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EXCITING GAME NEWS! With Comments by Chip Shop Man

10/4/2015

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LEGO: DIMENSIONAL ENGINEERING
Of all the great inventions Denmark has visited upon the world - the actor Dirch Passer, the pianist and composer Bent Fabric, the colostomy bag - the very greatest has to be Lego.

Now Lego has finally unveiled its long-rumoured, multi-format, rip-off/take on the Skylanders series - Lego Dimensions. Using actual Lego Minifigs, the game will ship this September as a £99 starter kit (or just $99 in the US), which includes a magic pad that allows the Minifigs to interact with the game.


Expandable packs include extra figures, as well as accessories and vehicles. To buy everything available at launch, players will be required to hand over a trouser-watering £350. Thus far, the Lego brands that are confirmed as part of Dimensions include The Lego Movie, Back to the Future, The Lord of the Rings, DC Comics, The Wizard of Oz, and Ninjago.

Click through for a trailer starring that bloke out of Community.

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CHIP SHOP MAN SAYS: "What's that you're saying, mate? Lego? Yeah, my nephew has some of that I think. It's the little bricks innit?

"Yeah, He made a Lego of me one time - gave me a really big nose, cheeky little bugger. No wonder I don't let him in the chip shop. Ha ha! Plus he's always nicking the chip forks - thinks they're his personal bloody property he does. Last time he came to stay I found four under the sofa bed. God knows how many more he ran home with. Lack of boundaries - that's what that is."


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BIRD UP!
Of all the great inventions Finland has visited upon the world - the actor Pentti Siimes, the rock band Juice Leskinen & Coitus Int, the bubble chair - the very greatest has to be Angry Birds.

Now Angry Birds studio Rovio has announced that Angry Birds Go - its rip-off/take on the karting genre - has shifted more copies than all the Mario Kart games put together. 


Studio head Oskar Burman took to popular social media soapbox Twitter to boast that the free-ish-to-play app has been downloaded a remarkable 130 million times, compared to the not-free-to-play Mario Kart series' 106 million copies sold. 

In a display of humility, Burman did concede that the figures give a hint of Nintendo's potential reach once it starts releasing games for mobile devices. 

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CHIP SHOP MAN SAYS: "I don't know about no Angry Birds, but I wish the bloody seagulls would keep out of our shop. I turned my back for five seconds the other day, and I turns around and there's one of the cheeky gits on the counter, eating bits of batter. I waved my arms and shouted 'Oi' and it didn't even flinch! What am I? The Invisible Man? 

"Mind you - some days I wish I was invisible. I'd hang about next to the chip fork dispenser, and watch who's taking more than one. Seriously - who needs more than one chip fork to eat one bag of chips? It's mental. I'm gonna have to start putting the box behind the counter."


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DEUS EX? 'DUE SEX' MORE LIKE
And so, the next instalment in the popular Deus Ex franchise - not to be confused with the ZX Spectrum Game Deus Ex Machina, or the recent Alex Garland science fiction film Ex Machina, or the Belgian rock band Deus - has been officially unveiled.

Deus Ex: Mankind Divided follows on from 2011's Deus Ex: Human Revolution, it's another first-person dash through the familiar cyberpunk tropes, with Human Revolution's Adam Jensen joining a special taskforce to tackle augmented terrorists. 

Yeah, yeah. Blah blah blah. You know the sort of thing. 

Here's the announcement trailer:

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CHIP SHOP MAN SAYS: "Whaddaya say then, mate? Sorry - wasn't listening. I was dipping the saveloys. What was that? Cyberpunks? Dunno about no cyberpunks, but I used to be a bit of a punk rocker back when I was a kid though. I had an earring, and one time I went out to the fun fair on the green with green hairspray in me hair, and everything. 'Course, it wasn't a real earring - just a clip-on. My mum would've flipped her nut if I'd got me actual ear - 

"OI! OI! I saw that. Don't think you can sneak another chip fork just because I'm talking to someone. They cost £5.95 for a box of a thousand, plus £1.75 postage and packaging, and that might not sound like a lot, but if every customer took five bloody forks every time, we'd go through a box about every two weeks. I'm not a billionaire. Put it back."

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