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FIVE OF THE WRONGEST GAMES CHARACTERS EVER

27/1/2015

6 Comments

 
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We don't know how the minds of game developers work. We assume that those long hours spent with their faces pressed against a screen means they strut a fine balance between genius and madness. Staring at code, staring at level editors, staring at their very souls can start to take its toll. 

Here are five games characters which make us question whether those responsible were just having a bad day 
when they created them.

Regrettably, this feature turned into something of a Nintendo special, leading us to conclude that Nintendo's employees are all mental.

5. Q-BERT
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"@!#?@!" indeed, young Q*Bert. We've said it before, but it needs restating: Q*Bert resembles nothing less than the mascot for a Continental male impotence clinic.

Look at him there, staring down sadly at his flaccid nose/proboscis/penis/whatever it's supposed to be - with his furry, spherical, ginger, scrotal body bringing to mind the unwanted image of a naked Ed Sheeran. What are you, Q*Bert? WHAT ARE YOU!?

4. WARIO AND WALUIGI

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What's going on here then? Wario is an evil clone of Mario or something, right? Why's he called Wario? That's not even a name. Nobody is called that. Nobody. It's like... imagine if everyone's enemy adopted a twisted version of their nemesis's name. Imagine if, during World War 2, Adolf Hitler was called something like... Dinston Durchill. Or Breville Chamberlain.

And as if Wario isn't wrong enough, then you add Waluigi to the mix, who makes even less sense. At least with Wario you can speculate that his name came about by inverting the M in Mario. Waluigi... we just don't know what's going on there. Is he so besotted with Wario that he's taken the first two letters of his name and added them to his own?

What if your name was Steve, and you had a mate called Delancey, and he was so obsessed with you that he changed his name to Stedelancey? You'd have to be some narcissist not to find that annoying and a bit creepy.

3. OOCOO
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So... this thing happened in The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess, right... And that thing was this thing: Link went into a dungeon and met this chicken creature with the face of sad hospice patient, and it had these two saggy breasts with bright green, distended nipples. 

Because, you know, that's normal isn't it? That's the sort of thing you expect to see in a Nintendo game set in a fantasy realm, right?

There's really nothing more to say.

2. TINGLE
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Talking of The Legend of Zelda... where do you even begin with Tingle? Just picture for a second that you went out to the shops dressed like that - in a morphsuit, trunks and belt, with a clock around your neck. 

Imagine you started squirming around at the cash desk in Primark, swinging back and forth on tippy-toes, rubbing your thighs together, while trilling the words "Tingle, Tingle, Kooloo-Limpah!". Concerned parents would surely be moving their children away from you.

But that's missing the point isn't it? Because, y'know, Tingle is, like, some sort of pixie or elf or something isn't he? Well.... take this piece of information into consideration: according to Zelda lore, Tingle is a 35 year-old man...

1. JYNX
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You could write an entire book on weird Pokemon characters (indeed they have written several - they're called Pokemon Strategy Guides). But one Pokemon stands head and shoulders above the rest in terms of sheer wrongness. 

Step forward Jynx: a Pokemon that resembles nothing less than an opera singer mixed with Thor and the offensive, outdated, ill-considered "gollywog" character that used to be on the Robinson's Jam jars.

Nintendo have since backed away from its initial depiction of Jynx - she now has purple skin, rather than her original, dubious, "blackface" and bright pink lips, so somebody must've said something. Nevertheless, if ever there was a games character who should never have happened... well, it's Jynx.
6 Comments
The School Boy
27/1/2015 04:41:58 am

Man with non-name stands up for fictional man with not-non-name http://i.imgur.com/25vMBat.jpg

Reply
Mr Biffo
27/1/2015 04:53:15 am

I don't believe a word he says...

Reply
Lexically challenged
27/1/2015 05:57:38 am

Mitt Romney... Isn't "mitt" the German word for "with"? As in: "Yah, now mitt tzerty perzent more oomph!" And Romney is just a poor Anglicised transliteration of rückfahrscheinwerfer.

So really, the man literally means "to have or come with rückfahrscheinwerfer"

Reply
George
28/1/2015 07:21:52 am

"Warui" (わるい)is Japanese for "bad". So Wario could just be a play on words - Japanese love to muck around with truncations and so on - while Waluigi would be "Waruigi" in Japanese, which more or less translates literally to "bad guy".

So, it's puns all the way down.

Reply
George
28/1/2015 03:44:20 pm

Bah, I just saw the image of Romney saying basically exactly this. Frankly I'm appalled with myself now.

Reply
Will M
28/1/2015 12:03:52 pm

I've always wanted to know what Kirby is. I'm not sure if it's a ball of some kind, or a fruit.

Reply



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