DIGITISER
  • MAIN PAGE
  • Features
  • Videos
  • Game Reviews
  • FAQ

EXCITING GAMING VIDEO NEWS! With comments from Insincere Dave

28/1/2015

6 Comments

 
LUMBERJACK YOUR BODY
Of all the careers available to a man, being a lumberjack must be the most masculine of them all - rivalled only with being a professional bear-puncher or U-boat captain. Unfortunately, many of us will never have the opportunity to spend our hours hanging out in a forest with a group of likeminded gentlemen, oiling our choppers, and handling thick shafts of wood (do you see?), while our nostrils are assaulted with the scent of fungal moss spores.

However, if this has long been your dream, you will now have the opportunity to breathe life into the flaccid flesh of your manly fantasy, thanks to Bandai Namco. The publisher has announced a pair of PC lumberjack simulators - Professional Lumberjack 2015 and (optimistic) Professional Lumberjack 2016, as part of a deal with developer United Independent. 

A third game will also be released as part of the hook-up: Professional Farmer 2016 ("Press X to shout 'Get orf moi land'").

It doesn't get much more exciting than this trailer:
Picture

INSINCERE DAVE SAYS: "Wow!!? I'd never even considered that a lumberjack simulator might be a thing that gets made!!!!!?! But I'm glad it is!!!!?! I can't wait for Bandai Namco to bring out Professional Strawberry-Picker 2015, 2016 and 2017, and Professional Milliner 2018. Better still, you guys - how about UN-Professional Lumberjack 2019?!!!!?! I'd actually pay money to play that one!!!!??!!!"

UNREAL ENGINE 4 WILL ALWAYS HAVE PARIS
Do you remember when Unreal was a series of games? Whatever happened to those? We really liked the first one, though we recall - with some lamentable sadness - that it was too demanding of the PC we had back then, and killed it dead like an overly ambitious contortionist who tried to settle a bet by squeezing himself into a Pez dispenser.

Nowadays, developer Epic seems content to pimp its Unreal Engine to others - and it unveiled the most recent iteration of the technology back in 2013, accompanied by a video demo that proved it's going to be real good at creating fizzy sci-fi worlds and that.

It has taken a while, but now one man - Dishonored level designer Benoît Derriere (Dereau) - has taken it upon himself to demonstrate what else Unreal Engine 4 can do. And apparently, what else it can do is recreate a convincing, ponced-up, Parisian apartment of the sort a well-to-do serial killer might live in. If you would like to see around a flat that's so realistic as to be pointless, click on the video below:
Picture

INSINCERE DAVE SAYS: "Cooolio Maximus!!!!?! I know if I had loads of time on my hands to make a demo with the Unreal Engine 4 I'd literally spend all of that time working on creating something really soulless and cold like this!?! What I want to know is why there isn't a butler walking around?!?! Forget the uncanny valley - I want to see the UNCANNY VALET!!!?!! LOL!!!!????"

THE OCULUS'S GARDEN
Oculus VR - the company behind the seemingly perpetually-in-development Oculus Rift virtual reality headset thing - has unveiled its first in-house virtual reality movie.

Unveiled at the the Sundance Film Festival, the five minute animated short - Lost - places viewers directly in the action, allowing them to move, crouch, and explore the environment as it spreads out around them. Lost has been directed by Pixar's needlessly complicatedly-named Saschka Unseld, who previously helmed the mini-movie The Blue Umbrella.

However, don't expect to see VR movies at your local cinema anytime soon. Oculus CEO Brendan Iribe (they are surely making up these names) told Techcrunch that its in-house VR movie projects will, for the time being, be made available only to "Educate, inspire and foster community" among filmmakers with an interest in creating VR projects.

Here's a video demonstrating the unbridled potential of virtual reality:
Picture
INSINCERE DAVE SAYS: "Never mind the future of movies - Oculus Rift is the future of everything!!!!??!!! Here's a list of really cool things I'd love to see from a virtual reality perspective: 
1) An episode of Loose Women.
2) Mr Tumble in the bath. 
Wooo-hooo!!!!? The future's so bright I gotta wear a cumbersome headset that completely blocks out any peripheral awareness of my surroundings!!!?"

6 Comments
FEoD link
28/1/2015 03:14:07 am

Having followed the development since the Kickstarter days, I was quite excited when the other half brought home a DK2 kit from her work (don't get me started on why exactly they needed Oculus Rifts...) last year.
Unfortunately I found any movement during the whole experience massively sick making, implying it'll never be the future of gaming for me...

Reply
MrPSB
28/1/2015 07:08:46 am

The Professional Lumberjack Trailer looks like a spoof. Last time I tried to become Lord of the Forest I got stung on my sex parts by a wasp and had to write a letter of apology to the local scout leader after running out of the forest screaming in pain at the troop.

Reply
Mr Biffo
28/1/2015 10:01:58 am

That Lord of the Forest line is priceless, isn't it?

Reply
Harlot Q Saccharin III
1/2/2015 09:33:54 am

But why is it that all the youtube embeds I see are the wrong video? It's like it on nearly every one! It's so weird, I don't see it anywhere else ._.

Reply
Mr Biffo
1/2/2015 09:37:55 am

Dunno why it is for you - they all seem fine with us. And nobody else has complained. So, in short... ummm?

Reply
Harlot J Snikkeltron Esq
1/2/2015 02:10:32 pm

I shall throw my pc computer in the bin and see if that helps xoxo




Leave a Reply.

    This section will not be visible in live published website. Below are your current settings:


    Current Number Of Columns are = 2

    Expand Posts Area =

    Gap/Space Between Posts = 12px

    Blog Post Style = card

    Use of custom card colors instead of default colors = 1

    Blog Post Card Background Color = current color

    Blog Post Card Shadow Color = current color

    Blog Post Card Border Color = current color

    Publish the website and visit your blog page to see the results

    Picture
    Support Me on Ko-fi
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    RSS Feed Widget
    Picture

    Picture
    Tweets by @mrbiffo
    Picture
    Follow us on The Facebook

    Picture

    Archives

    December 2022
    May 2022
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    November 2020
    September 2020
    July 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014


    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.
  • MAIN PAGE
  • Features
  • Videos
  • Game Reviews
  • FAQ