeed, mad that the obsession with 9-5 working hours continues. If you've done your day's allocated work, you've done it, whether it's taken you an hour or seven. All that matters is how good or accurate it is. Nobody ever bitterly mentioned the fact that "Louie Louie" took 15 minutes to record before handing The Kingsmen any royalty cheques).

Richard Wager

13/12/2015 06:30:47 pm

Thanks Biffo, this has been a great read... Digi was part of my getting up for work routine so you and the team put a smile on face before I headed to the tube station. In truth I recall flip all of the goings on, articles etc. I'm sure some of the fans can remember every last detail, not me Sir! The memory bank has certainly been given a jolt reading the series though. What's next?

Nick the Gent link

13/12/2015 07:27:08 pm

Brother Biffo,

Thanks for this series of articles. Funny and true and they fill in the background on what was going on at Teletext HQ when many of us were wondering "what happened to the characters?"

Some memories of Digi - for a long time when I was a kid we didn't have a telly with Teletext, but our grandparents did. Our weekend trips to see our grandparents are bound up in my mind with being fed a second breakfast, playing games, and reading Digi.

Even better, summer holidays to Cornwall came with a hotel room that had a Teletext-enabled TV - a full fortnight of Digi, arcade games at the seaside, and exploring caves at the beach!

And not just the humor, but the fact that you were willing to call a spade a spade. We could all count on a Digi review to tell the truth.

All that to say - thank you to your good self, and to Tim, Adam, Gavin, and others who made Digi what it was!

13/12/2015 08:12:13 pm

I love the thought of Digi being a sort of weekend/school holiday treat... And you are most welcome, Nick.

Dowser

15/12/2015 06:17:51 pm

This is something I don't think you made mention of throughout - the fact that digi reviews had integrity. I can recall that it felt as though there were the magazines beholden to the advertisers and then you guys. Thomas cook weren't going to be arsed if you dissed Sega's latest were they so it felt like you got the real deal with you.

I can still remember your super Mario 64 review and the astonishment you had felt having played it and how well you got that across. Your review writing was brilliant once you got into your stride

This has been a totally compelling set of posts about something that was part of a lot of lives. I have loved it in the same way I loved digi. Get up eat cornflakes read digi go to work! Man were you really that surprised when everyone went nuts at teletext when they tried to castrate you? Feel the love biffo feel the love!!!!

13/12/2015 08:13:02 pm

Thanks to everyone who has commented so far - and throughout this series. I've read everything, and I'm lost for words. Properly touched.

Turlough

13/12/2015 08:35:15 pm

I AM HAPPY BECAUSE:
*This was a great series of articles
*It "sprang the guts" of the magazine that helped spur my own (modest) writing career and brightened many a solitary adolescent hour
*DIGITISER LIVES!

I AM SAD BECAUSE:
*It's over.
*People were horrible to you even as Digitiser oozed fragrantly from your teats.

Not holding my breath for a coda on the Board of Biffo saga, though...

Hans Ondik

13/12/2015 09:10:20 pm

Thanks for the effort you've made writing the last eleven articles. I can assure you that Digitiser meant as much to us as it did to you. I have fond memories of coming home from school and viewing every page. Luckily my parents were well into Python and Mel Brooks so it put me in good stead to appreciate the humour. Keep up the good work Mr Biffo.

Robin

13/12/2015 09:10:42 pm

Nothing much to add here, except to say thanks for this series of articles and thanks for Digi, Mr Biffo. Like many others, long time reader from back in the day (late secondary school/early university in my case), by the end of which my interest in the games 'scene' was waning a bit, but Digitiser kept me reading for the humour. Never thought I would read a new Man Diary or Daddy Joke again. Needless to say, stumbling across this site made me happy enough to stuff a reversible sedgwick into a pipeston. Donation coming your way.

Hamptonoid

13/12/2015 09:34:44 pm

Fantastic series, and thanks for sharing - some seriously personal stuff there. I hope you enjoyed writing it as much as I did reading it.

Looking forward to the epilogue from the others...!

Locke

13/12/2015 11:01:51 pm

What a brilliant read (the whole lot of it).

