MARCH OF THE OLD THINGS
Real-big-fun gaming place Polygon has reported this quasi-interesting fact: more than 2,000 old games are now available to play for free and online, courtesy of Internet Archive.
The somewhat difficult-to-navigate website in question has made this free-me-do games jamboree possible using an EM-DOSBOX in-browser emulator.
We don't remotely know or care what any of that means, but - nevertheless - if you've missed playing the original Prince of Persia, Wolfenstein 3D, or Sega's MegaDrive version of Aladdin, now is your chance to inhale some major retro LOLZ. Also available is The Oregon Trail, one of a select few games to feature dysentry as an end-of-level boss.
Of particular interest to perverts, the site also features a selection of old, really awful, "glamour" games - perfect if you're a particular fan of indistinct, pixellated bottoms. Personally speaking, we don't go in for that sort of thing...
Real-big-fun gaming place Polygon has reported this quasi-interesting fact: more than 2,000 old games are now available to play for free and online, courtesy of Internet Archive.
The somewhat difficult-to-navigate website in question has made this free-me-do games jamboree possible using an EM-DOSBOX in-browser emulator.
We don't remotely know or care what any of that means, but - nevertheless - if you've missed playing the original Prince of Persia, Wolfenstein 3D, or Sega's MegaDrive version of Aladdin, now is your chance to inhale some major retro LOLZ. Also available is The Oregon Trail, one of a select few games to feature dysentry as an end-of-level boss.
Of particular interest to perverts, the site also features a selection of old, really awful, "glamour" games - perfect if you're a particular fan of indistinct, pixellated bottoms. Personally speaking, we don't go in for that sort of thing...
THE LIVING BUM SAYS: "I, like most sentient derrières, am a big fan of nostalgia. My masters and creators, XENOXXXtm Industries, have invented the XENOXXXtm Cool Gaming Nostalgia-Matic.
"Just buckle a friend or loved one into the base of this built-to-order metal trough, using the thick leather straps, and instigate a potential overload of gaming nostalgia, by hammering on the sides of the trough with the flat of your hand and trilling the following mantra: '8-BIT! 16-BIT! TIME-TO-DIE!'"
YO! TAKE IT JAPAN-EASY
In a breathtakingly massive demonstration of something probably quite important, it has been revealed that Japan's traditional video game sales hit a 24 year low in 2014, according to Japanese gaming Jeremy Famitsu.
Though the country's console market has known to have been in a slow decline since 2007, Famitsu's thrilling figures don't take into account digital sales, PC or mobile games - all areas which are expected to have seen growth.
The biggest-selling Japanese game of 2014 was 3DS title Yo-Kai Watch 2: Ganso and Honke, whatever that's supposed to be, narrowly beating Pokemon Omega Ruby and Sapphire 2.
In a breathtakingly massive demonstration of something probably quite important, it has been revealed that Japan's traditional video game sales hit a 24 year low in 2014, according to Japanese gaming Jeremy Famitsu.
Though the country's console market has known to have been in a slow decline since 2007, Famitsu's thrilling figures don't take into account digital sales, PC or mobile games - all areas which are expected to have seen growth.
The biggest-selling Japanese game of 2014 was 3DS title Yo-Kai Watch 2: Ganso and Honke, whatever that's supposed to be, narrowly beating Pokemon Omega Ruby and Sapphire 2.
THE LIVING BUM SAYS: "In happier news, my American counterpart at XENOXXXtm Industries USA - The Living Fanny - can report that we have seen excellent sales statistics for last year.
"Our top-selling product was the XENOXXXtm Cool Gaming Swan - simply encourage a friend or loved one to sit upon this aluminium, swan-shaped seat, then stand back and wipe the tears of mirth from your eyes as they are glued to the spot with a sharp electrical current, before the swan's head rotates fully around, and cranes forward to repeatedly insert a hot dabber in their mouth!"
"Our top-selling product was the XENOXXXtm Cool Gaming Swan - simply encourage a friend or loved one to sit upon this aluminium, swan-shaped seat, then stand back and wipe the tears of mirth from your eyes as they are glued to the spot with a sharp electrical current, before the swan's head rotates fully around, and cranes forward to repeatedly insert a hot dabber in their mouth!"
MONUMENT VALLEY: THIEVED
Developer ustwo has tweeted to reveal that its sublime mobile puzzler Monument Valley is being stolen by loads of real bad people. Apparently, 95% of all installs on Android, and 60% on iOS, were not paid for. The data suggests two things: 1) Thieves are real and every bit as evil as everyone suspected, and 2) Apple owners are slightly less evil and dishonest than Android users.
Speaking to Recode, Monument Valley producer Dan Gray belched: "The best way I like to think about it is, the majority of those users probably wouldn't have bought the game anyway, so it's not like we're losing revenue. And of course, I'm sure some of those users have recommended the game to friends who maybe aren't as tech-savvy as they are. It's essentially free marketing."
What a strange man.
Developer ustwo has tweeted to reveal that its sublime mobile puzzler Monument Valley is being stolen by loads of real bad people. Apparently, 95% of all installs on Android, and 60% on iOS, were not paid for. The data suggests two things: 1) Thieves are real and every bit as evil as everyone suspected, and 2) Apple owners are slightly less evil and dishonest than Android users.
Speaking to Recode, Monument Valley producer Dan Gray belched: "The best way I like to think about it is, the majority of those users probably wouldn't have bought the game anyway, so it's not like we're losing revenue. And of course, I'm sure some of those users have recommended the game to friends who maybe aren't as tech-savvy as they are. It's essentially free marketing."
What a strange man.
THE LIVING BUM SAYS: "Coming soon to a shop near you - the XENOXXXtm Cool Gaming Phone! Buy this mobile communication device for a friend or loved one, and reduce yourself to terrifying coughs of laughter as it burns their hand, ears and throat with its custom-designed heating coil, before inexplicably disgorging a generous pint of thick, tainted, pearlescent brine all down their arm!"
RSS Feed
