NINTENDO EXPOSES NEW 3DS
In typical Nintendo fashion, the company has suddenly revealed a new version of its 3DS console - just weeks before it's due to launch in the UK and US, on February 13th.
Dubbed the "New 3DS", the handheld will be available in two sizes - regular and fat - as well as two colours - red and not-red (black). It will slither into stores alongside 3DS versions of The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask and Monster Hunter Ultimate 4.
In typical Nintendo fashion, the company has suddenly revealed a new version of its 3DS console - just weeks before it's due to launch in the UK and US, on February 13th.
Dubbed the "New 3DS", the handheld will be available in two sizes - regular and fat - as well as two colours - red and not-red (black). It will slither into stores alongside 3DS versions of The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask and Monster Hunter Ultimate 4.
CHIP SHOP MAN SAYS: "What's that, mate? Have I got a 3DS? Don't be silly, mate. I don't even know what that is. I just work in a chip shop.
"This is about as 3D as I want things to get. It's real enough as it is. I mean, we had a bunch of them hoodies in here last night trying to take extra chip forks. I said to them 'Oi! One fork per customer!'. They just looked at me like I was a mental. Mind you, I was standing there topless, eating uncooked chips out of a baseball cap at the time."
"This is about as 3D as I want things to get. It's real enough as it is. I mean, we had a bunch of them hoodies in here last night trying to take extra chip forks. I said to them 'Oi! One fork per customer!'. They just looked at me like I was a mental. Mind you, I was standing there topless, eating uncooked chips out of a baseball cap at the time."
Among the improvements offered by the New 3DS are better 3D visuals (it apparently uses head-tracking to optimise your viewing experience, or something), billions of extra controller buttons that maximise movement in 3D environments, and some sort of compatibility with Nintendo's stupid Amiibo figures.
Frustratingly for existing 3DS owners, the rejigged hardware will mean that certain forthcoming New 3DS titles won't be compatible with their older, immediately obsolete, systems.
In other Nintendo news, the company has also announced that Wii games are finally going to be downloadable for the Wii U via the eShop. Super Mario Galaxy 2 is available now, with more titles being added in the coming weeks.
Frustratingly for existing 3DS owners, the rejigged hardware will mean that certain forthcoming New 3DS titles won't be compatible with their older, immediately obsolete, systems.
In other Nintendo news, the company has also announced that Wii games are finally going to be downloadable for the Wii U via the eShop. Super Mario Galaxy 2 is available now, with more titles being added in the coming weeks.
DEAD RISING MOVIE IS A THING THAT IS HAPPENING SOON
Having been drunk in a shop for the past few months, we didn't even know a Dead Rising movie was happening. But not only is it happening - it's at imminent risk of having had happened.
The Sony-produced adaptation of Capcom's zombie 'em up - Dead Rising: Watchtower - is due to appear on Sony's Crackle streaming service in March.
Sleeping Dogs writer Tim Carter penned the script, which will be directed by, um, Leprechauns: Origins helmsman Zach Lipovsky. The movie features 21 Jump Street star Rob Riggle as photojournalist Frank West, as he struggling to survive a zombie outbreak while taking photos for his Instagram account. Selfie stick!
Having been drunk in a shop for the past few months, we didn't even know a Dead Rising movie was happening. But not only is it happening - it's at imminent risk of having had happened.
The Sony-produced adaptation of Capcom's zombie 'em up - Dead Rising: Watchtower - is due to appear on Sony's Crackle streaming service in March.
Sleeping Dogs writer Tim Carter penned the script, which will be directed by, um, Leprechauns: Origins helmsman Zach Lipovsky. The movie features 21 Jump Street star Rob Riggle as photojournalist Frank West, as he struggling to survive a zombie outbreak while taking photos for his Instagram account. Selfie stick!
CHIP SHOP MAN SAYS: "What you saying there, mate? Am I looking forward to the Dead Rising movie? I might be if I knew what that was. Chance'd be a fine thing, though. Me other half ain't taken me to the pictures in ages. He's all like 'What do I want to go to the pictures with you for? You only want to see films about chips and there ain't any films about chips'.
"Well if you don't like it, son, you shouldn't have gone out with someone who works in a chip shop, should ya? Bleedin' muppet. Anyway, what about that one film - 'Battlechips'?"
"Well if you don't like it, son, you shouldn't have gone out with someone who works in a chip shop, should ya? Bleedin' muppet. Anyway, what about that one film - 'Battlechips'?"
45% OF GAMES INDUSTRY WOMEN FEEL THEIR GENDER HOLDS THEM BACK
In news that will doubtless be spun every which way, like a couple of teenage girls on a waltzer, Gamesindustry.biz has reported that 45% of women working in the games industry believe that their gender limits their career.
A further 33% of respondents to the Gender Balance Workforce Survey said they had experienced direct harassment or bullying due to their gender. That's one third.
As depressing as that statistic is, in better news 84% felt that there are good practice in place to ensure both men and women are treated equally. But further turning us on our heads, 94% felt more could be done to help women find a voice in gaming. Make up your minds, loves (joke)!y.
In news that will doubtless be spun every which way, like a couple of teenage girls on a waltzer, Gamesindustry.biz has reported that 45% of women working in the games industry believe that their gender limits their career.
A further 33% of respondents to the Gender Balance Workforce Survey said they had experienced direct harassment or bullying due to their gender. That's one third.
As depressing as that statistic is, in better news 84% felt that there are good practice in place to ensure both men and women are treated equally. But further turning us on our heads, 94% felt more could be done to help women find a voice in gaming. Make up your minds, loves (joke)!y.
CHIP SHOP MAN SAYS: "Nah, mate. We don't have women working in the chip shop. Not being funny, and I ain't a sexist, but what do women know about chips? I mean, they only have to drink a cup of chip oil and they're whinging that they're fat and spotty.
"Now, call me old-fashioned if you're gonna, but - between you and me - I get enough moaning from him at home. I don't need it at work too. No. It's just me and my chips, ta. OI! Put that fork down until I know you're gonna pay. Just 'cause they're on the counter don't mean they're free. Put it back."
"Now, call me old-fashioned if you're gonna, but - between you and me - I get enough moaning from him at home. I don't need it at work too. No. It's just me and my chips, ta. OI! Put that fork down until I know you're gonna pay. Just 'cause they're on the counter don't mean they're free. Put it back."
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