I'll always remember getting home from school and getting Digi up on the TV, it being one of the few sources of gaming news available before the net and when I couldn't afford a mag.

Quinny

13/12/2015 11:04:00 pm

I can only echo what others have said, and that is I have truly loved these articles. I'm 31 now, and can't remember exactly how old I was when I discovered Digi, but it was a massive part of my formative years, and I vividly remember the surprise and disappointment when it changed after 9/11. I think at the time I just assumed you had left for pastures new, and slowly stopped checking it daily. So I was elated when One day I found that it had returned to its former glory and was having its Indian summer. And I remember being gobsmacked, then laughing myself stupid at the final worm picture, even though I was profoundly sad that Digi had finally come to an end. I managed to find Bubblegun and loved that until its demise, and only recently found this site after a late night nostalgia-led search for all things Digi and Biffo. Thanks so much for all the good times and great memories Paul, and although I know you have other things in your life, I sincerely hope you keep finding the time for this site as your writing is a bright spot in my life. Cheers!

Old Red

13/12/2015 11:16:37 pm

Such a good series of articles, thanks for such a wonderful insight into one of my favourite school-time memories.

Glyn

13/12/2015 11:40:14 pm

I'm probably in the minority here but I never read digitiser originally, being too young at the time, I found out about it online and started reading archives and really enjoyed it, especially the man diaries on super page 58.
I started reading this site the week it started and it hasn't disappointed. This story has been one of the highlights and as someone with fond memories of teletext it's been fascinating to read about its origins and your experience. Keep up the good work and continue to prove the evil sub-editors wrong.

Alex Rogan

14/12/2015 12:26:53 am

As someone who stumbled into writing about games (and still refuses to leave), Digi was a huge inspiration to me, and showed you could be silly and make a point. Oh, and how to piss off PR people, tv producers, and other writers. Cheers!

Adam

14/12/2015 01:46:47 am

This was all great stuff Mr Biffo, really made me think about a few things in my own life as well as reminding me just how brilliant Digitiser was - those screenshots are fantastic. Thanks for giving us all this peek behind the curtain.

Digitiser is dead - long live Digitiser2000!

14/12/2015 01:52:56 am

One more thing - since it was the readers who helped Digi return to its former glory for one last glorious spell, how about those of us who have enjoyed reading all of this put our hands in our pockets again, have a little fiddle with our joysticks and give Biffo a bit more cash towards Digi 2000? And perhaps we should all do it on Christmas Day, as a thank you for all the fun he's stuffed up our chimneys this year.

Don't let me be the only one who does this...

Professor Derek Doctors

14/12/2015 02:16:43 am

I live in a rather run-down area, and all the record shops are burnt out.

Chris

14/12/2015 02:33:54 am

This has been very good, and affecting. I did already know some of this from previous information I've gleaned from your very own self but this is the first time I've seen it arranged in such a coherent, non-drunken fashion. I may have done a few silly replies using what you, given that you can probably see our email addresses, have probably realised are increasingly abnormal corruptions of my surname instead of breaking out the real name*, but I thought now was the time to do that to applaud and thank you.

*it's short for Chrispyfriedriceandhongkongstylesweetandsourporkpleasewhatsthatnoitscertainlynotallformeivegotfriendsoveritsdefinitelynotadvdcommenaryyoucanhearthanks Smth.

Keith

14/12/2015 08:54:06 am

this has been absolutely marvelous to read. It's really interesting how the general mood of what was going on definitely came over at the time, if not the detail.

also, the screenshots have reminded me of what a great little simple pleasure it was seeing the slightly odd way you'd do the "links" to page locations; "letters? Yes. p476" etc

Dogson

14/12/2015 10:34:12 am

Thanks so much for these articles, Mr Biffo. They've been a wonderful early Christmas present. Truly fascinating from start to finish.

I knew that I loved Digitiser as a youngster, but reading these has reminded me just how much. It was the first thing I used to do each morning before school, college and eventually work, and I can still remember that slight sinking feeling on Saturday mornings when I remembered that there were no new updates for two days. I sometimes used to check at random points over the weekend, just on the off chance. I couldn't risk missing anything. And all these years later, I can still hear my parents' voices asking "What are you giggling at?" from the next room.

