Since I got back from my thoroughly premature holiday - why couldn't I have been going away following this week??? - I've had a bunch of Digi-related things smouldering away in my in-tray (when I say "in-tray", I mean "lap" and when I say "things" I mean "cigarette butts").
The most pressing matters to attend to were games that needed playing... a few indie titles that I promised to take a look at, and two pretty major releases: Quantum Break and Dark Souls 3.
The former I was all set to review, but the installation process was acting up, and it took something like three hours to reach 99% - at which point I switched off the Xbox One, because it was causing the internet in the rest of the house to grind to a halt, and everyone was shouting at me.
The latter I've been unable to review, because I can't charge my Dual Shock controller because the charging cable has gone funny. Do you know how hard it is to actually buy a Dual Shock 4 and a cable? Harder than it should be.
Yes, I know... first-world problems... but this is the world we have made for ourselves, people. This is progress, or so we're led to believe.
The most pressing matters to attend to were games that needed playing... a few indie titles that I promised to take a look at, and two pretty major releases: Quantum Break and Dark Souls 3.
The former I was all set to review, but the installation process was acting up, and it took something like three hours to reach 99% - at which point I switched off the Xbox One, because it was causing the internet in the rest of the house to grind to a halt, and everyone was shouting at me.
The latter I've been unable to review, because I can't charge my Dual Shock controller because the charging cable has gone funny. Do you know how hard it is to actually buy a Dual Shock 4 and a cable? Harder than it should be.
Yes, I know... first-world problems... but this is the world we have made for ourselves, people. This is progress, or so we're led to believe.
THE WIRED
I've never liked rechargeable controllers. Give me a proper wired controller, or a battery-operated one.
For a long time my PS4 controller lead wasn't long enough to reach where I like to sit to play games - a big nest made from my own filth and detritus, obviously. This meant either sitting in an uncomfortable place, where I had to hunch over, or dragging the PS4 over to me. Which was another whole set of hassles, given my TV set-up - and the mass of HDMI leads and power cables that would first need to be untangled.
When I did finally get a new wire that was long enough, it became loose after a month or so... meaning I had to sit perfectly still while playing games. Which is easier said than done, as usually I prefer to thrash and twitch like a fox in a duvet cover.
And then the other night, in desperation, I bought a brand new Dual Shock 4 on Amazon - the local Argos was all out of them, and there are no game shops near me anymore - but then I discovered that they don't come with a charging cable. Thanks, Sony. Another Amazon spend-oh, and now I have a charging cable, and can finally play Dark Souls 3, three days later than I wanted to.
This should not be happening in 2016. Especially not to me, who - you'll doubtless agree - has lived a blameless life, and deserves none of it.
My ongoing issues with installation, however, are another headache altogether. And with writing that, I've just realised I've probably still got to install Dark Souls 3...
I've never liked rechargeable controllers. Give me a proper wired controller, or a battery-operated one.
For a long time my PS4 controller lead wasn't long enough to reach where I like to sit to play games - a big nest made from my own filth and detritus, obviously. This meant either sitting in an uncomfortable place, where I had to hunch over, or dragging the PS4 over to me. Which was another whole set of hassles, given my TV set-up - and the mass of HDMI leads and power cables that would first need to be untangled.
When I did finally get a new wire that was long enough, it became loose after a month or so... meaning I had to sit perfectly still while playing games. Which is easier said than done, as usually I prefer to thrash and twitch like a fox in a duvet cover.
And then the other night, in desperation, I bought a brand new Dual Shock 4 on Amazon - the local Argos was all out of them, and there are no game shops near me anymore - but then I discovered that they don't come with a charging cable. Thanks, Sony. Another Amazon spend-oh, and now I have a charging cable, and can finally play Dark Souls 3, three days later than I wanted to.
This should not be happening in 2016. Especially not to me, who - you'll doubtless agree - has lived a blameless life, and deserves none of it.
My ongoing issues with installation, however, are another headache altogether. And with writing that, I've just realised I've probably still got to install Dark Souls 3...
THE INSTALLATION GAME
Why does installation of modern games take so long? Not to mention, why does the Xbox One interface make it so difficult to even find your games, and what's currently installing, or even how to do simple things?
It's not like you get a manual with a console these days; to understand what all those tabs and flippity-flip bits are, you either have to go online to seek help, or work it out through trial and error.
And none of it seems remotely intuitive - which is a shame, as I used to like the old Xbox 360 interface.
Games are stuffed away at the bottom of the cluttered menu, like some sort of dirty secret. I tried to play Super Time Force the other night, thinking a quick 20 minute game of that would probably take me through the installation. When I got bored, I couldn't work out how to quit the game, so I had the music playing over the top of the other menus. Ultimately, to get it to stop I had to shut down the Xbox One.
Which held up the installation even more, and made it start acting up when I switched it back on - first it was installing, then downloading a patch, then it told me it couldn't install, then it did...
Excuse my ignorance, but when it tells me a game is installing - is that because I'm downloading something off the disc, or downloading something from a server somewhere? Either way - why three hours, or more? PC games never used to take that long. I get a game - I want to play it there and then. Not have to plan to play it in three hours time. Why am I even bothering to buy physical copies?
I'm supposedly a gamer of some experience, so if I'm finding it all baffling and a hassle, can you imagine what regular people/stupid people go through?
And adding insult to injury... Quantum Break and Dark Souls 3 aren't even games I particularly want to play; an interactive movie, and a game so hard that the prospect of sitting down with it is giving me an unsightly rash. I'm doing this so you don't have to.
But hey... if this week has taught us anything it's that I have a masochistic streak running through me about a mile wide.
Why does installation of modern games take so long? Not to mention, why does the Xbox One interface make it so difficult to even find your games, and what's currently installing, or even how to do simple things?
It's not like you get a manual with a console these days; to understand what all those tabs and flippity-flip bits are, you either have to go online to seek help, or work it out through trial and error.
And none of it seems remotely intuitive - which is a shame, as I used to like the old Xbox 360 interface.
Games are stuffed away at the bottom of the cluttered menu, like some sort of dirty secret. I tried to play Super Time Force the other night, thinking a quick 20 minute game of that would probably take me through the installation. When I got bored, I couldn't work out how to quit the game, so I had the music playing over the top of the other menus. Ultimately, to get it to stop I had to shut down the Xbox One.
Which held up the installation even more, and made it start acting up when I switched it back on - first it was installing, then downloading a patch, then it told me it couldn't install, then it did...
Excuse my ignorance, but when it tells me a game is installing - is that because I'm downloading something off the disc, or downloading something from a server somewhere? Either way - why three hours, or more? PC games never used to take that long. I get a game - I want to play it there and then. Not have to plan to play it in three hours time. Why am I even bothering to buy physical copies?
I'm supposedly a gamer of some experience, so if I'm finding it all baffling and a hassle, can you imagine what regular people/stupid people go through?
And adding insult to injury... Quantum Break and Dark Souls 3 aren't even games I particularly want to play; an interactive movie, and a game so hard that the prospect of sitting down with it is giving me an unsightly rash. I'm doing this so you don't have to.
But hey... if this week has taught us anything it's that I have a masochistic streak running through me about a mile wide.
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