BLOODBORNE IS A NUMBER TWO
And so, despite almost universal acclaim - except by us - Bloodborne failed to reach the top of the All Formats Games chart last week, galloping suggestively into the charts some 22,000 units behind the top-selling Battlefield Hardline.
Though some are heralding this as a sign of The Most Terrible Things, it should be remembered that Bloodborne is a PS4 exclusive, whereas Hardline is available on, well, everything. Last week's other new release was Borderlands: The Handsome Collection, which hit the charts at number 3. Expect a Digitiser2000 review of that juicy baboon very soon.
You can stretch your eyes across the full Top 10 at GamesIndustry.biz
And so, despite almost universal acclaim - except by us - Bloodborne failed to reach the top of the All Formats Games chart last week, galloping suggestively into the charts some 22,000 units behind the top-selling Battlefield Hardline.
Though some are heralding this as a sign of The Most Terrible Things, it should be remembered that Bloodborne is a PS4 exclusive, whereas Hardline is available on, well, everything. Last week's other new release was Borderlands: The Handsome Collection, which hit the charts at number 3. Expect a Digitiser2000 review of that juicy baboon very soon.
You can stretch your eyes across the full Top 10 at GamesIndustry.biz
PRIVATE RYAN SAYS: "If I comment on this can you track me down through my ISP? I'm not being funny, but I'm not comfortable with strangers knowing too much about me. That's why all my security settings on Facebook are set to maximum and my Tweets are protected so that only I can read them.
"It's just because this one time, this guy - Phil at work - found a load of pictures of me online at a fancy dress party where I was dressed as a fang, and he posted them around on the internal mail saying I was a member of the Klu Klux Klan, and I had to go and have a meeting with the head of HR, and even though I hadn't done anything wrong, I was so nervous I kept sliding off the chair and under her desk... which raised even more questions."
"It's just because this one time, this guy - Phil at work - found a load of pictures of me online at a fancy dress party where I was dressed as a fang, and he posted them around on the internal mail saying I was a member of the Klu Klux Klan, and I had to go and have a meeting with the head of HR, and even though I hadn't done anything wrong, I was so nervous I kept sliding off the chair and under her desk... which raised even more questions."
READ OUR LIPS: NO NEW ZELDA (THIS YEAR)
Those of you with a Wii U who'd been looking forward to banging your wrists on a brand new, full-blooded Zelda game this year, are going to have to wait a little longer. Nintendo has announced - typical, cuh! - that their next Zelda game will not be released in 2015.
Producer Eiji Aonuma had this to trill: "In these last three months - as the team has experienced firsthand the freedom of exploration that hasn't existed in any Zelda game to date - we've discovered several new possibilities for this game. As we have worked to turn these possibilities into reality new ideas have continued to spring forth. It now feels like we have the potential to create something that exceeds even my own expectations," he explained in a video, available below.
"We are no longer making our 2015 release our number one priority. Instead, our priority is to make it the most complete and ultimate Zelda game. I hope to use the added time to make The Legend of Zelda for Wii U into a game that will reward you for your patience."
Here's the development update in full, though we regret to inform you that you will be unable to watching without thinking "Oh - he looks a bit like a Japanese Colonel Sanders/Rolf Harris":
Those of you with a Wii U who'd been looking forward to banging your wrists on a brand new, full-blooded Zelda game this year, are going to have to wait a little longer. Nintendo has announced - typical, cuh! - that their next Zelda game will not be released in 2015.
Producer Eiji Aonuma had this to trill: "In these last three months - as the team has experienced firsthand the freedom of exploration that hasn't existed in any Zelda game to date - we've discovered several new possibilities for this game. As we have worked to turn these possibilities into reality new ideas have continued to spring forth. It now feels like we have the potential to create something that exceeds even my own expectations," he explained in a video, available below.
"We are no longer making our 2015 release our number one priority. Instead, our priority is to make it the most complete and ultimate Zelda game. I hope to use the added time to make The Legend of Zelda for Wii U into a game that will reward you for your patience."
Here's the development update in full, though we regret to inform you that you will be unable to watching without thinking "Oh - he looks a bit like a Japanese Colonel Sanders/Rolf Harris":
PRIVATE RYAN SAYS: "Honestly, there's loads I'd say about this, but it's just gonna come back to haunt me if I do. Like, years ago I sold an old dog coat on Craigslist, and the other week Phil at work found the listing, and sent it around on the internal mail saying I'd probably killed a dog and had been trying to dispose of the evidence.
"Just for the record, I've never murdered a dog or a cat - not even once - but once word got around, I still had to have a meeting with the head of HR to defend myself, and got really tongue-tied and nervous and ended up accidentally telling her about the time I followed through at my cousin's funeral."
"Just for the record, I've never murdered a dog or a cat - not even once - but once word got around, I still had to have a meeting with the head of HR to defend myself, and got really tongue-tied and nervous and ended up accidentally telling her about the time I followed through at my cousin's funeral."
HALO 5: ALREADY DATED
Following the omin-love that seems to be going around for the PS4-exclusive Bloodborne, Microsoft must be hoping that its forthcoming Xbox One exclusives will be met with a similar reaction. Its best hope for the future looks to be Halo 5 - which has now been given an official release date of October 27th 2015.
Microsoft has released a pair of fruity teaser trailers - albeit with all live-action footage, and no actual gameplay. Here they are:
Following the omin-love that seems to be going around for the PS4-exclusive Bloodborne, Microsoft must be hoping that its forthcoming Xbox One exclusives will be met with a similar reaction. Its best hope for the future looks to be Halo 5 - which has now been given an official release date of October 27th 2015.
Microsoft has released a pair of fruity teaser trailers - albeit with all live-action footage, and no actual gameplay. Here they are:
PRIVATE RYAN SAYS: "Yeah, I used to have a YouTube channel with videos on, but I've made all my things unlisted, after Phil at work found one of me reviewing the last Counting Crows album, and sent it around to everyone on the internal mail, saying he thought I looked a bit tired in it, and then this rumour started up that I had a giant intestinal parasite which was starving me of nutrients and energy.
"I had to go and see the head of HR, and got all in a muddle because I was so nervous, and she got out this chart with all sorts of different tapeworms on it, and she kept pointing at the worms, and then at me, without even saying anything, and I had to prove to her I didn't have a parasite by getting a note from the doctor, which meant I had to have a camera inserted into me, and now I can't have children."
"I had to go and see the head of HR, and got all in a muddle because I was so nervous, and she got out this chart with all sorts of different tapeworms on it, and she kept pointing at the worms, and then at me, without even saying anything, and I had to prove to her I didn't have a parasite by getting a note from the doctor, which meant I had to have a camera inserted into me, and now I can't have children."
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