The switch to serious Digi felt like quite a blow at the time, but I stayed with it because your reviews were the only ones I trusted to be honest, and conveniently they seemed to match my own tastes almost exactly.

Without you, my friend and I might never have spent that New Year's Eve playing GTA3 for 36 hours solid; both of us physically unable to straighten our fingers for 20 minutes afterwards. Nor a subsequent New Year's Eve, where we did the same thing again, but this time with Shenmue. (Girls? Parties? Pfff...)

I could probably spend hours gushing about how brilliant Digitiser was, recalling all my favourite quotes and telling you how much it meant to me. But for now I'll simply say thank you for brightening up all those adolescent days, and please add me to the list of people who want this sitting on their bookcase, wrapped in some beautiful teletext artwork.

Paddy Hill

14/12/2015 11:07:01 am

..... and breathe! You da man, Mr Biffo - a totally absorbing read. Thanks for sharing! Digi was obviously a very personal experience for all of us on this site - it's very heartwarming to hear how special it was (and is) for you as well as us! :) x

Paul Shinn link

14/12/2015 11:26:59 am

Echoing what everyond else has already said, this was a great read and your closing comments about your response to 'the meaning of life' question really resonated with me.

14/12/2015 12:22:12 pm

what's interesting, reading this in the light of Mr Biffo's recent articles about samey games and tired gaming tropes is that Digitiser on teletext existed during the biggest creative shift in gaming,going from the first period at which games were able to actually look visually impressive and contain substantial content, through the revolution into 3D environments etc.
Everything since has been refinement, aside from the rise of online multiplayer, which many of us who grew up with digitizer aren't big fans of.

Gibbo

14/12/2015 01:23:15 pm

Two things that cracked me up at the age of 16 and have stayed with me ever since:

The first joke advert (the Lardax one).
The Christmas 1993 Advent Animal "reveal".

I still crack up thinking about those even now.

And getting a letter published in '94 in response to the competition about an iron foundry.

14/12/2015 01:27:42 pm

Firstly... thank you to everyone on here for saying such nice things. I truly am blessed. It's properly overwhelming, and I'm not entirely sure how to respond in kind. But just know that it's appreciated on about a million different levels.

Secondly... I'm really loving hearing people's memories of Digi. There's so much that isn't saved, and so much has been forgotten, that I think it's a good way of building up an archive: through people's individual reminisces. That could be a lovely thing. Maybe you could all send me - at digitiser2000@gmail.com - something short on your favourite Digi memories? It could be a good way of preserving it.

juux link

14/12/2015 01:42:41 pm

It's almost as if me, a 43 year-old bloke with geeky tendencies and a fondness for daftness, was pre-programmed to be a Digitiser viewer. It certainly struck a chord and I read it religiously almost every day from inception to the bitter, messy end. It's no coincidence that the servers at my old work were named Biffo, Hairs, Cheese and Udders.

I know I'm not alone in saying it was a small but important part of my life and the fact that so many of us are here, years after an 'inconsequential gaming teletext page' disappeared, is testament to that.

I'd say it's easy to underestimate the impact that Digitiser had, and continues to have on gaming press here, and perhaps UK gaming more widely. For all that many of us are verging on middle-age, the way Digi shaped expectations has informed what we expect from our coverage, and some of that has inevitably rubbed off on our younger, more lithe colleagues.

Thanks for sharing the full, unexpurgated version of Digi. To be honest it's not something I ever thought we'd get to hear.

Reko

14/12/2015 03:20:12 pm

Thanks for these articles, and for Digi. Digitiser was one of the few things that could make me laugh at 4am, in the twin-fisted grip of depression and insomnia during the bad times. The reveal jokes, oh man.

Euphemia

14/12/2015 03:28:07 pm

Digitiser definitely had it's tentacles wrapped around my formative years, or at the very least a couple of fingers in my pie during baking.

A few years after it all crumbled to dust, in the heady days of internet chat rooms, someone stood out immediately by appending something they'd said with "-me-do" which created a fast friendship between the three of us who got the reference, one of whom ended up as bridesmaid at my wedding. Persons I normally wouldn't give the time of day to, partially because I'm a shithead, but it stood out as a mark of distinction and good taste. A badge of honour. We started "moc-moc-a-mocing" to the utter disinterest of everyone else, but it was nice to be back in what to us was a warm, shared and inclusive world for a while.

So, thank you. You touched young, impressionable people "way back in the day."

But then, so did Rolf Harris. Swings and roundabouts.

Danny Boyd

14/12/2015 07:27:46 pm

Oi. Biffo. I'm trying to pur-chase myself a tee to support this wonderful site. Be a good fella and sort the sizing out. Takes me back this. Beautiful read. Thank you.

15/12/2015 11:45:31 am

What do you mean by this, Boyd? Sizing charts are on the shop page. However... we're almost out of everything. Stupidly, we didn't order any new ones for Christmas... and had a sudden rush of orders. We'll be getting some new ones in Jan.

ChorltonWheelie

14/12/2015 07:37:03 pm

Yada, yada, yada....can we have some jokes , listicles and game reviews now you're quite finished?

(I could do with a laugh to get this grit out of my eye...sniff)

15/12/2015 11:44:11 am

Normal service has been resumed...

dab88

14/12/2015 08:35:59 pm

Wow. What a brilliant read! All 11 parts read on my work computer while a manager guffaws at the weird teletext images... you'd be so proud Mr Biffo!

Seriously though. I experienced Digitiser as a child/teenager and barely remember anything other than reading it before going to school. Don't ask me to recall any actual details coz I don't. But Digitiser had a certain 'feel' to it and it still exists today in Digitiser 2000.

I'm glad you found your way back and it has been fantastically interesting to discover what was going on behind the scenes at the time.

Bruce Flagpole

14/12/2015 08:54:30 pm

Amazing stuff Mr B.

Really enjoyed this whole series. Loved Digi back in the day...I'm one of those people with terrible memory for the details but I just know i read it for a long time and loved it, and missed it when it was gone.

Glad to have you back, worth every penny of a small patreon sub. I don't want to sound like some heckler, but hopefully this level of stuff will encourage some more readers to sign away a fiver a month that they'll never even notice they're missing.

I know there's some calls/mention of this in a book, but i'd really like to see a dedicated page hard linked somewhere with all these articles in order...not just for posterity, but i think it tells a story that could be shared with those that maybe don't know/get digi just yet, and could be the gateway drug they need to get them into the hardcore street humour of the normal articles and reviews and listicles.

Godspeed!

Sowb

14/12/2015 08:58:27 pm

for nearly 10 years Digi was my favourite thing on TV. Before school (and often again after) and then work

14/12/2015 09:06:24 pm

I would frequently find myself laughing manically to myself during the day - quite a predicament when it's basically impossible to explain this stuff to right thinking grown ups. I remember delightedly discussing the return of the humour with my mate who was also into it (I have seen him cry actual tears over some of the funnies). It really was a special thing, and it's been great to read this, thanks Biffo.

15/12/2015 11:43:10 am

Well... wasn't quite expecting such a response to this series, but it makes me feel all warm and oily inside that it has gone down so well. Thank you SO much for all the comments. I shall scrunch them up into a picnic egg, and have them surgically implanted into my heart.

Mr Wolf

15/12/2015 02:55:09 pm

I've found this site from a fellow forumite on another website.

Like others, I'm in my mid-thirties and Digi was a big part of my life. Digi was like the precursor to the internet, to gaming websites. It gave me an insight of what it was to be a gamer. I didn't read it so much for the games as much as the articles, the stories, the jokes.

If you had written this into an ebook so I could read it on my iphone, I'd have bought it. Thank you so much for the entertainment you've provided us.

Stay

15/12/2015 09:22:49 pm

Is it OK to be crap at DIY, hate football (and most sport), be messy, scruffy, clumsy, have a weird sense of humour and like video games all at the same time? As well as being somewhat shy and at times invisible? I hope so because that's me.

Seano

15/12/2015 09:38:39 pm

+ weird humour that I sometimes did/didn't get
+ great reviews
+ the excitement of finally having a TV with teletext, then discovering digitiser
+ the snakes
+ Mr t
+ interactivity! The mighty reveal button!

+ trying to explain digitiser to my lovely girlfriend
+ googling digitiser and finding this website
+ trying to explain to my lovely girlfriend why I'm snorting whilst reading this website

A wonderful journey. Dont let it stop xx

Dan link

16/12/2015 12:09:24 pm

Oh, that bloke at PLAY Expo was just a random guy that happened to be wandering by and grabbed the mic. He had appeared in the last 2-3 minutes, and left as soon as you answered the question. He had no idea who you were, or what teletext is, probably.

He was the wandering philosopher of PLAY Expo! Bit weird, really, that he got the last word in such a magnificent series of articles. :)

The Cat No Tail link

20/1/2016 08:29:25 am

Sure he was Mr. tendo, sure he was ;)

Clive Peppard

16/12/2015 05:39:07 pm

Great bloody read.

part 1 got me hard in the feelz and its been compulsive ever since.

Write an auto biography dude!!

*standing ovation*

I liked it

16/12/2015 09:53:18 pm

Digitiser was good.

Uglifruit

1/1/2016 05:30:32 pm

Great series LoopyLisa. Fascinating and heart swelling. Book-me-do when it's ready.

I'd also love to see it as a glossy table book - each page rengered as per a teletext page. Or hyperlinked tablet app. Or something. Get app my bins!

Incidentally, I had BiffoVision on my set-top-hard tivo-tyope-thing from it's first broadcast, 'til it died last month. It really did feel like a distilling of the Biffo/Hairs humour we all loved from digidaysgone. Absolutely brilliant, and I have introduced friends to the digitiser world they knew nothing about through first showing them that.

[Page 23/96] <Press reveal to see the what Lewis made of it>

Matt M

1/1/2016 05:37:50 pm

Back when the 'Net was still 'a thing', and an exotic thing at that, maybe the first e-mail I ever sent was to Teletext asking 'Why isn't Digitiser funny any more?'.

I forget the exact reply, as it was bland corporate non-speak; some guff about bringing it in line with the rest of Teletext. It's nice to know that I was only one of many.

I stopped reading when the style changed, and to this day I'm gutted that I missed the end period when the humour and characters came back.

Vending Machine

4/1/2016 01:57:30 pm

Really, really great read. Digi holds such a special place in videogame culture and my heart :)

Wondergra

13/1/2016 01:11:27 pm

Woefully behind on this due to the usual Christmas gunge but just wanted to add my mouth parping to the cacophany and say how much I enjoyed reading this series Biffus. Especially liked this final article and having been there through the sad demise of Board of Biffo its great to know you're in a much happier place these days. Over the years id periodically give 'Mr Biffo' a google to see if you'd dipped your toe back into our digital cesspool. So glad you finally did. Also as always the insights into your personal philosophy and outlook are much appreciated. Just wish I had the courage to follow your advice more often! PS I would totally buy a T-shirt of "Finger the Index".

John Middleton

15/1/2016 04:48:06 pm

I read Digitiser from around 1998 until the very end, confused when it went safe and delighted when Turner was sick (then sad because it was over).

A great read, very much looking forward to this in be-booked form.

I credit Digi with so much of my sense of humour now. I remember talking to friends at school about it, wondering how on earth they were getting away with what Zombie Dave said, the blatant 'reveal-o-cock' or something else equally wondrous. I honestly think it kicked off my desire to write in some surreal form, which I have done, and need to do more.

I found this site because I went looking for The Man's Daddy jokes. Pretty pleased to have spent my afternoon on it, fondly remembering Digi, and feeling genuine excitement that it was never forgotten, and the humour lives on.

Oh and good work on My Parents Are Aliens, I'm sure I was older than the target demographic at the time but for some reason... I found some of the lines very funny, and now I know why.

Glasweigan reader

23/6/2016 07:29:17 am

There never was and has never been anything like Digi. It was unique.

Incredibly refreshing in how it laid bare the bs in life and so full of brilliant humour. The Stewart Lee of games journalism.

GAMES OF MY YEARS: DIGITISER - PART ELEVEN by Mr Biffo

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